Are DCUMers Rich, Angry, Mean and Sex-Starved?

This week the Washington City Paper's cover story, titled "Mommy-Fight Club" in the paper version and "The Mommy-Fight Site" online, focused on the frequently contentious atmosphere of the DCUM discussion forums. Kathryn Masterson, who authored the story, is in her final weeks of pregnancy and has been visiting DCUM as both a journalist and an expectant mother. She highlighted some of the not-uncommon flamewars of the forums and addressed issues that lie behind the strong feelings of many posters. Masterson concluded the article by saying that DCUM is making her crazy and she would have to stay away after finishing her article.

Generally I enjoyed the story and appreciated the attention it gained for DCUM. There was one factual error: While I helped set up DCUM in the beginning, I was not a founder and the idea for it was not mine. Otherwise, I found the article to be an accurate and honest portrayal of one woman's experience in our crazy little world. Of course, I would have preferred that her conclusion had been different, and I hope that she will eventually come to see DCUM in a better light.

However, I was disappointed that the article did not delve into the more positive aspects of DCUM. DCUM has not thrived because its members are angry, it has succeeded because it is a community in which users can find support, encouragement, and useful information. One recent thread asked posters to provide updates on the threads they started during 2010. Poster after poster described ways in which DCUM had helped them. "I was/am so appreciative of all the recommendations offered on this forum!", wrote a mother whose child had battled weight issues. I am constantly amazed by the displays of empathy, compassion, and generosity that I witness daily in the forums. Complete strangers helping each other with no expectations of anything in return. Yet, the City Paper covered none of that.

Adequate Parent -- she of the sharp tongue and quick wit -- accurately captured why the article focused as it did:

"The good and supportive side is not news. The average 26-year-old City Paper reader is looking for man-bites-dog stories and kind and nurturing women supporting one another does not qualify. Obsessing over one's virtues and others' deficiencies does."

So, there you have it. "If it bleeds, it leads" is true even at "alternative" papers and rich people fighting is closer to bleeding than normal people helping each other.

But, if WCP took a conventional angle with "Mommy-Fight Club", it's City Paper blog went below the belt -- literally and figuratively -- with a post titled "D.C. Urban Moms Hate Your Stroller Because They Aren’t Getting Laid." I guess that if it's a Friday night and you have a deadline, cherry-picking a few unrepresentative posts with which to mock a website might seem like a good idea. Some might call it lazy or unimaginative. But, what bothered me was the piling on to defame our members.

As I posted in a forum thread, I'll put DCUM's posters up against the participants of any other website in town. We have some of the funniest, most intelligent, and best writers you will find anywhere. If DCUM has a tragic flaw, it is not the meanness of some posters, it's the fact that so many gems are buried. Like I said above, I am moved by the compassion I see daily in the forums, but I am repeatedly laughing out loud (literally) at many of the posts. DCUM posters are smart, caring, thoughtful, and pretty damn funny.

It is possible to look at DCUM and see nothing but meaningless fights and sex-starved parents. But, doing so requires practically willful ignorance of other aspects of the forums. The Expectant Moms forum is a great source of information during a stressful and unique period of many women's lives. The TTC forum is a place of support, comfort, and humbling stories. The Special Needs Kids forum shows the compassion and community of DCUM and teaches lessons from which we all can benefit. The informational value of the schools forums rivals that of any other source pertaining to local education. None of this is displayed in the one-dimensional portrayal provided by WCP.

DCUM as a sociological laboratory could be the basis of any number of innovative and unique stories. People fighting with each other on the Internet is probably the least challenging aspect to report. An understandable starting point, perhaps, but not the entire story by a long shot. Nor the most interesting. I've watched any number of WCP writers advance in their careers to more challenging, but well-deserved, positions elsewhere. To the current crop of journalists who may be hoping to follow similar paths, I say don't take the easy way out. Mocking DCUM is easy, but of little value. Look deeper. There are stories here that are worth telling.