Who Posts in the DCUM Forums?

Originally posted by "anonymous" in the thread titled "DCUM, it's not you, it's me":

I think there are several different types of posters on DCUM. Let's start with the noble nice guys. These people come on here with trepidation, generally do not post many questions, but mainly answer others. They are always nice, always helpful, and go out of their way to say things like "this may not apply to you" or "you've probably already thought of this approach, but have you considered..." They bend over backwards to give helpful advice in a way that doesn't sound overbearing. These people keep me coming back. 

Then there are the obvious trolls. These seem to be the work of one or two posters. Foreign-born former nanny is the standout here. She disagrees with everything just for the sake of being crotchety, typically insults Americans in general, tells us how we're worse than a "third world country", and then adds that she is sorry for our husbands or children. All with creative grammar, lots of ALL CAPS and free standing sentence fragments. 

Then there are the devil's advocates. I would love to see a listing of their posts to compare their opinions, because sometimes they truly seem to be arguing for the sake of arguing as opposed to saying what they believe. 

Then there is the one liner. She tends to just say "Ask your doctor about that, nobody here can help you" or "do a search, that topic has been covered" or will answer a long, thoughtful question with "yes. overreacting." I'd guess she's fairly unimaginative and impatient and generally thinks most of the questions posted on this site are very stupid. She often directs posters to "get over themselves."

Then there is "Been there, done that." She generally is a bit of a know it all and wants everyone to know that their concerns, however seemingly important, are silly to everyone else and only later, when OP actually gives birth, has a 2 year old, has a kid in preschool, has two kids, etc, will she realize how silly her concerns were back then. This lady knows it ALL and she doesn't just know how she feels, she knows for certain how YOU will feel, too. Her belief in her own expertise is genuine, and the patronizing twist to all of her messages may or may not be intentional. Want to post a question about writing a birth plan? This woman will tell you that you can't plan it all out. Want to wear your own clothes while you deliver? This lady will tell you that "you" will not care about this when you actually deliver. 

Then there is miss fuss-over-everything. No matter what you ask, the answer is that you are probably seriously endangering your baby and it wouldn't hurt you to slow down. Have an ear ache? Could be chlamydia. Best to stay inside until you deliver the baby. I think this mom stays at home, and by stays at home, I mean stays at home and hides under the covers. 

Then there is the "nail polish accuser." This working mom is VERY pissed off that she does not have time for manicures, and spends a lot of time yelling at SAHMs, generally accusing them of getting too many manicures. 

Then there's Debby Downer. She's a close relative of know-it-all, in fact, she is another form of knowing it all, but she is the person who knows it all SUCKS and is only going to get worse. Want to ask about co-parenting? She will inform you how there is no hope that your husband will step up. Don't you know, none of them do? Want to cover up your belly button? Don't worry, you won't care by then because you'll be too busy crying every 15 minutes, fighting with your husband, trying to roll over in bed, stuffing your swollen ankles into your shoes, or dealing with an around the clock screaming baby. You will not have time to shower for 16 days, let alone have a brain cell to spare about what your belly button looks like. 

Then there's "alternate point of view" lady. This person goes to great lengths to read between the lines of any post in order to sympathize with the person OP is seeking help with / complaining about. This person is especially fond of mother-in-laws and may or may not be foreign born nanny troll in disguise. 

Then there is double dash. That's me. I'm generally nice but tend to get my panties in a bunch the moment I'm confronted with any of the above-mentioned posters. Generally speaking, I tend to treat posters with exactly as much respect as they treat me, but I'm known for getting annoyed when someone offers advice that doesn't fit, sometimes even when that advice is well intentioned. I'm known for referring to posters as "wild eyes" or "crazy eights" and have a problem with hospital rules and other borrowed authority situations. Lock up the charlatans and don't tread on me, etc. I also write WAY TOO MANY LONG POSTS. 

 -- anonymous