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Preschoolers Don't Learn By Bad Example
How did I miss it that children under the age of six do not learn by bad example? And why are children's book authors and educational television programs missing this as well?
I've made many a screw up as a mother. Unfortunately, most of these mistakes have occurred with my first child. To paraphrase the great Erma Bombeck, my first child got me new but he also got the blisters. Maybe that's the trade off for always getting the new toys first and rarely having to wear hand-me-downs: first kids bear the brunt of their novice parents' foibles.
Though not a child development expert, my mommy newness has compelled me to become a regular of the parenting sections of the public library and local bookstores. T. Berry Brazleton and me? Thick as thieves. So how did I miss it that children under the age of six don't usually learn by bad example? And why are children's book authors and educational television programs missing this as well?
My kid likes to watch TV. (Gasp!) I like him to watch TV too. (Qué horor!) We have fun watching programs together for a limited time each week that are written especially to teach and entertain children. But here's what my kid has learned from even small doses of the best educational programs for kids:
- Little Bill: Calling other children "poo poo diaper baby" is really funny (stop laughing!)
- Calliou: If you're going to have a tantrum, why not throw yourself stomach first onto the ground and flail both your arms and legs?
But before those of you with Kill Your TV bumper stickers on your hybrids say this the fault of the evil talking flat screen, I'd like to protest that even the best children's story book authors do it too! Sometimes books by my favorite, most celebrated children's authors promote teaching by bad example in books aimed at children that are too young to understand that the character in the story should not be emulated. Check out these stories written specifically for kids aged baby - preschool:
- Julius, the Baby of the World: Go ahead, insult your new baby sibling. Say that you (gulp) hate him. It's natural!
- Bootsie Barker Bites: Biting - it's not just for cookies. And if you're the bitee, you'd better figure out a solution to handle the bully yourself.
Most children do not have the complex emotional maturity to understand the concept of learning through the negative behavior of others until the age of five or six years. It's especially hard for them when the baddies are presented in compelling entertainment. By kindergarten or first grade, a child is capable of the mature empathy to "get it" and storytelling that showcases the consequences of protaganists' mistakes is developmentally appropriate.
Here's an accessible chart by Scholastic Parent and Child that outlines the character development learning levels for children aged two - six. To be sure, our kids cannot be raised in bubbles and they will constantly be exposed on the playground, at school, at home to influences that will sometimes be negative. But as a novice mom, I am trying to verse myself in the subtlties of how children learn character lessons before I blindly turn on the tube or grab a book at the library for my preschoolers. I'm hoping that the creators of kids' entertainment do the same.
Jessica also writes about parenting at her personal blog, A Parent in Silver Spring.
