Parenting is a Great Equalizer

One of the things I have learned from my involvement with the DC Urban Moms and Dads Mailing List and website is that parenting is a great equalizer. Individuals of all socioeconomic, racial, religious, and ethnic backgrounds deal with similar issues. Loss of sleep, anxiety about a baby's health, uncertainty about parenting choices, and the joy created by a baby's smile are not bound by any of the lines we often draw across our society.

I was reminded of this by reports that Lynne Spears's parenting book has been "delayed indefinitely". Lynne, of course, is the mother of Britney Spears. The book's delay cames amidst the news that Britney's 16-year-old sister, Jamie, is pregnant. The idea that Lynne Spears should have been given the opportunity to author a parenting book was greeted with derision by many. "[J]ust change the title to Raising Skanks the Spears Way" crowed one of my favorite bloggers. "[O]ne can't help wondering who was the genius who contracted the sisters' mother..." opined the Philadelphia Inquirer. My own first reaction — once I figured out who Lynne and Jamie Spears were — was also that Lynne might have been a poor choice for a parenting advice. But then I thought about it further.

Frankly, I have no idea whether or not Lynne Spears is capable of writing a worthwhile parenting book. But, one thing I am sure of is that in raising her two daughters, Lynne has confronted many of the same issues that other parents face. To the extent that she has dealt with those challenges successfully and is wiser as a result, she probably has something worth sharing. But, the same can be said for almost any mother (or father). In fact, that idea — that we are all in a very similar boat and can learn immensely from each other — is the fundamental basis of the DCUM community. It is an idea that we see validated each and every day.

As a number of forum and mailing list posts make clear, DCUM is full of high-powered, type-A, well-educated, high-earning moms (and a few dads). These are influential people whose daily work probably has a significant impact on the world. Yet, I envision the irony that must occasionally arise when — confronted with a crying baby — they find themselves helpless. Until earlier this year, Valerie Plame — the famous ex-CIA agent outed by Scooter Libby — was a long-time DCUM Mailing List subscriber. While she posted with an easily-identifiable email address, her posts were so mundane and similar to other messages that I didn't even notice that she was on the list until it appeared in U.S. News & World Report. Imagine, here was a covert CIA operative who was involved in preventing the proliferation of nuclear weapons. Yet, at the end of the day, she had to somehow get two little girls to go to bed on time. I bet there were days when catching terrorists would have been much easier.

Obviously, parenting is a greater challenge for some. For instance, a single mother in a low-paying job who can't afford proper healthcare for her baby faces a much more difficult time than another parent whose child has a nanny, a college-savings plan, and a spot in an elite pre-school. Nevertheless, these two hypothetical parents will repeatedly encounter similar experiences and probably could learn a great deal from each other.

That brings me back to Lynne Spears. The fact that her daughter is pregnant does not really tell me a whole lot about Lynne's success or failure as a parent. With hundreds of thousands of teen pregnancies each year in the US, parents from all walks of life are finding themselves facing a similar challenge. Moreover, while young unwed mothers are often stereotyped as poor, uneducated, minorities, this is another example of the challenges of parenting ignoring all boundaries.

Given the example set by DCUM of parents assisting parents, I was disappointed to see a Huffington Post headline asking "Is Lynne Spears An Even Worse Mother Than Britney?" Despite the support provided daily on DCUM, its also true that the worst critics of parents are generally other parents. So it wasn't surprising that the article was written by a mother of two teenage daughters. I think a knee-jerk reaction blaming Jamie's pregnancy on poor parenting is patently unfair. Moreover, with two teenage daughters, the author is only a single fertilized egg away from finding herself living in a glass house. Bad parents can certainly end up with pregnant daughters, but I'm sure even a cursory study will show that good parents can (and do) as well. Despite all of our differences, we parents have a lot of things in common — many of which are outside our control.