Anonymous wrote:This whole post has officially become ridiculous. We have our own set of rules in our home, but labeling all males as potential pedophiles is crazy. How do you deal with cousins, nephews, uncles visiting? OR maybe brothers of your AP? I wonder if you even have children in school... Do you trust teachers? Coaches? Life is scary, but banning all contact with makes might just very well bring your children other issues later in life...

In response with a previous poster with male AP and male kids (and she is perhaps the OP?), I think gender might have something to do with your decision. I have female APs and 3DDs, but I see my friends and siblings who are raising boys and the standard for what is acceptable in their eyes is substantially different. I find that moms of boys in general are much more lenient with their sons' behaviors (have sex with multiple partners? one night stands? smoking weed? Unruly behaviors?), almost as if they were acceptable, normal, and in some cases even 'cute'. I see many of these boys being excused for behaviors that would not be acceptable for girls.

Anonymous wrote:This whole post has officially become ridiculous. We have our own set of rules in our home, but labeling all males as potential pedophiles is crazy. How do you deal with cousins, nephews, uncles visiting? OR maybe brothers of your AP? I wonder if you even have children in school... Do you trust teachers? Coaches? Life is scary, but banning all contact with makes might just very well bring your children other issues later in life...

In response with a previous poster with male AP and male kids (and she is perhaps the OP?), I think gender might have something to do with your decision. I have female APs and 3DDs, but I see my friends and siblings who are raising boys and the standard for what is acceptable in their eyes is substantially different. I find that moms of boys in general are much more lenient with their sons' behaviors (have sex with multiple partners? one night stands? smoking weed? Unruly behaviors?), almost as if they were acceptable, normal, and in some cases even 'cute'. I see many of these boys being excused for behaviors that would not be acceptable for girls.

Anonymous wrote:This whole post has officially become ridiculous. We have our own set of rules in our home, but labeling all males as potential pedophiles is crazy. How do you deal with cousins, nephews, uncles visiting? OR maybe brothers of your AP? I wonder if you even have children in school... Do you trust teachers? Coaches? Life is scary, but banning all contact with makes might just very well bring your children other issues later in life...

In response with a previous poster with male AP and male kids (and she is perhaps the OP?), I think gender might have something to do with your decision. I have female APs and 3DDs, but I see my friends and siblings who are raising boys and the standard for what is acceptable in their eyes is substantially different. I find that moms of boys in general are much more lenient with their sons' behaviors (have sex with multiple partners? one night stands? smoking weed? Unruly behaviors?), almost as if they were acceptable, normal, and in some cases even 'cute'. I see many of these boys being excused for behaviors that would not be acceptable for girls.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:When I was an au pair a lot of au pairs dated military guys. I dated one from 8th&I. If they are in the barracks they do not have a place to take au pair to spend the night either.
Not saying thats the familys problem, just saying not all guys have a nice home to take the au pair to.

That's what the back of his car is for, if memory serves.

APs are adults, not high schoolers. And they work for their room and board. I think it's over stepping to try to control what an adult does in their own space. Signing up for this program means inviting another adult to make your home theirs, and sometimes that means bringing home romantic partners.

That's pretty ridiculous. First and foremost banning opposite sex sleep overs is a case of safety. Au pairs are not entitled to treat the host family's house like a flop house just because part of their compensation is board. If they really are part of a family then like any family member they will be subject to certain expectations and restrictions for the greater good of the whole family. Just as, although my husband is an adult in his own house, he refrains from walking around in his boxers because it would be inappropriate around the ap

How is banning opposite sex sleepovers a matter of safety? You can say no strangers in the name of safety, sure. You can ask that visitors be supervised, sure. Banning opposite sex sleepovers has nothing to do with safety. Do you and your husband refrain from having sex so as not to jeopardize the safety of comfort of your children/AP? You're pretty ridiculous.

Hellooo, you are so missing the point. It has nothing to do with the general act of sex but everything to do with pedophiles. And we don't just ban male sleep overs but any male contact what so ever, i.e our au pairs boyfriend or male friend is not to have any contact with our kids at all. There are predators everywhere and I'm not going to risk exposing my children to some guy who I may at best superficially know, let alone let him spend the night in our house, just because my teenage/twenty something au pair happens to like him/be in love with him. That's just bad judgment and quite frankly recklessly naive. Just as i don't allow my kids, who are all under the age of 10, to go on sleep overs, even if I know the parents fairly well. I don't care about the morality aspect of co-habiation but I do care about creating a possibly harmful environment for my children.

You have no fucking clue what you are talking about. And yes, the language is necessary here. Banning all male guests because one may be a pedophile is about as batshit as anything I have ever heard. You clearly know nothing about true predatory behavior or how most children come to be molested. As someone who works with these children (and ACTUAL pedophiles) on a regular basis, your views are extremely dangerous and offensive.

Get some mental health counseling. Your paranoias are a serious sign of something majorly wrong, spare your children and spouse from any more damage than you have already done.