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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, we're back to the fact that your husband needs to deal with his mother.[/quote]

This is the problem. As you can see on my original post:

1. MIL wants something. 
2. We decline. 
3. MIL throws a fit. 
4. She doesn't speak to us for weeks/months. 
5. FIL calls DH and say, "Somehow, you gotta call your mother." 
6. DH calls. 
7. They start talking again. 
8. Lather. Rinse.Repeat.

So far, DH has not made it clear to his mother. Every time he has to do this, he contemplates about it for days. He's only really ever put his foot down once. The rest of the time, he does nothing, waits for things to blow over, then 5 happens.

We are still on Number 4. I anticipate 5 happening somehow soon.

[/quote]

THIS is why you and your husband should get into couples counseling about making agreements on how to handle his mother, how to help him be strong with his mother, how to set boundaries, etc.  It might actually start as couples counseling and then end up with only him seeing the therapist to learn how to set boundaries.

BUT....  his mother will have a fit, temper tantrum and not call.  That's guaranteed. You will NOT change her.

I think, honestly, you just do what you do, knowing that there will be a blissful few months when she's not talking to you, and also knowing that all the rest will happen again, so nipping it in the bud really quickly by setting the limit again so that the blissful months of no talking come sooner than later.  That is, if she starts talking to you but keeps doing stupid stuff like all of the above, you set the limit within a few weeks rather than letting it fester for months.  That way the "no talking" part gets to start really soon.

And I'd be really honest ' Mom/MIL, the last time I gave the nanny the week off, you didn't take care of baby and I ahd to work all week.  So we're never doing that again.  You will just have to visit knowing that the nanny will be here her regular hours, from 9-3pm.  You are welcome to leave during those hours and then return when the nanny is gone to spend time with the baby.  Or, you are welcome to play with baby while nanny is here, but that gives you the flexibility to not have to be doing all the caretaking - you know how much work babies are!   And then you just do what you do.  And enjoy the "no talking months".  [/quote]

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