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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We are currently in a nanny-share and there are 4 kids total.  The plan has been for a couple of months now to leave the nanny share with the other family and have the nanny come to our home.  We have been looking for another family who have just 1 child so that the nanny will only care for 2 kids total with the understanding that this will grow to 3 kids in the next 2 years as my family hopefully grows.  I'm willing to pay a little extra to ensure that there is a spot for my future child and my current child will be able to be taken back and forth to preschool.  We have said that we would love for her to care for my child until at least kindergarten but maybe longer too and she said that she wants to stay with us at least until my child is school-age.  We have gotten along wonderfully and my child just ADORES her and doesn't want her to leave at the end of the day.  She has honestly become a friend and we had her over for Christmas dinner, brought her chicken noodle soup over, and genuinely care about her well-being.  She is like a 3rd Grandma to my child and we have treasured the relationship they have developed as we have no local family.

The problem: We've had tons of talks about how unhappy she is with the other family and how much she wants to work for me and my family in our home.  I then created a rough draft contract that I sent her to edit as I want it to be mutually agreed upon and equitable, then I posted ads and finally we met with a family at my home who were lovely!  There is even a 2nd family who are interested and they seem lovely as well so we've got some options!

I've done all this work myself (which has been rather stressful) and kept her in the loop and then all of a sudden, she began saying that she is not sure about watching a 3rd child.  I reminded her that I am planning to have a 2nd and will need childcare for that child too and that my older child would be in preschool at least half-time by that point.  She began giving me mixed signals which made me uncomfortable and then I flat out told her that we are on a waitlist for a daycare/preschool and should hear something in March that will start over the summer.  We said that we can't give up that spot unless we have a really solid plan worked out that includes our possible 2nd child.  She knows we cannot afford to pay her just ourselves so she would eventually have 3 kids even if she has just 2 for 1 year.  I asked if she is comfortable caring for a 3 year old, 2 year old, and a newborn with the newborn being the only full-time child.

She said that she would have to think about it.  I asked her if she felt like she needed a refresher course on childcare and she said, no, that she reads plenty.  I felt pretty uncomfortable with her response as she is currently caring for 3 sometimes 4 kids currently but she said she would give me a response the following day.  No response came.  I questioned her this morning and she said that she was too busy to think about it.  She then asked if the question was for her to stay with the other family come June since a daycare spot might open for me and I said no, that wasn't the question at all.  I reminded her of the question and she said that she would have to think about it.

Clearly, she is avoiding responding to me and the answer is a big, fat, no.  I feel very upset that I've spent all this time and effort into putting together a better situation and felt badly for her that the other family wasn't treating her well.  I feel like I've just been played....she never wanted to care for 3 kids and it sounds like if and when I end up having a 2nd child, she would leave me high and dry.

I need to address this with her. I'm debating whether to just be blunt and tell her how hurt we are by her behavior and that we will have to move on this summer.  I need to give a response to this other family who are waiting on the contract to send them. 
[/quote]
Why don't you try a few full days alone with children of that age? I bet you just won't. Why?[/quote]

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