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[quote=Anonymous]It sounds like the mistake was yours in not setting expectations at the start. Some people - including many women - are very particular about how they want things done, especially in the kitchen. If you have never plainly asked her to ‘please help with after meal clean up’ she may just be standing back out of respect and sticking around to keep you company because she’s not a jerk who ‘chews and screws’ as many men and children do.

Honestly you’re a grown married woman with children who makes enough money to have an au pair. Why can’t you just communicate with her? Do you expect mind reading from husband? Kids? Coworkers? Friends? Family?

You say she’s leaving soon, so it’s not worth the hassle. But why do you expect a hassle? If you can sit down with her and speak kindly and respectfully to her - put aside all this pent up resentment you feel from not having your mind read, and from making assumptions about how she should have behaved absent clear expectations - then it should be a pleasant and short conversation. ‘AP, I should have set this expectation clearly when you arrived, but I neglected to. Would you please assist me with after dinner clearing of dishes and cleaning of the kitchen/dining area for the remainder of your stay? It would be so helpful to me and since we usually visit after dinner anyway, I could sure use the extra pair hands while we do.’

So simple, really.

Before she leaves, ask her for an honest assessment of her experience with your family and evaluate that while putting together your clear expectations for her replacement so you can provide those up front. [/quote]

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