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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What I'm going to say is really controversial and I am going to get flamed. But, some cultures are just not gracious guests and you have to set boundaries, which feels awful to do as a host. I find German guests to be particularly ill mannered as guests and need to warn you that I have found the only effective way to handle it is to call them out. We have many German relatives and hosted a couple German APs- consuming 5 meals worth of food is standard fare for a German guest. And God help you if you take them to a restaurant; you'll need a second mortgage to pay the bill and they will never offer to help pay. Lay down the law now while you can. [/quote]

Firstly, They are not OPs guests! AP is supposed to be another adult and family member and friend is APs guest and should be behaving in a considerate and respectful way. She is already saving the cost of a hotel. They should be helping with shopping, cooking and cleaning. Thats wahat all of my APs and their friends have been doing.

Second of all. I‘m German. This behaviour is not culturally excusable. German curtesy and manners require this (at least in a conservative household): head of household sits at the top of the table, maybe even serves and gives out proportionate shares of main and sides, growing children and teenagers would be favoured and served first.
Outside the dinner table a guest always asks for anything and never opens fridge or cupboards. If you are told by your host to help yourself to anything, you won’t except tap water or toilet paper at midnight.

Upon an invitation to a restaurant you would wait for the person paying the bill to place their order and then always order something that does not exceed the cost of that dish. If they are skipping pre-course and desert, so will the guest. Also, splitting the bill and offering to pay ones share is very common. Unless you have been told beforehand that the bill is on the host, you will never assume differently. 
Actually the German- Turkish community uses the term „Deutsch bezahlen“ (paying the German way) as an expression for split bills.

Finally, heres the appropiate quote for your AP and her so-called guest in German
Besuch ist wie Fisch - nach 3 Tagen stinkt er.

Her friend needs to leave![/quote]

I'm the pp you're quoting. We've hosted many, many German guests and they all act a particular way (ask to be taken to restaurants and order a ton and never pay their way, eat far more than a normal person can handle, never offer to assist with cleanup). We've hosted guests from different classes and different areas of Germany, and this behavior is consistent. It is also consistent with what OP is experiencing. I would suggest to you that Americans experience German behavior very differently than Germans experience it, and that it IS a cultural difference. It defies the norms of what Americans expect so much that even trying to set expectations is difficult. Can you imagine telling your guests simple things like "flush the toilet after you use it" and "don't use my pajamas"? No. It would never enter your mind to need to tell a guest this. German guest behavior defies the norms of American expectations so much that it is extremely difficult to prepare for and cope with. [/quote]

I am sorry. But this is nonsense. I have hosted many German APs, and had many of their friends/family visit us. All of them were extremely nice, helpful, and considerate. I am sorry that you had a bad experience. But please do not generalize from your expedient with a handful of people to the entire nation. Like with every country of origin, it’s a mixed bag.[/quote]

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