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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sorry that was a typo she works 6:30-6:30 so 60hrs a week.

She expects them to clear plates, put shoes on, get dressed alone. Even expects the babies to come in from the park and put shoes on the bench and go wash hands. We tend to baby them a little more. And expected they would then want to be with us more.

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This is it.  Kids want to grow up, they don't want to be babies.  Your youngest is a toddler, moving along through life, stumbling and getting right back up.  Toddlers can easily learn to take their shoes off, although they may not put them where you want them.  Your middle child is 3, and preschoolers are inquisitive, independent and yet need someone to help without forcing the issue.  Your eldest is 5, by which age the child should be able to not only dress him/herself but also pick out a decent outfit (although you may need to send the child back).  By babying them, you are telling them that you don't think they are capable, so you have to do things for them.  The nanny is encouraging them to try things, but she's there to help when needed.  Ask her what each child can do, and then ask your kids to show you how to do them, not all at once, but spread out over the next week or two.  Kids want their parents to see what they learn, they want to know that you are proud of them.  Encouragement is great, and help when needed is good, but babying them will make them want to do less later.

The other issue is that she's with them 60 hours per week.  I understand that you and your spouse have to work, and I know you spend time with them in the evenings.  But the issue is that the nanny is spending the bulk of the time with the kids.  12 hour days 5 days per week mean that your nanny knows the kids better now than you do.  It's temporary, soon nobody will know them :)  But you can make it easier.  Talk to your kids, ask them about favorite colors, ask why they don't like carrots, ask why the Spiderman shirt is the best.  Talk to the nanny, ask her to let you know asap about anything that comes up.  You might come across as micromanaging, so explain that you just want a window into your children's day, to see what they love, what they like, and what they dislike.[/quote]

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