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[quote=Anonymous] Here's a tip for all nanny employers:

Before grilling your nanny on a given topic, ask yourself: "what will I do with this information?"

If your baby is crying, and then the nanny stops the crying, and they move forward with their day, in what way does it benefit you or your child for your nanny to detail for you exactly what caused the crying to begin with?   If you have a decent nanny, then she will be on the lookout for patterns ("baby seems to want to eat earlier, let's have bottles ready about half an hour sooner than we have been," or " I have noticed that baby gets really fussy when swaddled in this type of blanket, let's try to avoid those if we can," etc.).

If you  don't have a clear reason in your mind for your plan for that information, then that tells the nanny clearly that you do not trust her to make judgment calls about your children, even ones as simple as whether or not a specific type of crying needs a more universal solution.  If you don't trust the nanny enough to allow her to make even very simple and small decisions like that, then you do not trust her enough to be caring for your child, and should look into a different form of child care.   If you do trust the nanny, but want to know simply because it makes you feel more connected and involved with your child, then you need to realize that you are making decisions that will impact the nanny's ability to care for and bond with your child so that your own feelings can be managed.  If your feelings about being away from your child are so strong that you cannot support your child's caregiver in forming an attachment to your child, the nanny care is not for you.

A good nanny wants to bond deeply with her charge. That bond takes nothing away from your babies bond to you. Babies are designed to bond with all of their caregivers.  Allow your nanny to do her job when she is with your child and you focus on your career while you are at work so that you will be better able to bond with your child during your off hours. If that is not something that you can mentally and emotionally cope with, then you need to see a qualified therapist or quit your job. [/quote]

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