Reply to DC said nanny told him to "be quiet"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You should fire her immediately.  It is far better to have a nanny who is willing to drive with distractions and take route guidance from a child than a horrible, no good, very bad nanny who would tell a child to "please be quiet."  Remember: self-esteem first, safety last.[/quote]

Was this really necessary? I asked an honest question. I NEVER mentioned firing her. Now whose over-reacting. [/quote]

Fine.  My tone was harsh and I apologize for that.  But I genuinely have trouble taking you seriously.  What is the problem here?  The nanny is driving a new-to-her vehicle on a new-to-her route and your child is trying to correct her on the route (which she may intentionally have changed--I will often prefer a different route than the one my MB/DB prefer due to traffic, driving preferences, comfort with beltway vs. Waiting at lights, etc.) to the point where she does not feel she can safely focus on navigating.  What would you like her to do in that situation?

And the facts that a) your child felt this was worth tattling to Mommy about and b) you took the tattling seriously and are upset with nanny and actively encouraged your child to tattle more in the future mean that you are setting the nanny up to fail.  Your child now knows clearly that the pecking order is: Mommy>child>nanny.  She is toast.[/quote]

OP here. Ok, I do see your point. And FWIW I told DC sometimes we all go different ways but still get to school and that's ok. I honestly wasn't trying to set up the nanny to fail but I see how that could be the case. We had our last nanny for 3 years and I trusted her completely. I've done my due diligence win the new nanny and I guess I have to trust that, it's just hard starting with someone new after so long. [/quote]

I get that it is hard to have someone new caring for your kid.  This person is a stranger to you AND your child.  There will be times when she handles something in a way that makes you or your child uncomfortable.  But you set the tone.  If you teach your kid to regard those bumps ("she used a slightly different phrasing than i am used to") as a red flag that somehow reflects on the entire relationships ("I you ever feel like she might be angry at you, you come tell Mommy right away"), then you are making it impossible for your kid to bond with and trust the new nanny.  The best response here would have been, "I'm sorry you felt hurt.  I bet nanny was trying to focus on driving to keep you safe."  I know you want to helicopter to protect your kid from getting hurt feelings, but you are also going to protect him from having any kind of real bond with this nanny.[/quote]

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