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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Nannies, you do realize that children can receive care, discipline, guidance, comfort, etc from more than 1 person simultaneously don't you? It happens every day, for example Mom and Dad.  Parents are able to co-parent a child without one or the other leaving the premises and you should be able to do the same.  This is not to say it will not take effort- you will need communication, shared goals, methods, and understanding of each other...it will take effort for sure.  But all jobs take effort and almost all jobs involve supervision or a boss who is going to have an opinion on the way you do things, and you can't just say "boss, you must leave" just because you don't have total autonomy. There could be specific things you need to address, such as the mother contradicting something you've said or upsetting a routine, etc, but just as Mom and Dads have to work around each other and respect each other, you can do the same. If you truly have the best interest of the baby/child at heart, then this would be your goal, not simply trying to get the mother to stay scarce. When a mother hears her baby crying in the other room when Dad is taking care of him/her, no one would ever say "how dare she come out and comfort him when Dad is right there!"  It is absurd to think that because the mother comes and offers comfort, that it means the mother doesn't think the nanny can handle it. Try thinking of the situation from the mother's perspective without the quick rush to criticize. Imagine you are the mom and you hear your baby crying?  If the mother is truly doing it EVERY single time the child cries, then  yes, sit down and discuss it by all means. Maybe try getting out of the house a little more yourself if your boss doesn't mind the outings?   It is not reasonable to think you can just ask your boss to leave, however, just like it isn't in any other job. [/quote]

Interesting that you use this example.  On the parenting side of this forum, women are regularly advised not to run in and "help" their partner just because he isn't calming the baby quickly enough, because doing so undermines his ability to develop a rapport with the baby, making it impossible for him to care for the child without her supervision and help.

Likewise, parents are welcome to swoop in and rescue their kid every time they are sad in the nanny's care--the problem is that these parents ostensibly want the nanny to be successful in caring for the child without their presence, which requires the nanny to have authority over and a relationship with the child.  This is a have-you-cake-and-eat-it-too scenario.  Either you hired a nanny because you want someone with excellent child care skills, experience and judgement, or you just need a warm body in the room to make sure your toddler doesn't choke to death.

Those nannies who actually have the skill, experience and judgement to operate independently find it frustrating to be undermined not because we are are resentful that our boss wants input, but because this type of "I'm the mom, your relationship with my kid is irrelevant" attitude makes it impossible for us to work up to our potential as nannies.  I want to be the best nanny I can for you, but I need you to value that my routine and relationship with your child is something that develops organically through time spent together.  It doesn't switch on and off when you enter and leave the room.

I think most people who are skilled in their field and have a passion for their job would grow frustrated if their supervisor regularly engaged in behavior that prevented the worker from reaching their full potential in that position.  If you want my best, treat me as a valued employee with expertise equal to or greater than your own--let's work together!  If you want a warm body, treat your nanny like "the help" and remind her often that you are the only person who knows anything or has the authority to make any choices.[/quote]

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