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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Wow, I am an MB w/ a long-term nanny so I may not understand the whole au pair world, but it seems rather silly and petty to me that a parent would begrudge someone extra time off if they were around to stay w/ their children.  I actually like being able to send my nanny home early b/c it means I can spend more time w/ my children.  With two working parents any time we can spend with our children we do.  I wouldn't spend any energy sending passive aggressive messages to my au pair and just do what works/is right for my family.[/quote]

I think that's kind of the point - the difference between having an AP who lives with you, and a live-out nanny.  That's where the "begrudging" feelings can come in, because the host family and AP live together, and so sometimes feelings build up about give-and-take issues, flexibility, etc. that might not arise with a live-out nanny.  For instance, it sounds like this OP is feeling stingy about hours because she feels that she has perhaps been flexible with the AP in other respects and has not received the same flexibility in return.  Sometimes when folks live together and share more aspects of their lives than a typical nanny-family relationship, a passive-aggressive impulse might take over that is due to a variety of factors beyond simply the employer-employee relationship.  But that is why it is important to take a step back, analyze the impulse, and work against it because it is probably counter-productive (even if fueled by appropriately righteous indignation!).[/quote]

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