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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You are anal and rude. The nanny sounds like she was  trying to help and is extra affectionate with the kids. She buys gifts because she loves them. Not many ppl would spend money on some else's kids. She is has prob never worked for asshole parents before who don't appreciate her attempt at helping and caring. So fire her and let her a nice family or
 
1.Tell the nanny to not touch anything in your house, that you have it setup for a certain reason. 
2.tell her to never buy the children anything ever. That she can tell you if she thinks they will like something and if you find it appropriate you will get it. 
3. Tell your daughter that the child you brought the bike from made a mistake is very sad and wants it back. And you will look into buying a new nice bike when she is older. No one is a bad guy and your the good guy. You don't have to make it about blame, you can use this as a moment to teach empathy.

Just so you know there are plenty of 3yr olds who ride bikes. I've even seem some how ride without training wheels. You are paranoid and too much of a control freak to have a nanny. [/quote]

Wow, your comment seems a bit harsh but I will not let it affect my feelings because you don't know me and you made a generalization based on one post.

As I have said right along, I don't believe I micromanage my nanny. Yes, a lot of things that she does bug me. I don't tell her many of them because I feel they are a product of my own anal issues, and not something she should have to deal with. I have made only a few specific requests - take my dd1 to certain play dates (she has taken her to two out of six), tell me what foods you give the baby (I think she does this, but really, I have no way of checking), please help the kids pick up their mess at the end of the day (she does this about 50% of the time), and please don't do housework (she does it anyway).

I have also spoken to her three times when I have been upset about something during the last nine months she has worked here. Once when she showed up fifteen minutes late for work without calling and with another child in tow (it was the not calling to inform me first that bothered me, not that she was late or had the other child with her, and I made sure she understood that), once when she cleaned out the fridge and threw away food that was still good (this was not a huge deal, just a little frustrating, and I simply thanked her for doing such a nice thing, told her that some of the food hadn't needed to be thrown out, that we clearly had different opinions about food storage, and asked her not to clean out the fridge again.)

That's it. Four requests, three discussions, in nine months. I pick my battles and only asked for things or let her see my frustration about things that really bothered me. No, I am not going to let her have totally free reign with my kids, because they are MY kids, and no matter how much I trust her, there will still be house rules. This doesn't make me a control freak or rude. I try to keep them to a minimum, but if any requests/rules/regs constitute being rude, then so be it.[/quote]

Yes, that was my first reaction to your post and my opinion has not changed much. Just because you are openly upset about having to work and not spending time with your children does not mean your behavior is justified. Even if you dont always openly express your unhappiness, your body language, face expressions and temperment will give you away. It is very difficult dealing with a mother that has mommy guilt and jealousy issues than to top it off with control issues will eventually push someone over the edge. You need to accept the position that your in and move on. You only work 16hours a week, think of all the mothers single or married that are focused to work full time when they wish they could be with their children. You need to suck it up and realize you have it good. Sure things could be better but that's life. You will get to spend the next 18yrs up your children's ass, able to do all the fun (and difficult) mommy things. Them bonding with other people is a healthy experience and necessary for their future bonding. If you can't handle someone else loving your children than you need therapy to work through your attachment issues.

Now from what you described it sounds like you either hired a young nanny with limited experience or a foreign woman who isn't used to the anal overprotective mothers of America. Some of your nanny's behavior is minor but unacceptable; however, if you addressed and she neve did it again then it could have been honest mistakes. But you best bet is to put your children in a daycare program or find alternative care because you will never be satisfied with a nanny who isn't a robot. I also think your jealousy has blinded you to how your behavior affects others. I would be very upset by your ungratefulness and constant Criticizing. Although I think making a list with stirct guidelines would have been smart at the beginning, now presenting it might push this nanny over the edge. Unless your secretly hoping she will quit so you have an excuse to stay home, I'd tread lightly or look for another care option. [/quote]

I am not upset or jealous of the nanny's relationship to my kids. Infact, I love that they have someone who cares for them so well when I can't. Yes, I resent working and yes, I do want things done my way because they're MY kids. She's there to fill in my role when I can't. This is what I'm paying her to do.

That said, I am pretty open about this to everyone in my life, incuding my nanny, she does understand that this was part of the reason I was upset yesterday, and she told me she empathized with me about it. I am not jealous and I pick my battles. I've only sat to speak with her 3 times in less than a year over issues that I won't get into.

I think you may be reading into this to much. Please keep in mind I was venting here, and did not by any stretch vent on our nanny. In hindsight, that should have been much clearer in the original post and for that I apologize. I was pretty upset, and probably should not have posted till I had cooled down.
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