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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]On the one hand, you actively dislike the nanny.  It comes accross in every word you've written here and I am sure it comes accross to the nanny and to your kids.  On that front, I'd advise you to find someone new.

On the other hand, it's only 16 hours a week, and you sound VERY particular, so it's hard for me to imagine you not finding yourself back in the position of having a nanny you resent and want to replace.  Is your DH also dissatisfied with the quality of her work?  How much are you paying?  What hours do you need.

At some point it comes down to a cost benefit based on how much hostility you feel versus how difficult she will be to replace.  The harder it is to find someone new, the harder it will be to find someone willing to do things your way.[/quote]

Thank you for your response,

I don't want to say I dislike my children's nanny to the point where I'll fire her. I know she loves my children genuinely and like I told the other poster, I think my feelings are down to her not completely following my instructions and style of parenting.

And I have been thinking about the bike incident, and I think what upset me is not that she brought a bike over for dd, but that she gave it to without asking me first, and told her that she could have it if it was alright with her mom. So, this sets me up to be the bad guy who has to say no, rather than her asking me first, and then, if I had said yes, giving it to DD. And the fact that she does this with lots of things, from food to toys, disregarding what our feelings may be regarding the food our kids eat or the toys they play with. I have not said anything previously, because I knew she was trying to be nice and because it didn't seem worth it for little stuff that the kids quickly grew tired of and which just as quickly found its way out of the house.

And there is some background coloring this. One, it is dd1's first bike, and where I come from that is a huge deal and something that mom and dad, or maybe Santa, gets to do. Two, our kids are IV babies who took years and immeasurable pain to conceive and all of their first moments are colored by the IF experience and the years I had to sit and plan for all of them. And yes, these are my issues, and the nanny shouldn't have to take responsibility for them, nor do I expect her to. (I am just explaining what is influencing my strong reaction.)

As far as the other stuff, I didn't say anything regarding the citrus because I figured she didn't know, and there was obviously no harm done. I did ask her to tell me when she gave the baby anything, just so I know if there is a reaction, and she has done that. As far as I know.

I have asked her, very sweetly, several times, not to do housework, because honestly I would rather she spend the time with the kids. What I have asked her to do is put toys away and generally help the kids clean up their messes. She has proceeded to continue to do house work and leave the toys where ever they happen to be at the end of the day, including in places where she has moved them that they not only don't go but are in the way. This is a constant source of irritation for me, and, yes, it colored what happened.[/quote]

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