Reply to Being forgotten as the most important figure in a babies life. How to deal?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You aren't the mother, OP, but even at 45 hours a week, you are certainly doing a lot of the mothering. It's up to the parents, if the child remembers you.

I've cared for children who still "remember" me. It's because the parents weren't threatened by my contribution to their child's healthy development. Those are the best parents, OP, those who are confident and secure with their own parenting.

The Mothers we so often see on this forum, with excessive hatred towards the nanny, are the ones who will try to pretend you never existed. Their children grow up with trust issues. They know they were raised by lots of nannies/au pairs/sitters, but their parents refuse to provide any details.

It's almost like adopted children who know nothing of their biological parents. No matter how much their adoptive parents love them, they usually still want to know where they came from.

People need to know they were loved by their earliest caregivers when they were little. The secure parents will rave about you forever. Those are the parents every nanny wants to work with, even at half her regular rates if she can afford to give them a discount and they truly need it.

I know a researcher from Stanford who understands this issue. As you can imagine, most (not all) MBs prefer not to hear about this. It's much too painful for them. That's why the angry MB on this thread has invested so much of herself trying to make you feel like you are the one with severe mental problems. The truth is, she's the one with problems. You're the one with the guts to talk about the truth.
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What a picture of the world you've painted, complete with unhappy almost-adopted babies and Stanford researchers who understand the truth.  Anything to put yourself on a pedestal.

I know my caretakers have loved me, but I've never felt any desire to reconnect with them. I'm sure mom would tell me if I asked her, but truth be told, I am not interested. They've done a good job; I'm content with that. None of them, I'm sure, have spent weekends crying in bed waiting for Monday mornings.

It's not painful for me to hear about this.  It's weird. But not painful. My son had a fabulous nanny for the first year of his life.   She phoned a few times to say hello, we were happy to hear from her, she got a picture once when she asked for it.  But I know she moved on and has other children in her charge now. These are the ways of the world. We are grateful for the job well done; she appreciates our appreciation but I know for a fact she doesn't cry for him. Well-adjusted lady, that one. [/quote]

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