Reply to Being forgotten as the most important figure in a babies life. How to deal?

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[quote=Anonymous]You aren't the mother, OP, but even at 45 hours a week, you are certainly doing a lot of the mothering. It's up to the parents, if the child remembers you.

I've cared for children who still "remember" me. It's because the parents weren't threatened by my contribution to their child's healthy development. Those are the best parents, OP, those who are confident and secure with their own parenting.

The Mothers we so often see on this forum, with excessive hatred towards the nanny, are the ones who will try to pretend you never existed. Their children grow up with trust issues. They know they were raised by lots of nannies/au pairs/sitters, but their parents refuse to provide any details.

It's almost like adopted children who know nothing of their biological parents. No matter how much their adoptive parents love them, they usually still want to know where they came from.

People need to know they were loved by their earliest caregivers when they were little. The secure parents will rave about you forever. Those are the parents every nanny wants to work with, even at half her regular rates if she can afford to give them a discount and they truly need it.

I know a researcher from Stanford who understands this issue. As you can imagine, most (not all) MBs prefer not to hear about this. It's much too painful for them. That's why the angry MB on this thread has invested so much of herself trying to make you feel like you are the one with severe mental problems. The truth is, she's the one with problems. You're the one with the guts to talk about the truth.

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