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[quote=Anonymous]I am the live in nanny of a one & a half year old. Mom works from home.

I am the type of nanny that gives feedback at the end of the day to the parents about my charge’s day & behavior- etc.

I cannot give my charge’s mother any sort of negative feedback about her child without receiving the most bizarre comments.

For example, I told the mother her child had an eventful day with lots of big emotions & fluctuating moods - I reassure her that I think this is normal for the child’s age. The mother responded “if you ever feel like hurting her because you’re so frustrated please bring her to me.” I told her that her child is never that frustrating & reassured her that I utilize the discipline methods we have discussed.

If I tell the mom “she was in a throwing mood” or “she was in a hitting mood today” “she didn’t want to play with me today so I let her have supervised play” the moms responses start with “well I think that’s normal for her age but I can ask the pediatrician” (she doesn’t care for any info online or from people in her life - so my reassurance that her child’s behavior is normal goes in one ear & out the other.) Then they vary from “don’t hit her back” “do you ever feel like shaking the baby” “I hope that she didn’t frustrate you to the point of wanting to hurt her” etc - it’s so bizarre. I always try to make her feel heard & reassured. She has asked me out of the blue multiple times if I have ever shaken a baby or felt like shaking one. It’s to the point where I feel like she has these thoughts herself.

I find this frustrating because I can’t give her adequate feedback unless I would like to have a fifteen minute conversation about wether or not I would hit the baby - and it’s never a conversation from the point of view  of “these are my disciplinary tactics & please stick to them” it’s “would you ever hit/shake/beat my baby & why or why not?”

I found out the mom never called or emailed my references (nanny of four years here) - I did have one of my past employers email her a reference letter. I don’t think she read it. She doesn’t want to call them & I don’t know why - but I can’t really think of a better way to receive reassurance about your nanny’s temperament. I have never yelled at the baby. I am a super affectionate nanny & I am particularly close with my current charge. I don’t think I display an aggressive temperament.

I would love any opinions or thoughts. [/quote]

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