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[quote=Anonymous]Okay, I think I have a different perspective here.

It sounds to me like DD likes being an older sibling and wants more control in general.  There are ways to encourage good relationships between them and give her more control without getting into a trap of her taking care of him or disrespecting adults.

I’d suggest sitting down with DD and asking her about exactly what happened and why.  Listen to what she’s telling you about the events, ask how she feels and why she reacted as she did.  Ask what her ideas are about how she can help at bedtime, and remind her that it’s helping, not doing everything.  For some older siblings, it might be helping with bath time, pjs or reading to the younger sibling (I would certainly steer towards this!), but actually making sure the younger child settles down to sleep should always be an adult.  Explain that you need her to do what she’s agreed to at the agreed time and then let the adult finish bedtime, or the adult will need to do bedtime without her help.

I would also explore ways for her to help more and have more control in other ways and at other times.  At 7, she could make breakfast or lunch, pack lunchboxes for school, or do chores.  I would actively discourage her from helping him do anything he should at least try for himself (getting dressed, putting on shoes, etc).

Btw, sitter shouldn’t have threatened to call the fire department...  That caused the situation to spiral.  And an adult who gets so overwrought that she starts bawling has no business caring for children, at least of those ages.[/quote]

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