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[quote=Anonymous]The eerily calm when frantic definitely sounds to me like anxiety--she may be detatching as a coping mechanism.  Given what you've said here, it sounds like it may be worth at least trying to address this.

I would ask her to meet with you at a time without kids (or before they wake/after bed), and have a talk.  Explain that you've noticed that lately she has been checking up on/reminding you about every little detail.  Obviously this is a symptom of her stress, but not only is it stressful for you to feel that she doesn't trust you, it is taking up a lot of your time--time that would be better spent focusing on the kids.  I would come up with concrete ideas for how she can still feel that she is communicating what she needs to while also decreasing the amount of your work day spent on fielding calls, texts, emails and verbal reminders.

My best recommendation is that the two of you set up a calendaring app like the one she mentioned, but you should sit with her and both of you login together during your meeting.  Then, you start entering everything she tells you into the calendar.  She if she says, "Please do this worksheet with DC." You can put in the calendar the time when you plan to do it, and sync it to her phone with a reminder email.  If this is an OCD/anxiety-driven need to reassure herself, maybe checking the calendar instead of checking with you every single time will be enough for her.  If you do this and she either balks or doesn't check the calendar but is still driving you batty, then I would go the opposite route and just give the minimal response/communication.  She tells you for the 509th time to put school forms in the folder?  You just say, "Okay."  Every thing is "Okay.  Will do.  Got it."  And donmt volunteer info such as "we had chicken last night."  She won't remember anyway, so save your breath.  If you still can't deal, then maybe losing another nanny will be the thing that pushes her to seek the treatment she obviously needs.[/quote]

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