What makes a good nanny leave?
![[Post New]](/nanny-forum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
FTM here considering a nanny for baby., friends nanny just left after 3 months on job, well she gave notice.
If hours are consistent, and pay is standard to above average, with typical benefits, why would a good nanny leave after such a short time? |
Anonymous
|
So many possible reasons!
If those basic factors are in place, the main reasons could be 1) Too many restrictions that make the job a slog (can't go anywhere would be number one, can't touch food in house, no wifi/tv/phone even during naptime, no classes or playdates). 2) Micromanaging (constant corrections about how to do everything). 3) Bad personality fit (mom likes to chat, nanny wants to keep it professional only or vice versa). 4) beginning/ending times not kept as promised. 5) Too many household tasks expected (be sure to outline these in your contract, don't just assume) 6) Other family members treating her poorly (DB, grandma, etc.) 6) New, inexperienced nanny discovers she's not cut out for the job or a difficult baby. 7) Nanny changed her mind/took a different job/some personal reason you can't anticipate. |
Anonymous
| I think quite often people think they're paying well, but then nanny finds friends who are getting paid much more in the same area. So she gets a better paying job. |
Anonymous
|
First, screen for a nanny who has a) been with the same family for a few years. I have an average of just over 2.5 years with my families. The shortest amount of time I was with one family was 8 months, and that was an after-school job where I stayed for one school year.
Second, screen for personality match. Do you LIKE your nanny? Ask her what kind of families she likes to work with. Ask her to describe her ideal working relationship and ideal job situation in detail. Does she seem casual or more reserved? Does she seem to want a lot of feedback or more free reign? HOW does she prefer to receive feedback (email/text, in person, via logbook) and how often (daily notes, weekly check-in, formal monthly or quarterly review)? Think carefully about what kind of relationship YOU and your partner are comfortable with. Will you want/need to be very hands-on employers ("we want baby to nap from 9-10:30, 1-2, and 4:30-5") or do you want someone who can take basic directions and run with it ("we want baby on a consistent nap schedule, preferably in her crib as much as possible, but no CIO"). Do you want someone very educated about infants (who will likely come with her own opinions as well) or someone who is less experienced but more willing to follow your lead? Third, screen for someone who actually knows what the job entails. While it's pretty reasonable for a nanny to say that she needs to get out of the house once in a while for her own sanity, the reality is that cold and flu season with an infant should be mostly indoors, which can be boring and isolating. You can ameliorate this to some extent by offering say, one outing a week to starbucks, or wifi use during naptimes, etc., but you need to be on the same page. The same goes for how often you and your partner will be around. If one or both of you likes to work from home regularly, be clear about that up front and discuss how to handle that. Same goes for any friends or relatives who might visit. How often will they be there and how will it impact nanny? And make sure that nanny has worked with at least one infant this age before full time as a nanny (day care doesn't count). You want to know that she understands that it will be a little boring and lonely, and that baby might cry a lot or otherwise be difficult. Also be clear up from about what kinds of housework you are asking for. Be reasonable and remember that the infant stage is short. If baby drops a nap, will nanny spend all available downtime folding laundry? That leads to burnout. Finally, once you hire her, be pleasant and respectful and UP FRONT in your communication and trust that you have done your due diligence and don't need to micromanage. |
nannydebsays
Member Offline
Member Offline
|
Well, I would say 90% of the time it's an issue with the parents - their management style, their ever increasing expectations that don't involve actual childcare, or just a "poor fit" between personalities.
Some of these issues can be prevented or fixed with excellent interviewing (finding a nanny who fills your wishes re: happy to be managed vs. preferring to be given basic direction and left to do her job). Other problems can be fixed or avoided with astute management of your needs vs. your nanny's needs. You may need to have all of your laundry done each week - YOUR laundry, not children's laundry. Nanny may need to feel full job satisfaction by focusing on child related tasks and on providing excellent child care. In that situation, nanny will leave because she is unhappy with her job. Note that this issue usually develops over time as parents add tasks to nanny's plate. A poor fit is harder to fix, and sometimes both parties need to accept that they would be more successful with other partners in their nanny/parent partnership. Maybe 10% of the time it's a child related issue, such as challenging behaviors that are accepted by parents and rejected by nanny. There are also ages that tend to be more difficult - I find 4 year old girls to be...interesting creatures, and would not choose to start a job with a girl who is 4. If I have been with a child since the newborn stage, the 4 yog stage is much less insane, IMO. Just as a note, the only job I ever left because of a child involved a 3 yo boy who was so horribly spoiled that he would literally drop his sippy cup on the ground and then yell for me to pick it up and give it back to him WHILE he stood next to said cup. His parents catered to him 100% of the time, never made him obey or do anything he didn't want to do, and as a nanny, I don't play that mess. |
Anonymous
|
Op here my friend's soon to be former nanny came highly recommended through an agency and the shortest time she was with a family was a year. My friend nevert had any complaints , feels blindsided.
I'm trying to avoid the same and help her gain insight. |
Anonymous
|
Did your friend contact the agency? Since the agency should be finding her a replacement now (most guarantee a year, with prorated fees for replacement), they have a vested interest in learning what went wrong.
My money is on that the agency talked her into the job even though something wasn't right for her -- money, location, household duties, hours -- you may never find out. Then she found a better fit and left. |
Anonymous
|
Just as a note, the only job I ever left because of a child involved a 3 yo boy who was so horribly spoiled that he would literally drop his sippy cup on the ground and then yell for me to pick it up and give it back to him WHILE he stood next to said cup. Weird, this seems like a pretty typical late-toddlerhood power struggle that any decent (not even great) childcare provider should be able to handle. |
Anonymous
Weird, this seems like a pretty typical late-toddlerhood power struggle that any decent (not even great) childcare provider should be able to handle. NP. I have had charges who were like this child, and parents who expected me to cater to the child, and I have quit, too. If the parents want to raise a spoiled brat, that is there business. I will not cater to a child's every whim, and I certainly don't encourage bad behavior (throwing the cup on the floor and yelling for nanny to pick it up and hand it back is age-appropriate for a one year old, but I still teach them that it won't be tolerated). Yes, a nanny can manage the power struggles inherent with toddlers and preschoolers, but only if the parents allow it. When the parent notifies the nanny that she isn't to say no to the child, that's my cue to give notice. |
Anonymous
|
Maybe your friend wasn't a great employer.
Maybe nanny had things happen in her personal life that changed her plans. You won't know unless that nanny says. My advice to you is do not go to your friends and coworkers for nanny advice unless by some miracle they have managed to keep a fabulous nanny for many years. If you use a nanny treat her fairly, pay a fair wage, and give her space to do her job, and you should be fine. |
Anonymous
|
A better offer or
bratty kids |
Anonymous
|
I'm a determined person and do not get the idea to leave even if its not the greatest at first. I've only left two jobs and these were my reasons.
Fam 1 - MB constantly late with no apology. - Acted like the world ended after I took a sick day. Fam 2 - Different personality styles than what I first thought. - DB was a jerk. They always fought. - They repeatedly changed the contact to meet their demands. They broke the contact twice. I left fam 1 after a year, and fam 2 at 6 weeks. |
Anonymous
| Sometimes if it sounds too good to be true it is. I've found myself in a job after a couple of weeks where nothing was at it seemed. Crazy MB. Never on time, late pay, texting and calling constantly after I've went home for dumb shit. The kicker was when I said I couldn't watch the kiddos one weekend because I had plans. She was made I had made plans without checking with them first. Ummm those are my off days! |
Anonymous
|
Many reasons:
~ A feeling of being micro-managed while on the job. Trust me...ALL nannies want autonomy in their duties. All. ~ Feeling like she is getting "Job Creeped." Meaning she is being asked to do certain chores/duties that were not mandated at hire. ~ A dirty and filthy home. ~ Not being paid on time. Or having pay deducted for whatever reason. ~ Strong dislike for the child(ren) she is in charge of. Lack of bonding. ~ Different parenting philosophies between her and her nanny family. ~ Family coming home often later than expected. No bueno. ~ Switching days/hours with little notice. ~ Found a higher paying position, maybe a closer commute or just a much better fit. ~ Discovering hidden cameras in the home and feeling deceived and betrayed. Lack of integrity on the part of the family. |
Anonymous
| Demanding parents |