Nanny requests 1 month off to vacation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I'm not PP but another nanny who has been following this thread with interest. Honestly, yes, those of us who are educated, experienced American nannies are being undercut by cheap, often uneducated foreign nannies. I disagree with you that we do not work as hard. Honestly, 90% of the foreign nannies I've observed out and about with their charges seem to be the ones who are most likely to be on their phones, zoning out, completely disengaged with their charges. Interestingly enough, most of their charges seem to be under 3 (and therefore less likely to tell mommy and daddy what their nanny does all day).

I am also a nanny, though I live-in and typically work with families when it's an irregular schedule. Let me tell you a story. 7 children, all homeschooled. Working 24/7 as mother was in another state and dad worked on call, he might be home a week or two, but he might be gone for a week or more. Total vacation: 0 days. Days off (employer mandated): 4. I had a blast with the family and I would do it again in a heartbeat.

There are plenty of American nannies available that will work hard for a "reasonable" wage (ie. not enough to live on if not married and working live out), but there are also plenty of nannies that are foreign-born that work hard. Check references and ask about the number of days the nanny was sick, how many personal days she took, how long her vacations were. Ask if she taught your children ANYTHING (I've seen plenty that didn't consider it their responsibility to teach basic numbers and letters, let alone a foreign language), ask what her responsibilities were for the house (and how well she did it), ask what activities SHE set up for the children, unless you want to be responsible for setting their schedules completely.

I ask questions, and frequently I'm told that my questions are ridiculous, too involved, unnecessary or fishing; I ask so that I know what your situation is (more than half of families seeking a nanny post a generalized post, sometimes one line only...) and whether I might be a fit. I ask whether there are conditions, allergies or dietary restrictions (including religious), that way I know whether I know how to cook for your family ( I probably do, but no guarantees), how to handle it when the child wants a peanut butter cookie at the bake sale, what to do when she starts choking for no apparent reason. I ask what your rules are on technology, so that I know whether your children are allowed to play on the iPad on the way to school, whether they will want to watch TV instead of playing kickball outside and whether you are one of the families that expect the nanny to walk in and cut the TV from 8 hours a day to 20 minutes (it doesn't work, the kids see the nanny as a tyrant, especially when the parents don't back her up). I ask what type of diapers you use, whether your child is potty training or trained, whether your child is even interested. I ask if your toddler is in preschool (not daycare) and whether I am allowed to do educational activities (some parents refuse to allow educational games and songs until 3, no idea why). I ask what method of discipline you use or will use and I offer all the methods as examples with which I am comfortable. I ask what you expect for housekeeping, because the requirements vary between families (one wants bathrooms spotless everyday, another wants the floors swept/mopped/shined everyday) and I want to know whether it's possible for me to do everything on your list when the children are not home (I don't do housework while child are awake and aware, as my attention belongs with them). I ask whether your children have chores, whether your children need help with homework, perhaps in depth tutoring. I ask what summer activities you have planned and what I'm allowed to schedule. I ask if I should use your car or get my own, I ask what compensation will be for using my vehicle for your family's needs and I ask what your safety requirements are (I won't purchase anything until I know the safety requirements). I provide references, but some people don't bother to check. I offer a background check and driving record, but most don't care about that. I offer drug testing before and during employment, and I have yet to have a single family say yes. I ask if they have questions, but they never do... How is it that I can have so many questions, but the family never does?

You get what you pay for, I can agree with that. But I also think that there are plenty of people that will go above and beyond, just because they love what they do and they develop a bond with your children. Frankly, my opinion is that the nanny is not there to be your friend. She's not there to be your child's friend or sister. A nanny is a parent's partner in raising their child, willing to teach and support the child, willing to serve as a bridge between parent and child when needed, and willing to support the parent's role. She is not a parent, but she is a parental figure to your child, and all the families that want a sister figure or friend are foolish (in my opinion).

Sorry about the tangent, but I do feel if the OP had asked questions, this wouldn't have been an issue.

[Anonymous]

This wouldn't work for me, OP. I hire a nanny because I need childcare and I want a consistent caregiver for my children. Any amount of back-up care is a challenge - both because it's extremely expensive and hard to find, and also because it represents a new person and a new routine for me and my children to get to know, including having to retrain and monitor and everything else. Our nanny has two weeks vacation of her choosing each year (which incidentally is the same amount of vacation time I get in my job). Beyond that, I need her to be able to commit the job.

Asking for a vague "at least a month off" would mean to me that I wasn't on the same page as my nanny with regards to the job requirements. I would let her know that this represents a huge struggle to me and that I thought I was clear in the contract that two weeks would accrue each year. I would give her the two weeks off paid and then anything additional beyond that would be unpaid and that I would not approve any additional leave for the rest of the leave year until more was accrued.

If I'm honest, I'd probably be looking for another nanny, unless this one was absolutely outstanding in all other ways.

[Anonymous]

I'm a MB. First, I'd start off with a conversation of does she expect to take 4 weeks off every summer. If so, that would be a deal breaker and I would find a new nanny.

If this is a once every 3 or 4 year trip, I would say, maybe, if you can help me find a fill-in nanny for the month you will be gone. Over the summer, there are usually college girls or teachers who would love a 1 month job. I would then grant her the 4 week vacation unpaid, as a one time leave of absence.