50/50 custody in MD, NOT sharing AP. Ex using aftercare. Anyone BTDT? work related care cost calc?
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Anonymous
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Hello, my ex and I are already newly divorced in the past year. I am the mom. We are in MD. We already have had au pair with us. We had to share cost up till now, but Moving forward in a few months we start 50-50 vs me having them 80 of time. I am not sure what to expect for child support related work related childcare. He makes slightly more than I do. I work at a demanding job where I cannot often, not always, can NOT take my phone in or be contacted for parts of a day akin to doctors in surgery or a firefighter. So for me having an au pair is important during my time to allow for an extension of myself to be contacted. My ex works from home most days. He thinks he will use before and after care, but most likely he will have to pay the whole week cost. We earn enough to beyond the high income scale in Maryland for child support, but not enough around the DC area to live very well independently lol. Anyways, looking for someone that has been there done that and used au pair of all there X did not? If so, how was the child care calculated?
I know some adverse opinions (my ex) don’t want to use the entire amount of cost related to an au pair because they say they do more than childcare like help me with the kids, laundry, and/or argue that I should have to pay all of mine, and he have to pay all of his. But my Au Pair will be more money than his before and after care. And the nature of my job requires me to be on call for a longer amount of time without contact ability. We make about the same amount of income. The kids are on my insurance. There is nothing in our divorce decree requiring him right of first refusal. |
Anonymous
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I’m not sure what your question is.
I think it’s reasonable to ask your au pair to work more hours the weeks you have the kids, and less hours the opposite week as long as it doesn’t exceed the allowed amount in a 2 week period. The au pair stays at your house but can go to the other house for the few hours or care they may need on that week. |
Anonymous
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I know several divorced couples that shared an AP and it worked fine. As long as max hours weren't exceeded and you don't put her in middle of any issues. The APs even had a room at the other house.
Why aren't you doing same? What you are describing sounds very choatic for the child. |
Anonymous
| I don’t want to share an au pair. My question is who out there has not shared an au pair and had 50-50 custody or something like that. Where your choice of care is an au pair and your ex child care is something else, for their days. Was your ex responsible to pay a slightly higher amount to help you with your child care? Since your job required more care? And how was that calculated? I can make that case that mine requires more hourly care—- think of a doctor On Call. I need more hour coverage than him for his wfh job, even if we have 50/50 custody. |
Anonymous
| Unfortunately, if we share an au pair, it’s just not realistic because he will be too demanding on her and the au pair is not comfortable. I’ve been there done that. My au pair is OK working just for me in my home and loves my kids and living in my home. She does not want to be working in his home following his directions. |
Anonymous
| You either use his child care and work it out with him or you 100% pay for yours. Why should he pay for your child care? Are you willing to pay for his equally? |
Anonymous
Your, home, your child care, he’s not using it, you pay. How is this an issue? |
Anonymous
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Find an AP that will work with both of you. It happens frequently.
It is about reducing chaos for your child. |
Anonymous
| And she can work in his home but sleep at yours if she is that uncomfortable. |
Anonymous
| Proportionally he makes more money and my job requires more work hours of related child care. Sharing an au pair has not proven feasible— my au pair is as flexible as they come. It’s just not a good enough peaceful relationship between parents for any au pair to have to go between. Hence my question—- anyone else had 50/50’custody but the one parent that made less $$ used a non shared au pair (or other more expensive child care than the other parent)? If yes— How was that calculated? Thanks all |
Anonymous
| Again my understanding is that work related childcare, even if NOT shared physically, is supposed to be shared financially in post divorce couples. So I don’t think it’s a simple case of —-both exs independently pay pay for their own childcare only |
Anonymous
| Is leaving your kids with ex/ after-school care an option during your on-call hours? Have you discussed this with your ex? You can offer to pay for the care during your custody time. This will be cheaper than aupair. |
Anonymous
It goes into the child support calculation but since you will not share child care you'd also be responsible in that calculation for his. Child support isn't going to pay for an au pair. Be real. This is so bizarre. You both need to use a day care/after school care and if you cannot take the kids, he takes them. He should not pay extra because you refuse to be reasonable |
Anonymous
| Are you speaking from experience ? Why would child support in Maryland not include an au pair ? Because from what I read, child support does include work related child care— which for our kids has already been an au pair. For us, I am divorced because my ex was/is an abusive alcoholic. We’ve tried sharing an au pair and my au pairs have not been comfortable with working at his home. There was protective votes against him for myself and my kids . An au pair provides the most stability for my kids. |
Anonymous
| *protective order not votes |