Normal to feel a bit uneasy first time with a nanny at home ?

[Anonymous]

We tried nanny for the first time last week for our 7 months old. Baby was crying at first but in the afternoon they got along well. So we decided to hire her long term.

The question is, we both work from home now. And I sometimes don’t know how to act when a stranger ( nanny) is there. My husband usually stays in his office for the whole day but since I am part time I would roam around the house. If she plays with the baby in the living room/ basement/ anywhere else, I would try to avoid going there. But sometimes it is just inevitable. And I struggle to decide if I should say something or ask if she needs help or how the baby is doing if we come across, shall I just let them be there and pretend not noticing. And I feel weird when there is people passing by while I am doing my stuff.

Is this going to improve with time ?

[Anonymous]

Don’t “roam around the house” while your nanny and child are there. Yes, it will affect the relationship between all of you if you do. This is why it’s tricky and many nannies don’t want to work with stay at home parents. I guarantee she feels weirder about it than you do. Definitely don’t get involved unless it’s an emergency. If you’re really just “roaming” and have the time to take care of the kid, why is she staying on and not done before then? If you’re doing other things, focus on that.

(I am a stay at home mom with a nanny because I’m heavily pregnant with twins and I definitely don’t “roam around” my house while she is present, it just makes it awkward for everyone.)

[Anonymous]

As a nanny I’d NOT want my employer around; it’d make me feel uncomfortable, that’s why you hire the nanny to take care of the child while you are not able to do so. If you’re roaming and doing nothing, do yourself a favor and either schedule a class, go for a walk or just chill

[Anonymous]

Former nanny here. I don’t mind if the parents come I. With groceries or making lunch because at the end of the day it’s your house, it’s just hard when parents come in and out where child and I are and disrupt what we having going on and then we’re left to deal with the upset child that you got worked up lol

[Anonymous]

Op here. By roaming around, I mean I do not have an office and when nanny was not here I usually work in the living room or kitchen table. Since she is here now I am trying to avoid her so when she is in the living room I would move to the kitchen when she moves to the kitchen I just go to the basement.

[Anonymous]

Stay in the basement.

[Anonymous]

This reads to me as if you are the actual Nanny here……and just wanted some advice on how to deal w/your Mom Boss walking around and that is okay.

In the event that I am totally wrong & misreading your post OP - forgive my ignorance.

Anyway it is completely normal to initially feel a little uneasy/uncomfortable having a new person > basically a stranger still at this point, right? > in your home.
Hopefully w/time as you + your Nanny get to fully know each other, your comfort level will change.

It is just that these things do take time.
In the meantime, I would stay out of their way as much as you possibly can.

Allow your baby to bond w/the Nanny which is pivotal for this to succeed.
Perhaps run some errands in the afternoon if possible.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. By roaming around, I mean I do not have an office and when nanny was not here I usually work in the living room or kitchen table. Since she is here now I am trying to avoid her so when she is in the living room I would move to the kitchen when she moves to the kitchen I just go to the basement.

It would be best for ALL involved here if you simply set your workspace up in the basement and stayed there.

At least while working.
Once you are finished w/your work, you can go to the main floor and relieve your Nanny.

[Anonymous]

PP at 21:15 has given the most helpful and concise advice— cuts through to the matter instead of dancing around it. The problem is that we allow or create a lot of unnecessary grey areas surrounding nanny/parent/childcare arrangements and this is what has caused chaos and stress for Nannie’s and eventually children and parents post pandemic. Just because parents work from home does not mean it has to be unnecessarily stressful for your nanny. Unnecessary stress for the nanny is when you as a parent don’t create a clear workspace to work from home from away from the nanny and child and end up everywhere and wherever they are — ultimately you shoot yourself in the foot and affect your child because now your child is unable to distinguish what’s going on and why there’s another person in the mix when you are around, it makes the healthy bond between nanny and child harder but yet parents will be quick to blame the nanny when their child’s separation anxiety does not subside instead of looking at how they become part of the problem as well.

Also if you know that you actually will not be working for part or most of the time and just want to be there, make that clear in your ad and interview as well so as not mislead Nannie’s who are looking for autonomy and consistent workspace. Chances are if you plan to linger and hover around, you may have a harder time finding experienced serious candidates. Remember that pre pandemic, most parents worked outside of the home and Nannies had a clear frame work in which to do their work and it was way less stressful for them than it is now with more parents wanting private childcare without a proper conducive environment in place to host that arrangement. It’s even more evident in nanny shares where both parents want to work from home with no home offices and no plans to provide separate sleeping and playing spaces for the children— this is why I am seeing more Nannie’s who used to work nanny shares forego the higher pay to work for a single family hoping to have less stress.

While some parents may believe that they pay their nanny to undergo unnecessary stress as parent of the job, more parents need to understand that a stressed nanny will not be as effective and healthy for your child’s sake (and hers down the line). Children benefit more from adults who are in a healthy state of mind and they can sense it.

Hope this is helpful for parents out there.

[Anonymous]

Stay away of her way. It's your house, of course it is. But your nanny needs to do her work. Hang out in places where your nanny is playing, reading, feeding to your child. This interfere her job. Everything changed due the Pandemic. So now if you want to hire a Nanny, please respect their space and give them, her space.

As my experience, sorry but I don't take Jobs when Parents don't have a set Office in their house. There is no way when Parents pretend to be working in common space, like kitchen and living room. This is very important for a nanny and also it's very uncomfortable being watched all day with parents just hanging out around the house.

Good luck with this.

[Anonymous]

So as a parent who used to be a nanny and now has one I think there has to be a balance. Staying locked up all day isn’t realistic since she only works PT. I think you should have a talk with the nanny and explain you want to give her space and not interfere etc. The nanny doesn’t need your help though. Please do think that.

[Anonymous]

Go get groceries, take a walk, volunteer at something job related… or give her time off when you’re home and available, and let her go relax in the basement until you need to work and she’s with your child again.