Helping toddlers understand AP is leaving

[Anonymous]

I have a 2 yo and a 4yo and our first AP will be leaving in less than a month. I'm grateful for her but also ready for the year to end; but of course my kids have gotten attached, love her and will undoubtedly be confused and sad that she is moving out. I've tried to preview what's going on in basic terms but of course it's hard for little ones to understand. The older one is asking why she is leaving and I'm worried they will feel abandoned by her. Also, the new AP will start a few days later...in retrospect I wish I had planned for a longer gap in between because I think it will be a tough transition. Any advice about helping little kids understand and process the departure of an AP/arrival of a new one?

[Anonymous]

Work along side the new au pair for as long as you can. Don’t force your children to feel comfortable alone with her until they’re ready. You said the children may feel abandoned. That’s essentially what’s happening. How long are you available to be there for them?

Maybe have new aupair focus at first on household tasks.

[Anonymous]

I think turning the APs departure into something happy is the way to go - you have a cake and a celebration of her heading off on her new adventure. They draw her a card to say "we will miss you and good luck" - I have done AP transitions with toddlers twice and this worked for us.

We have had overlaps so the kids have time to adjust to the new AP for a week - this also gives the old AP an opportunity to demonstrate to the kids that SHE likes the new AP and they should too.

Don't make this a bad thing - they will look to you to show this is not being "abandoned" but rather a new friend.

[Anonymous]

OP here, I appreciate the advice. I will try to keep it positive with the kids and do the celebration. I like the idea of framing it as the AP is starting a new adventure. To the PP from 8/8, the AP won't have to be in charge of the kids for at least a week because we made other childcare arrangements so she could really ease into things (I'll be with her that week, working from home half days and helping her settle in). Will definitely try to give everyone time to adjust to the new situation. It's hard because there are a lot of other transitions/changes happening in our household right now, but we will just do the best we can.

[Anonymous]

We told our kids that APs had fun with them, but need to see their own mamas and dadas, whom they miss very much. It's something they understood instantly.

[Anonymous]

We have had au pairs since the kids were born. I also worried about the transitions, especially the first one. Turns out, it was not a problem for the kids. They just rolled with it. They are 7 and 6 now and talk about their next au pair already although they adore our current one. They simply know that au pairs leave after a year and then someone new comes. Good luck, OP!

[Anonymous]

Hello,
My humble opinion is to work on a minimum one week of transition with the new nanny.
They don't understand or use their reasoning yet at their short age, plus, we nannies have different characters
and personalities, the new nanny has a duty to work on their acceptation.
Wish you the best !
Trini

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hello,
My humble opinion is to work on a minimum one week of transition with the new nanny.
They don't understand or use their reasoning yet at their short age, plus, we nannies have different characters
and personalities, the new nanny has a duty to work on their acceptation.
Wish you the best !
Trini

APs are not nannies. If OP has talked to her children about the AP missing their family, it'll be fine.