If a nanny brings her kid, am I expected to feed/clothe/clean up after them?

[Anonymous]

I have a 4-year-old. I have a backup babysitter who also has a 4-year-old who is out of school on summer break.

My son's regular nanny was sick, so I called my backup sitter. She needed to bring her 4-year-old, which I said my son would love a playmate.

Except - supervision wasn't the greatest. Her son peed all over the bathroom, twice and doesn't wash his hands. I had to ask her to make sure she was monitoring both kids properly and cleaning up after them and making sure the kids wash their hands.

She brought lunch for her son both days and ended up feeding him out of my fridge anyways. I made a sandwich for my son in advance and then noticed both days she had made her and her son mac and cheese and sandwiches out of my fridge. They went through one box of popsicles in two days.

She wanted to take my son to the zoo, which I said no. Because it would have cost me her admission, my son's admission ($50 total) plus gas mileage and I would have had to wrangle car seats. She asked again to help me take the car seat out of my car and put it in hers during the middle of my workday and I said no, sorry. There are three parks within a 1-mile walking radius of my house.

Our kids were playing in the backyard and her kid got wet/dirty she asked for a change of clothes for him, on both days. There's no way I could do this regularly. I don't see how it "benefits" the family, especially considering she charges her regular rate ($28/hr). She happily told me at the end of the day she didn't have to do much since the kids entertained each other, and it's true. She sat in the backyard, eating popsicles and watching her phone.

I would just never do it again. I don't see how or why nannies push bringing their kids to work when it ends up being a benefit to the family. There was extra garbage, laundry, dishes, and just overall financial cost at the end of the day that doesn't seem to benefit us at all with the exception my son had a very expensive playdate.

[Anonymous]

I would have told her what my son was to eat for lunch, and said "Sorry zoo's not an option but you can take the kids to any of the three parks within a mile of our house."

But yeah, I wouldn't hire this woman again.

[Anonymous]

Fire her. For $28 an hour she needs child care for her child and she sound pretty bad. She should clean up after both kids and I don't have an issue feeding a child but she is taking advantage of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fire her. For $28 an hour she needs child care for her child and she sound pretty bad. She should clean up after both kids and I don't have an issue feeding a child but she is taking advantage of you.

It doesn't sound like she's a consistent employee, just a backup childcare option. So no need to "fire her," OP just shouldn't call her again when she's in a bind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fire her. For $28 an hour she needs child care for her child and she sound pretty bad. She should clean up after both kids and I don't have an issue feeding a child but she is taking advantage of you.

It doesn't sound like she's a consistent employee, just a backup childcare option. So no need to "fire her," OP just shouldn't call her again when she's in a bind.

agree with this.
I also think you sound like a micromanager OP. She came for the day and you think it’s a big deal to give them lunch?
Yes she should keep spare clothes for him in her car but she didn’t. Asking to borrow an outfit for her kid is not that awful. I’ve lent clothes to people before.

[Anonymous]

So your 4yo boy never pees in the bathroom? He had perfect aim every time? How do you know her kid didn’t wash his hands?
Three guesses why she wanted to take them both out to the zoo.
Don’t call her again OP. Take the day off work next time.

[Anonymous]

Why are you paying someone $28/hour when she has her own kid? No.

[Anonymous]

Doesn't everyone always keep spare clothes and shoes for their kids in their car all the time? Heck, I even do this for myself.

[Anonymous]

Wow, I do agree that you paid her too much for bringing along her own child.

And it seems that not only did your child get less attention - but it created more work for you in the end since you had to clean up after her son at the end of the day.

Yikes!

However I would not have taken issue w/her + her son eating your food.
Sandwiches & Mac and Cheese are relatively inexpensive items as are popsicles.
I would not mind if my Nanny ate my food, unless she was of course cooking up large, elaborate dishes using steaks or the like.
But that is just how I think….I do not expect everyone else to think like I do.

I also think it is good that this Nanny asked to take your child to the zoo.
There are many families that complain about their Nannies not engaging enough w/their kiddos so I think a Nanny asking a parent in advance for permission to take a child out (even if it includes driving) is a win-win.

Since the Nanny initiated the idea, and since she is only a back-up provider I would think you would only be obligated to pay for your own child’s zoo entrance fee.
However as an act of goodwill > I as a parent would pay for my Nanny’s ticket as well as gas/mileage reimbursement.
Sure there may be parks within a 1-mile walking distance however w/two four-yr. old kids it likely is easier to drive them since a.) after playing at the park, they may be too tired to walk the mile home and b.) depending on where you live, walking in the summer heat may be too hard for both Nanny as well as the two boys, especially if there are any hills.
(Speaking from personal experience!)

Since this is only a back-up Nanny, I would just not call her again.
In the meantime, I would search for another Nanny to use whenever your regular one is unavailable.

I wish you the best in your search!

[Anonymous]

I would expect to pay no more than $20/hr with a nanny share situation. You overpaid. The babysitter seems clueless and clearly felt like she was doing you a big favor. Next time, find someone else or just take the time off to spend some time with your kid.

[Anonymous]

My first reaction is that you are overpaying AND this is not acceptable for a regular nanny position. However, you do mention this is a back-up who was able to fill in on presumably short notice since it was a sick day. It can be hard to find backup childcare with only an hour notice in the morning or even overnight notice, so it kind of depends on what your other options are. I’d still try to find a different arrangement so I wouldn’t have to call this person again but in a pinch, sometimes you do end up overpaying and/or having babysitter level care.