Nanny gave less than 2 weeks notice after 3 years

[Anonymous]

Our nanny had been with us since our youngest was 4 months old. She cared for him in a share and then cared for him and his new brother. For the last year, she has only had the younger one to watch most of the day while the is at school. She makes $30+/hour.

We stay out or her way and let her do whatever she thinks is best with the boys. She’s a true pro and has been a nanny for more than 30 years.

My spouse and I are stumped - we have been very kind and very generous to her. And our boys are good natured, way going guys. I do most of the nanny-related stuff, and was shocked she would just drop this on us midweek. She claims she’s just ready to do something different. When we asked if she has a new job, she said no. After the second year when she was just with us and not in a share, we did not have her resign a contract. When I expressed disappointment/shock at her giving us such short notice, and pointed out that the contracts we initially signed contemplated 30 days, she commented that she didn’t sign a contract.

Honestly, I was speechless. That she didn’t give me more time to find a good replacement for these little guys that’s she’s cared for really is so very disappointing. It was like she didn’t even care.

[Anonymous]

I am very sorry for your children. It’s most difficult for them to suddenly lose their primary caregiver.

All I can say is lots of parents believe they’re wonderful employers of their nannies.

Please, please, please make regular parent/nanny meetings a very high priority. You need to know what’s not going well, before it’s too late.

[Anonymous]

Chances are something has come up that she is not comfortable sharing with you. Could be her health, health of a family member, burnout, dream job offered, or 100 other things. She is doing what she feels she needs to do for herself and her family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our nanny had been with us since our youngest was 4 months old. She cared for him in a share and then cared for him and his new brother. For the last year, she has only had the younger one to watch most of the day while the is at school. She makes $30+/hour.

We stay out or her way and let her do whatever she thinks is best with the boys. She’s a true pro and has been a nanny for more than 30 years.

My spouse and I are stumped - we have been very kind and very generous to her. And our boys are good natured, way going guys. I do most of the nanny-related stuff, and was shocked she would just drop this on us midweek. She claims she’s just ready to do something different. When we asked if she has a new job, she said no. After the second year when she was just with us and not in a share, we did not have her resign a contract. When I expressed disappointment/shock at her giving us such short notice, and pointed out that the contracts we initially signed contemplated 30 days, she commented that she didn’t sign a contract.

Honestly, I was speechless. That she didn’t give me more time to find a good replacement for these little guys that’s she’s cared for really is so very disappointing. It was like she didn’t even care.

Evidently, you aren't as wonderful employers as you think you are.

[Anonymous]

Something happened. She overheard a convo where you were saying that you were looking at full time preschool. Your husband made a comment about her "being the most expensive thing they pay" or your kids said "mom doesn't want you to help with math homework"

Or she asked about a vacation and you said the timing was not right. Or that you couldn't take.time.off because of the layoffs happening at your company. OR, she has been giving hints for a while and you have not being listened - she talked about going back to college, she said she and her family want to move to Bermuda.

I find it hard to believe that she has been with you for three years, nothing changed and she just up and left. Unless, you have a history of being difficult and she didn't want to deal with a month of passive aggressive comments.

[Anonymous]

She doesn’t want to work with a 1 and 3/4 year old. That’s a really hard job. She probably quit once the youngest was mobile, correct? I’m a nanny and those are the hardest/worst jobs, age 1 & 3. Sorry!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Something happened. She overheard a convo where you were saying that you were looking at full time preschool. Your husband made a comment about her "being the most expensive thing they pay" or your kids said "mom doesn't want you to help with math homework"

Or she asked about a vacation and you said the timing was not right. Or that you couldn't take.time.off because of the layoffs happening at your company. OR, she has been giving hints for a while and you have not being listened - she talked about going back to college, she said she and her family want to move to Bermuda.

I find it hard to believe that she has been with you for three years, nothing changed and she just up and left. Unless, you have a history of being difficult and she didn't want to deal with a month of passive aggressive comments.

I agree or you haven't kept up with the market. Maybe she was poached for $30+ for one newborn or an offer including full health insurance. Maybe two kids is too much for her after 30 years in the field. I'd say alll of my nanny families over the last 18 years have thought they were great employers and every single one did the things PP listed above in various degrees.

[Anonymous]

My sister is a very well paid nanny. Former ES teacher with masters in Reading. The neighbors/family friends are constantly trying to poach her. My sister simply tells the mom who they are, what they are offering, mom then gives my sister more money or more time off or whatever she prefers.

Nanny should have been upfront with you, OP.

[Anonymous]

This happened to us too with a long time nanny who we gave a ton of notice to about a planned move. It fractured the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Even though she wasn’t obligated to give you more time, it would be the courteous and kind thing to do.

It could be that something has come up for her and she isn’t comfortable sharing it, and she needs to leave asap.

It could be that she doesn’t understand how much time it takes to get a new nanny / what a bind she put you in.

As you can see from some of these responses, some people only think of themselves. There are PPs who are bending over backwards to paint you as a terrible employer, even though you haven’t written anything to that effect. We live in a “me me me” society where people look after themselves first - maybe she just didn’t consider you at all.

Either way in the future you should add a 30 day notice provision and I’d remember her lack of courtesy when it comes to final bonus / future recommendations / favors she needs.

[Anonymous]

OP, it's a job. It doesn't matter that it's in someone's house or with children - it's still just a job. Obviously something must have been bothering her to not be giving much notice and you're not as great as you think you are.

[Anonymous]

When I expressed disappointment/shock at her giving us such short notice, and pointed out that the contracts we initially signed contemplated 30 days, she commented that she didn’t sign a contract.

This- considering you don’t have a contract she doesn’t owe you anything. Since you don’t have a contract have you even raised her pay offered other benefits as you would have if renewing your contract?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She doesn’t want to work with a 1 and 3/4 year old. That’s a really hard job. She probably quit once the youngest was mobile, correct? I’m a nanny and those are the hardest/worst jobs, age 1 & 3. Sorry!

I agreed!
I also left my job (I was a nanny initially with an infant and then twins came around; lots of work and I was at $32 with all benefits and workers comp; found another family with a newborn and they offered me $32 so I took it!!) I told my former employer I was transitioning to another job and they understood. We have a good relationship, they use me occasionally.

Your nanny is going to do whatever is best for herself; just as you would do if you find another job with less stress and same or more money& flexibility.
No reason to be hurt feelings or disappointed. Be thankful she’s given notice(2 weeks is standard, sounds like you didn’t renew her contract so it’s out of curtesy she’s given you 2 weeks.)

Best of luck finding a new nanny; there are great caregivers. My family found me through Nanny Poppinz

[Anonymous]

I think something happened; nobody quit like that, if everything was great. It seems to me, she was not happy in this position at all. She could not handle anymore. But the weird thing, clearly You and her don't have open communication; to talk about any issue that might arise.

Maybe you think everything was going great (for You) but no for her.

Parents always around the house, kids crying, whining, with lots of tantrums, looking for mom and dad in the house? You don't give her at least a little of space to her to have lunch or break? Misbehaved kids, hard to handle? No giving authority to the Nanny in front of the kids? The worse thing, A very dirty house and a huge mess every single day? Micromanagement Parents? . Lots of things could have made her quit.

She really wanted to quit ASAP, and there's a strong reason that you maybe didn't even imagine why. Maybe you did something and just she couldn't anymore.

I'm sorry to hear that but the only thing you can do start looking for someone ASAP. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I can imagine that she might not like those ages, but if everything really was going fine, she would have said "hey - just so you know, I feel most comfort / happiness / joy working with infants or ten year olds, so when baby is 1, I will want to move on. We can make a transition plan to accommodate that for both of us" Or, at some point when she did not like the job and was looking, she would have said "I want to be honest that .... is not working for me. I am going to start looking for something else and want you to have time to do the same." Our nanny decided to go back to college and gave us three months notice and was flexible with end date so we could find someone and not have a time clock.

I do think something happened or you are a difficult person with changes. It is telling that your interaction after 3 years was not "oh my gosh. We are going to miss you so much. The boys have thrived under your care." But instead was "our old contact stipulated that you should give 30 days" It sounds like you refer to the "contract" or letter of the employment agreement a lot - because her response was "I did not sign anything" I can not imagine either of our nannies saying that. Ever.

I think you have either been more difficult or intractable than you realized or became that way over the last little bit and she knew that giving you a month would mean lots of job creep, comments, and working her for every minute owed. And she was not interested in that.