Really concerned about NK (7) and the way he is handled. Has anyone reported to CPS?
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Anonymous
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I started this position in late August. The eldest (B7 almost 8) is in school most days and usually I just do pick up and spend a few hours with him 3 evenings a week.
All of the kids are very spoiled as MB & DB believe they are practicing gentle parenting but in reality they are just ultra permissive parents. Zero discipline for the children old enough for consequences, children are never told no, they will run themselves ragged making sure these children are always perfectly happy as content which is obviously futile because happy and content children need boundaries. The younger two (G18mo & G3) are with me all day. I have minimal issues if their parents aren’t home, our day goes smooth. I literally live in fear the days I have to watch B7 because he doesn’t have school or is ill because he is a truly terrifying child. He torments his siblings and shows no remorse. He’s threatened me numerous times, the worse being when we were driving and he asked me to stop and get him ice cream and I declined because we had somewhere to be. He pulled in my seatbelt from behind me and threatened to get out of his seat, strangle me, make me wreck the car and “escape” while letting me and his younger siblings “burn to death in the car.” This was in October, I addressed it with his parents and they actually seemed to doubt I was telling the truth but said they’d “talk to him about it.” Not sure what came of it but no apology from his end. He generally treats me like garbage and I have decided to go to a new position in the new year despite the solid pay and enjoying the younger two children. I have nannied for over a decade and never dreaded being around a child. My concern is for the younger siblings. In the past 4.5 months there have been several very concerning incidences that lead me to believe he is a direct threat to his siblings. Early on he and his 3-year-old sister were playing in her bedroom as I changed G18mo and I came in and he had G3s pants and undergarments off. He was not touching her but this startled me so much I immediately corrected him and told them both that they needed to keep their hands to themselves. I made sure to not shame G3 who just looked confused. B7 just responded he could do what he wanted. He is more curious about nudity and sexuality than most bits his age are in my (limited) experience. I don’t nanny for kids older than 5 usually but he is very obsessive with the female body and makes constant comments about sexual acts. He always fights to see his youngest sisters bottom when I change her and has “jokingly” touched both girls bottoms over their clothes. I’ve asked him to stop. I’ve addressed this with the parents numerous times. Dismissive. I plan on contacting CPS once I leave, I’d do it earlier but I know they’ll know I reported and worry about how they’d react. Beyond having my pay withheld, I do know a nanny who reported her family for abuse (dad was practically beating the kids) and they ended up accusing her of the abuse. It was a giant mess. I obviously want to protect the kids, but that is MB and DB primary responsibility and they seem more interested in seeing B7 as their golden boy (he’s super intelligent) than putting forth any effort to address his concerning behavior. I just wish I never took this job because I don’t want to get caught up in this families dysfunction. Yes, I am going to report! I am just worried about backlash and have concerns about my well-being too (I know, unpopular view in this community for a nanny to be concerned for herself since we are suppose to sacrifice ourselves for these families). Has anyone reported to CPS? With a current or past employer? How did it go? I really would prefer this be solved without going through CPS as I do find the system super flawed but given that they’re a wealthy white family I’d hope they’d just force them to get B7 the services he needs, make sure both girls are ok vs. doing anything drastic like removing children from the home. Just feeling conflicted. |
Anonymous
| Nothing will happen to the parents as a wealthy white family. I feel terrible for you and the girls. I’m so sorry. |
Anonymous
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Report them and run away fast from there as soon as you can. Of course, I'm mean good for you if you decided to leave on New year. This child is a an evil; and can accuse you for anything. Lying and of course these stupid Parents are going to believe him.
The worst thing a Nanny can do is to work with Parents who Practice permissive discipline. They never ever will learn, that for their bad actions there is something called "consequences". Letting these kids, yell at the Nanny, kick her, spid up to her, being meant, rude and never listen to her. That's the worst. This type of Parents never teach their children, how to respect others. And even knowing they have a evil child; they will be always on his side and for them it's ok; their child can behave like this with you and DO not nothing. They never believe you, over their child. Great for you if you are quitting this horrible job. Run run run away from there; you are the one who is in danger, since you easily can be accused by thos evil child to accuse you to do something that it's not true. YES, you have to report this. |
Anonymous
| You can report anonymously. They cannot legally withhold your pay. Please, get out of there immediately and do not ever come back. I fear for your safety. |
Anonymous
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Report--as there may be something going on with this kid (perhaps he is being abused?)
Does he have ADHD or other issues? |
Anonymous
I’d imagine given his behavior it’s a possibility. I sincerely doubt it’s mom or dad but something about Grandpa (lives a few blocks down) makes me uncomfortable. He’s made comments to be that aren’t ok. Of course, this is all a massive assumption. No, he has no diagnoses. He doesn’t really have any obvious signs or ASD/ADHD. He does great in school, zero known behavioral issues there. It’s all at home. I think he knows at school there are rules and boundaries and has the capacity to obey them. Which is almost scarier to me to know he’s bright enough to know when and when he cannot act absolutely horrific. If he did have signs of some cognitive disorder or learning disability im sure his parents would ignore that as well. |
Anonymous
I know I can report anonymously. I also know my NF isn’t dumb and if I speak on specifics they’ll know it’s me who reported. They can’t legally withhold pay, but they can accuse me of whatever they want in retaliation. It does happen. |
Anonymous
Write a letter to yourself listing all your concerns as well as the behavior of this child--basically copy your original post. Put it in envelope addressed to yourself and send it return receipt. This way you have proof that your concerns were raised with parents and they did nothing. It also protects yyou from retaliation. Truthfully, you are a mandated reporter and therefore legally required to ensure a report is made when abuse is observed or suspected. |
Anonymous
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I get the fact that you’re worried about the children. You love them and want the best for them. However, this situation has been going on or quiet sometime; therefore you ain’t going to change the parents ways of discipline. If you’re not comfortable and feel uneasy working for them just give them 2 weeks notice and move on, IMO. Why to traumatize yourself with a drama that isn’t yours, you didn’t sign up for that.
As far as their ‘White wealthy’ status, that’s awful to say; I’ve known Black wealthy fam that was abusing their adopted child and none of their Nannie’s ever reported b/c it was none of nannies businesses. Don’t make this ‘race’ as excuse. Not in today’s time. Best wishes finding a better job/family. I hope that you understand that if you are NOT comfortable with your job, you move on and don’t get stock with unnecessary drama /stress as it doesn’t do you any good. |
Anonymous
| Just quit your job, do you have a contract with the fam?I hope you do &submit your resignation letter. Such a terrible situation, you don’t need that. Let them handle their kids. |
Anonymous
I have already put in my notice and my last day is later this month. In regards to the “white wealthy” comment. I can see this upset you, but my statement was based on fact. I’ve worked in family and childcare systems (CPS adjacent) and one of the first things you learn is that CPS is harsher on non-white and poor families. Never did I say that PoC could not abuse their children. |
Anonymous
| This is not a cps issue. The parents are not abusing their kids. The kid is out of control but that's not a cps issue. |
Anonymous
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Girl do yourself a favor and just quit and move on with your life. The fact that you’re implying that CPS is ‘harsh’ on non white folks is the most races statement I’ve ever heard(I’m NOT white., btw but work as social worker.)
Best wishes to you finding a better job, no person should put up with that type of behavior. |
Anonymous
There are literally scores of studies that show that the law treats black families/people worse than white people. I don’t think you know what the word racist means. |
Anonymous
I doubt pretty much every statement you just made as true. If you are a CPS worker, you would have learned VERY early on in your education that my previous statements about CPS/Family services systematically being more punitive towards non-White families (specifically Black & indigenous/First Nations) and families living in poverty as true. There are countless studies through all 50 states plus Canada territories that back this claim up. I am white. This statement is not racist. A white wealthy family is way less likely to get their children removed from their care or even have a case opened up for the same allegations as even a poor white family. Like, this isn’t a controversial statement my friend. I only mentioned it because I have concerns about the ethics of CPS. I am still contacting them and I am leaving. The behavior warrants enough concern for my younger charged safety and even the 7-year-old who shows a handful of signs of being sexually abused. |