Nanny quit
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Anonymous
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She cared for our kids who are age 7 and 9 before and after school. We emigrated here from South Africa and the kids had to of course change schools and friendship groups. All was fine up until the past few months. She kept reporting back bad behaviors. Not listening to her, not talking or answering her when she spoke to them. Moody when coming out of school. Some backchatting etc.
My DH was the one who had the most contact with nanny. He spoke to the kids but things remained difficult. I personally felt the nanny was being a bit harsh especially as the kids have been through such a challenging time. I asked to meet with her and told her that the kids had said that they had not been misbehaving and that I wanted to believe them and be the type of mom that believes her kids. I reminded her that the kids had moved schools a second time and she said thats when the problems all started but I do not agree. I asked her to further explain the behaviors and she mentioned all the above and also said my eldest shuts doors on her. I told her that the kids side needed to be heard as well as hers which is something she needs to take into consideration. Back at home I punished the kids and then texted nanny to apologise because what she had told me was something I needed to address with the kids. She said she was quitting as she felt unappreciated and untrusted. DH is upset at how it has all ended and kids are upset also. She's been with us nearly a year. I think we will cope without a new nanny but has anyone else been in this situation? I just wanted to make sure my kids had a voice but it all backfired. |
Anonymous
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I'm an MB. I don't blame your nanny for quitting. She brought up problems several times it seems and you told her that 1. You believed your kids over her and 2. You excused their bad behavior.
You can give your kids a voice without dismissing the thoughts and concerns of the people caring for them. |
Anonymous
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We tried to help because we did speak to the kids and also tried to plan fun hot chocolate dates between the nanny and kids but nothing worked. So we didn't just ignore it.
OP. |
Anonymous
| I’m sorry to hear but this is a lucky escape. Your kids have been through a lot and they deserve a nanny who has the patience to take care of them properly. Also good timing as you can skip the holiday bonus! |
Anonymous
Wow!!! Yep skip the holiday bonus you sound like the cheap type to give a $25 gift card. Watch your own kids! And I bet you encourage bad behavior and are a entitled karen |
Anonymous
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OP here.
We feel our ex nanny did not take into consideration what the children had been through. A change of two schools when in a new country, leaving family and friends behind and she just didn’t seem to understand. Like when she said our eldest wasn’t answering her questions she did not take into account that the eldest had a sore throat. Or when the children were miserable and not speaking when she collected them from school, she did not try and find out why they were feeling like that. I had to see things from both sides. I know that the behavior from the children was not ideal which is why I apologised, but she should have been more understanding. |
Anonymous
Yeah I can see why she quit. You are that type of parent who says they punish their kids but really just makes excuses for all their behaviors. Goos luck when they are older because I bet they will be nightmares since mommy always defends their behavior. Should take a look at why your husband doesn't agree with you either. |
Anonymous
| Tbis can't be real. I can't stand parents like OP (I'm an MB). |
Anonymous
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Where did I say my husband does not agree with me ?
He is very sad about it as felt that if it had to end, it could be done in a civil and nice way but it didn't end like that. I barely saw her. It was him who did and so it will be harder on him I guess but the arrangement clearly wasn't working and the kids were no longer happy. I haven't made excuses for them, I'm just a mom who sees what her kids have been through and that they deserve understanding and patience. |
Anonymous
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How a Nanny can stay in an environment like that. Where kids are misbehaved; acting with rudness towards her; shutting the door on her face, no answering when she talks to them (ignoring her), no listening to her? When probably I can picture the Nnany trying to day at least "Hi to them, how was your day, is she your friend, the one who is waving to you? Do you have everything in your backpack, lunch bag, what would you like to have for snack getting to the house? etc, we are having pasta and chicken when we get home, etc etc etc. You have to teach your kids how to be nice and respectful to others. No matter what. This doesn't have to do anything for a change of school or change or countries.
This is the typical chats, that as a Nanny myself I ask to my dear kiddos. when she used to pick them from school. I can't imagine my kiddos being so disrespectful, rude or mean to me, like your kids have been doing with your Nanny. Also it's really bad you are trying so hard to be in your kids side; saying "the eldest didn't answer her questions, bcs he has a sore throat". So your eldest son have been with this sore throat nearly a year? Sorry mom, but I am glad your Nanny quit. If I were her, I will quit ASAP, after trying my best to work this bad behaviors with your kids, trying to find a solution, support of both parents and receiving nothing nothing of support of your part. Saying that You trusted to them and not to me. And making a justification for them everytime. And of course, this is what a real Nanny do, reporting good ar bad behaviors from the children to the Parents. What where you expecting? You are the kind of mom that wants to hear all the Time your kids are angels where they are the opposite. What's sad thinking of you. Anyways, good luck finding someone; if you can have someone who can stay at least a couple of months. I feel sorry for your ex-Nanny. How stressful and negative have been working in an environment like that. But I don't blame her; I'm guessing she was in need to pay her bills. Wishing the best for your ex-Nanny, so she can finally find a Great Family who really appreciate and value her work so much. |
Anonymous
Omg you are literally impossible to deal with. I see why your kids are brats. |
Anonymous
| If you are for real, you need some serious parenting classes. Your nanny expresses concerns and instead of handling it with the kids you negotiate with them and when things don't change you rationalize the behavior instead of serious consequences. No wonder your kids act that way. Good for her. |
Anonymous
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Why come down heavy on them when it's just children reacting to change?
They say they were just quiet with her and not rude, nanny sees it differently. When she explained their behaviors, I apologised. But I do feel she could have worked better with us when it came to resolving this. By understanding where the behaviors were coming from and not taking it so personally. I can see it was tough for her but it's also been tough for them so I wanted to see it from both the children's side and hers. |
Anonymous
Of course your kids lied and say they behave. If the behaviors were concerning enough for you to apologize, don't you think you should address it with your kids and have them apologize and check in with her daily on their behavior and if they don't behave give consequences. How can she work better with you? She addressed concerns with you, you dismissed them, the kids continued to behave poorly so she quit. Stop minimizing and blaming it on change. Your kids behaved poorly and you should be embarrassed and handle it. |
Anonymous
Lets be real. Op isn't that type of parent. She's full of excuses and trying to over explain why her kids need compassion and understanding for their behavior. Good luck to their teachers and anyone they have to deal with. Kids are brats because parents bend over backwards to excuse their behavior. |