Is it time to let the nanny go? Overstepping. Need advice.

[Anonymous]

I could used some advice please! My son had a stroke and shorty afterwards received custody of his (at that time, 1year old) son. I now have custody of my son and his child. As a single grandparent in her sixties, I had to hire some help since my son is partially disabled anjavascript:bbstyle(-1)d can manage on his own walking with a cane after his stroke, but cannot drive or cook meals.

Raising a toddler and helping him is a lot on me. I decided to hire a live in nanny caretaker and began to look on various websites.
My son lives in his own home but, close to me so the nanny to be hired had free run of his home and the raising of his child without supervision but, with my help to giver her time off. I took the baby and my son on the weekends in my home. Since the nanny/caregiver position was full charge, it was difficult too find someone competent and I initially, being inexperience, ran through several nannies that did not work out.

Finally I wised up and found agencies to help and a temporary hire became permanent after she fell in love with my grandson. I thought this was a wonderful fit! She has been with us nearly 2 years now and my grandson just turned 3 and just started attending pre K ,3 mornings a week. He was just accepted into our local university program for Fall and we are excited that he will begin a fully accredited pre k program staring the Fall

Unfortunately this also is when the problems started with our current nanny. She has started to buy him toys every day. She refuses to potty train him , saying he is not ready ( note-he is now 3 1//2 and has to be potty trained before he can attend the local university pre K program that starts in August of this year). She is giving his snacks and candy that
are definitely not on our preference of foods to give him . Other issues I have is that she lets him eat in front of the tv, not with the family which is how we eat together. I had been teaching him sign language and asked her to continue to do this and she refused. He recently told me that he often sleeps with her in her bed. Initially when the court gave full custody to his dad due to issues his mother had that were not healthy for the child, he had issues sleeping and adjusting. However, the last year, he has been fine so I don't see any reason for him to sleep with the nanny at this time since he has an amazing room set up just next to hers.

This is a very confusing situation for me since I am the grandmother but, am still responsible for my son and grandson. I dont want to take over my sons life and my grandson loves his dad very much but, the nanny now has taken full control over dad and me! Lately, my grandson wont stay with any more without crying out for her and then he starts hitting and throwing things. He is never disciplined by her in any way ( I do time out) and her mode of teaching him right from wrong is to distract him with something else and never teaching him the "no" word. I have raised 2 boys and 2 foster boys. My kids are all successful and good beings. I read about grandparents over steeping boundaries but, I am all my son and grandson have because my son often has memory problems, is on heavy medication some days and is not always capable of making decisions. He cannot live alone so I thought hiring a live in was the answer to help him feel a little more independent, Hi son is the light of his life and keeps him going!!

I many ways, I am grateful to the nanny for always being in control but, now I am seeing things differently and my grandson is getting older, now 3 1/2. He is beginning to act out, says mean things and if the nanny leaves him with me, he begs and screams for her and no longer want to be with his dad or me, ...only the nanny. In checking back with the references from the agency, she has nannied a long time,, never married and no children. She is an older nanny, early 50's, and since she was predominately a temporary hire through agencies before, she never worked a job for more than a year. She has now been with us nearly 2 years.

is she too attached? Over protective? Manipulative ? I am thinking it is time to make a nanny change. Any advice?

[Anonymous]

Yes, you need to make a change. Line up a replacement, give the current nanny a generous (but immediate!!!) severance package, and move on.

Be sure to have a contract w/ the next nanny that spells out the boundaries and parameters you want adhered to. That can include sleep patterns, developmental goals, dietary guidelines, disciplinary approach, etc... The more specific the better.

Get an agency to help perhaps. Get a local mom who has hired nannies and caregivers to help.

Think about the capabilities of your son - what can he do? Physically handicapped doesn't mean he can't supervise/manage/direct a nanny and make the critical decisions for his child. If he is intellectually disabled then perhaps you need a different solution where you have more oversight.

[Anonymous]

This is not due to the nanny being full charge, 24/5, live-in or staying 2 years. Frankly, this reads as a troll post, but if it's not, I agree with the PP that someone else (you) needs to be the primary employer, not your son.

[Anonymous]

So this person is in charge of your grandson 5 days/nights a week? You are lucky you found someone wanting to take on this job. I’d talk to her again about the potty training but let the rest go.

[Anonymous]

This is all sorts of messed up and I’m hoping it’s not real.

If I were you, I’d have my son and his child live with me, so you don’t have a weird nanny having to live there. Then hire a live-out nanny.

If your son doesn’t want to live with you, consider an in-law suite type setup. Where you are in the same house, but have separation.

That nanny has got to go.

[Anonymous]

Watch "The Hand That Rocks The Cradle". Then fire the nanny.