Disengaged AP at end of term

[Anonymous]

My 6 year old son feels our AP who has been here 9/10 months doesn't "like" him anymore.

Honestly, she has been disengaged since she decided not to extend, around a corner on her phone quite a bit, playing with the kids toys and staring into the distance while they grapple for her attention and affection. And my 6yo boy has gotten more challenging. But he's super thoughtful and funny and nice when you pay him some attention.

But while she's doing the things she has to do - showing upstairs on time, making food, she doesn't seem "into us" anymore. She used to fawn over the girl and doesn't quite anymore, and even my husband who doesn't notice much commented that she seemed disconnected from the kids recently. She kind of ignores me in a way she never used to. She used to stay on top of the kids laundry, now I have to ask, we used to chitchat on Whatapp and now she barely sents one word grunt-like responses if any. She doesn't really hang out at all, not that she ever did a lot, but if she takes dinner with us she disappears quickly to her room right after. That didn't bother me when she seemed otherwise present. Now I just feel kind of rebuffed and a little worried that she's kind of just making sure the kids stay alive and that's all.

Is this a common experience - something akin to senioritis maybe? Any suggestions or should I just put up with the lackluster childcare for the last couple of months? I have someone starting when she's done that actually WANTS to take care of the kids and is super engaged with them so in theory I could end the tenure early but I've already got the money in with the agency of course but still it's a sunk cost.

Doesn't really seem worth bringing up since there is nothing concrete and she still does quite a bit, just not as cheerfully and fully as she used to. I quite often have to do a sinkfull of dishes now at the end of her shift, where that never used to be the case.

Thanks for any thoughts.

[Anonymous]

I've had one ap requesting rematch 6 months into her year with us b/c she was unhappy and felt our family life was not a good fit for her. I always knew when something was up b/c she would get moody and curt, and after a talk or extra perks she'd be back to her cheery self. Ultimately it did not work out so the rematch. But throughout, she had remained affectionate towards the kids and they never noticed anything wrong or that she didn't like them anymore.

Have you talked with her? I've found that that's the most difficult yet essential part of hosting: you have to check the barometer with your AP from time to time.

If she's not forthcoming, talk with the LCC and see if there's any feedback there.

[Anonymous]

Childcare was probably not her primary motivation for joining the program. Doing fun things, traveling, etc was. so she’s probably ready to leave sooner rather than later. Maybe you don’t live in a particularly fun city so she’s gotten bored and is now antsy to go somewhere different.

[Anonymous]

I think you might be right re the "senioritis" type feeling. Maybe have a chat with her about how she is feeling, what she is doing next, any items on her "wishlist" of things to do before she leaves your family. I would acknowledge that she is probably moving on in her head, but tell her how important it is to the kids to have her attention during the next couple months. Made it about the kids, not the laundry.

Also, I chuckled a little at the "WANTS to take care of kids" comment - sounds like she was a good interview! All APs say this (as did the Nanny I hired when DS was a baby) but everyone gets burned out/tired of kids sometimes - I know I do - so be sure to have a realistic set of expections for the next one

[Anonymous]

I’ve heard this is common. She’s probably focusing on next steps and doesn’t want to invest more in something coming to an end. If it’s just a matter of her slacking, I’d probably let it go. If she’s truly disengaging from the kids in a way that’s harmful to them, I’d have a sit down and remind her that she only has a couple months left, this is what she agreed to, etc etc.

[Anonymous]

I’ve had a few APs get the slump at the end but that usually meant leaving dishes in the sink, falling behind on laundry, and making way too many chicken nuggets. It never really affected their relationship with the kids or us. So if I were in your situation I would try to have a serious talk with AP about what is going on and try to address whatever it is.

[Anonymous]

One of our aupair’s who we absolutely loved kind of started to do this and I very clearly explained the concept of senioritis. She understood what that meant, But she still slacked off on the lesser duties like picking up after meals. But, it certainly changed the final month or two before she could go back home. I just asked her to not slack off at all towards the care for the children because that is ultimately what matters the most

[Anonymous]

Very common. Time to have a reset conversation and communicate expectations until the end of her AP year with you, including being connected to your child.