Rematch - when to tell au pair

[Anonymous]

Hello,

After 9 months of incompatibility and numerous safety issues, we've decided we would like to end our match with our current au pair. She is scheduled to go on vacation (back to her home country) in February for 2.5 weeks and we would prefer she just not come back to our home. Since we'll pay her during the 2.5 weeks of vacation and she can use that time to find a new family (much like the 2 weeks she would have in our home if we were rematching and she wasn't going on vacation), we probably don't technically need to tell her until right before she leaves. Our LCC wants us to tell her 7-10 days prior to her leaving on vacation so she has time to prepare to leave. I get it, I really do, but I really don't feel like I need to make our living situation any more awkward than it already is and quite frankly, how long really does it take to pack up her stuff? I was thinking of telling her Sunday or Monday, before she leaves on Thursday night. Any guidance here?

[Anonymous]

Wow you’re a terrible person. Karma, op. Be careful

[Anonymous]

Actually, I think you're supposed to house her while she has two weeks to look for a new family. Vacation is vacation, not time that she's supposed to use to find someone else. If the "numerous safety issues" weren't enough that you need her out now, you can't get out of the two week rematch period.

[Anonymous]

I would follow the advice of the LCC. Good luck, I know rematches are stressful but you need to do what’s best for your family!

[Anonymous]

Does she want to stay home or does she want to find a new family to finish her term and possibly extend? She may well not even be planning to come back but you have to talk to her and find out what her plans are.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Honestly I don’t think she really wants to come back either. She has told me taking care of more than one kid is too much for her so when my son is off of school, I’ve been taking care of him so she only has the baby. When she has both kids is when the issues happen, but this isn’t sustainable for me.

I actually thought I was doing her a favor by having her two weeks be while she was on vacation (as opposed to telling her now and have vacation planned right when the new family expects her to arrive) but perhaps that isn’t the case. We are not in a position to pay double for child care for multiple weeks and I’m afraid of her checking out even more so if I tell her now. I’m not trying to be a jerk here but am new to this and am just trying to navigate it the best I can.

[Anonymous]

You need to sit down and have an honest conversation. You’re an adult, act like one.

[Anonymous]

Highly doubtful she comes back, i would day: "Larla, I think we can both agree that the two kids is too much and there have been some issues. I think its best that we do a transition. I am happy to support you if you want to return and rematch, but also am happy to support your decision if you want to just stay in your country and not return after your trip. I am telling you now so you have time to prepare, but expect you to continue to work until you leave on your trip and want to keep cooperating so we have a happy ending and I can give you a good recommendation."

[Anonymous]

We had an au pair who quit the program after only a few weeks (homesick). We had her work up until she left. It’s awkward but unless your au pair is truly terrible, she should be able to care for the children and be civil to you for 10 days.

[Anonymous]

OP, I agree that you shouldn't give her too much notice. What you're proposing is fair. There's no reason she can't look for a new match while you're paying for her to take a vacation for 2 weeks. She could be looking already, for all you know.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s u fair to put the stress of trying to find another family while she’s on vacation.

[Anonymous]

Tell her 7 days before her vacation. That's a fair compromise.

Our first ap knew she wanted to go into rematch, but went on her 2 week vacation and told us after her return. We could really have used those 2 weeks to look for her replacement. It was a dick move on her part. Don't treat others the way you wouldn't want to be treated yourself.

[Anonymous]

Tell her 2 week later before her vacation. She will be in rematch for that period and you can pay her OR just house her and maybe have whatever you worked out for her vacation start up a few weeks early.
When we did this (there was a precipitating event that led to the timing, the agency actually have out AP 2 extra weeks to find a family if she needed it, since they weren't going to have to pay to send her home.

[Anonymous]

Telling her a week before her vacation is fair. Yes, she'll be on vacation and having to look for another family but her phone will be in front of her face for 90% of the time so she'll manage. I gave our former AP two weeks notice and she immediately took vacation which put us in a tough spot. GL!