New nanny is pregnant, wwyd

[Anonymous]

Our new nanny committed to a year with our family but didn’t tell us she was pregnant. But we figured out that she is due to her phone calls discussing it in our presence, and it sounds like she’s high risk with a history of preterm birth. As far as we can tell she got pregnant just after we hired her. I think she is in the second tri early, but she hasn’t told us yet. I’m not sure how to handle this, and am a little upset since she committed to a year and clearly that is not going to happen, and she’s not coming out and telling us (but has made up lots of doctors appointments for family members). She won’t qualify for leave and I don’t think she will want to return after the baby comes. We finally have gotten into a routine with her and it’s frustrating that will be upended in just a few more months....

[Anonymous]

"We've overheard you talking on calls in our presence and it sounds like you're pregnant and high risk." Then just stare at her. It'll be her turn to talk.

Might as well put up an ad now for a new nanny. She probably didn't want to tell you until after the new year in the hopes she gets a Christmas bonus.

[Anonymous]

I would wait for her to tell us, congratulate her, and ask for a sit down meeting where she lets us know her vision for leave and a possible return to work and we do the same.

She's a person, that clearly loves children, of child bearing age...of course this was a possibility. Sounds like she may have a history of losses. Treat her kindly.

[Anonymous]

And show a little more empathy. A lot of women struggle to get pregnant and/or carry to term. It took us years to get pregnant and there was no real planning even with IVF, so many failed transfers. And she might not want to share yet because of previous loss or as you mentioned pre-term labor. You are an employer and employees get pregnant. You only need 4 weeks to find a replacement so let her tell you on her timeline. Can you imagine your boss confronting you at work about possibly being pregnant?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And show a little more empathy. A lot of women struggle to get pregnant and/or carry to term. It took us years to get pregnant and there was no real planning even with IVF, so many failed transfers. And she might not want to share yet because of previous loss or as you mentioned pre-term labor. You are an employer and employees get pregnant. You only need 4 weeks to find a replacement so let her tell you on her timeline. Can you imagine your boss confronting you at work about possibly being pregnant?

She has a number of children already, so your assumption is wrong and you’re projecting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And show a little more empathy. A lot of women struggle to get pregnant and/or carry to term. It took us years to get pregnant and there was no real planning even with IVF, so many failed transfers. And she might not want to share yet because of previous loss or as you mentioned pre-term labor. You are an employer and employees get pregnant. You only need 4 weeks to find a replacement so let her tell you on her timeline. Can you imagine your boss confronting you at work about possibly being pregnant?

She has a number of children already, so your assumption is wrong and you’re projecting.

You are a really gross person.

[Anonymous]

Stop making it about you.

Have that talk with her to find how if she wants to keep working for you after the baby is here or not.

It looks like she's scared to tell you because she's afraid to be let go and can't afford it ...

Have some heart ... Us nannies aren't one of a kind, you can find someone else easily.

[Anonymous]

I would not make it about the pregnancy.

I would sit down and let her know that all the family medical appointments are getting really difficult with your work schedule. I would let her know her family members need to make other arrangements if it is during her work hours.

Depending on how she responds, I'd let her know you hear a conversation about her requiring time off and you'd appreciate her letting you know as you'll need to get other child care in place.

If you mention pregnancy, it could be considered discrimination.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our new nanny committed to a year with our family but didn’t tell us she was pregnant. But we figured out that she is due to her phone calls discussing it in our presence, and it sounds like she’s high risk with a history of preterm birth. As far as we can tell she got pregnant just after we hired her. I think she is in the second tri early, but she hasn’t told us yet. I’m not sure how to handle this, and am a little upset since she committed to a year and clearly that is not going to happen, and she’s not coming out and telling us (but has made up lots of doctors appointments for family members). She won’t qualify for leave and I don’t think she will want to return after, the baby comes. We finally have gotten into a routine with her and it’s frustrating that will be upended in just a few more months....

Um, since when is it advisable for a woman to tell her employer so early about her pregnancy???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our new nanny committed to a year with our family but didn’t tell us she was pregnant. But we figured out that she is due to her phone calls discussing it in our presence, and it sounds like she’s high risk with a history of preterm birth. As far as we can tell she got pregnant just after we hired her. I think she is in the second tri early, but she hasn’t told us yet. I’m not sure how to handle this, and am a little upset since she committed to a year and clearly that is not going to happen, and she’s not coming out and telling us (but has made up lots of doctors appointments for family members). She won’t qualify for leave and I don’t think she will want to return after, the baby comes. We finally have gotten into a routine with her and it’s frustrating that will be upended in just a few more months....

Um, since when is it advisable for a woman to tell her employer so early about her pregnancy???

If she speaks on the phone in front of them she's already told them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"We've overheard you talking on calls in our presence and it sounds like you're pregnant and high risk." Then just stare at her. It'll be her turn to talk.

Might as well put up an ad now for a new nanny. She probably didn't want to tell you until after the new year in the hopes she gets a Christmas bonus.

You are eavesdropping and I would tell you that it is none of your effing business. If your boss can't ask you, then you also cannot ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"We've overheard you talking on calls in our presence and it sounds like you're pregnant and high risk." Then just stare at her. It'll be her turn to talk.

Might as well put up an ad now for a new nanny. She probably didn't want to tell you until after the new year in the hopes she gets a Christmas bonus.

You are eavesdropping and I would tell you that it is none of your effing business. If your boss can't ask you, then you also cannot ask.

If it is none of their business, they should fire the nanny as she isn't reliable if she's taking off for multiple "family" medical appointments and not working as schedule. They need to plan for her maternity leave as it impacts their family. And, they need to know her child care plan - is she going to bring the baby (and do they agree with that) or is someone else going to care for the baby. Its not unreasonable to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And show a little more empathy. A lot of women struggle to get pregnant and/or carry to term. It took us years to get pregnant and there was no real planning even with IVF, so many failed transfers. And she might not want to share yet because of previous loss or as you mentioned pre-term labor. You are an employer and employees get pregnant. You only need 4 weeks to find a replacement so let her tell you on her timeline. Can you imagine your boss confronting you at work about possibly being pregnant?

She has a number of children already, so your assumption is wrong and you’re projecting.

So maybe this is an oops pregnancy, and they thought they were done. It’s still not your business.

[Anonymous]

I’d give one opportunity to be upfront and honest by mentioning the frequent absences. If she doesn’t tell you I would start looking for another nanny sooner rather than later to minimize the disruption to your child. You can then give her whatever severance she is entitled to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"We've overheard you talking on calls in our presence and it sounds like you're pregnant and high risk." Then just stare at her. It'll be her turn to talk.

Might as well put up an ad now for a new nanny. She probably didn't want to tell you until after the new year in the hopes she gets a Christmas bonus.

You are eavesdropping and I would tell you that it is none of your effing business. If your boss can't ask you, then you also cannot ask.

If it is none of their business, they should fire the nanny as she isn't reliable if she's taking off for multiple "family" medical appointments and not working as schedule. They need to plan for her maternity leave as it impacts their family. And, they need to know her child care plan - is she going to bring the baby (and do they agree with that) or is someone else going to care for the baby. Its not unreasonable to know.

How would you have reacted if your employer had fired you for being pregnant, demanded to know your childcare plans in your first trimester, and eavesdropped on your phone calls?