Au Pair who vapes?

[Anonymous]

We are an experienced host family and matched with a lovely girl who is set to arrive in a few months. During all of the interviews I’ve ever done, I have never asked about smoking because it is something the au pair agencies screen for (no smokers allowed to be au pairs). However, in her social media posts that we now have access to, there are a number of pictures of her smoking and/or holding a vaper. I asked her about the smoking and she said she was “holding a cigarette for a friend” on multiple occasions (I don’t believe that). Many of the other pics show her with a vaper. Smoking is definitely a deal breaker, and I would really really really not prefer to have someone in our house who vapes (even if it isn’t around the kids). I’m not sure I will get a truthful answer if I ask her and would hate to discover it officially once she is here. Even if she promises not to do it around the kids, I don’t like the idea of it being in the house where very young children could find it and play with it or eat it. However, I’m not sure if a couple (like 10 that clearly demonstrate a pattern) pics should be grounds for cancelling the match in advance of the arrival. Would vaping be a deal breaker for you?

[Anonymous]

Don't bother asking. Just tell the agency about all the pics you found on her social media, and tell them you need someone else.

And when you're screening in the future, look at their social media posts, and tell them in interviews there's no smoking OR vaping even if it's not in front of the kids and if you find them doing either, you will send them home for breach of contract.

[Anonymous]

Not only is she lying about vaping she lacks maturity to understand that her social media photos can ruin her job opportunities. Keep interviewing.

[Anonymous]

I could never have even a social smoker in my house. Do not proceed with this match.

[Anonymous]

Agree - the lying is MUCH WORSE that the vaping!

[Anonymous]

I could get over the vaping but she’s clearly lying. Probably a sign of immaturity. As someone with a very immature au pair, I’d steer clear. Sorry, that must be so frustrating!

[Anonymous]

Aupairs are allowed to smoke. It's a question which they can mark yes/no to. I'm not sure why you would think an aupair who is in their early 20s wouldn't have access and possibly the desire to vape or smoke.

If they don't smoke while in your home or near your children, why would it matter?

[Anonymous]

We hosted an austrian aupair who vaped socially. We never smelled, saw or even asked about it once she arrived. Sweet and kind aupair. Ask more questions. The lying is the worst though. Lying would be the deal breaker over the vaping.

[Anonymous]

Former AP here. I would absolutely rematch because she was obviously lying to you about why she was holding a cigarette in her hand... no one does that.

I wouldn't mind if someone vapes as long as it's not in my house, but if it's a problem for you, then it's still time to change your mind and pick a non smoking girl.

Good luck

[Anonymous]

If she’s lying now imagine the future lies. Walk on by

[Anonymous]

Big red flag for lying with such a stupid excuse too, like you believe that?!?! Ridiculous. I would stop this right in it's tracks before she gets here and worse things happen. Sorry this happened to you. Absolutely a deal breaker, in or out of the house, and lying is the worst.

[Anonymous]

"Holding it for someone else" is such an obvious, pants-on-fire lie that you should not proceed any further with this one for that reason alone. If you do, she's already decided you're a sucker who will believe her BS. And there will be A LOT of BS and lies in the future with this one.

[Anonymous]

Our profile says we will not host smokers, our introductory email says we won't host smokers, we mention it on the first phone call...and our last AP still smoked. So, if you have evidence of smoking before she even arrives...decide if having a smoker is a dealbreaker. It was for me.