Au Pair reaching out after leaving on not so stellar terms

[Anonymous]

We had an au pair who we really liked, and we all really got along. In the end, however, she made really bad choices chose to leave (after initiating an extension with us). We were cordial until she left---and then were just relieved when she left.

It's been 2 months and she has reached out. We are pretty curt in our responses simply because we've lost respect for her. My question is would you just keep up these "light, curt exchanges" or just not respond? It feels weird to behave this way after someone was in our home for so long, but we do feel very angry towards here and as I said, lost respect for her.

[Anonymous]

I would be inclined to "block" her without explanation - you don't need the negative energy interacting with her seems to evoke for you. Alternatively, you could have occasional surface level exchanges "Merry Christmas to you, too!" without too much labor and maybe eventually you'd come to feel a little better about that approach.

Either way, forgive the silly girl, she was wrong and made mistakes but all is under the bridge now.

[Anonymous]

IF whatever she did negatively impacted your kids, then I would not engage. Kids need to know that you've got their backs.

[Anonymous]

Is she asking for something or just ... wants a friend in you? If she wants something, I'd answer her directly. If she's just trying to maintain a relationship and my kids were fine with her having left, I'd ignore.

[Anonymous]

Just keep it nice and short. She will eventually back off and forget.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be inclined to "block" her without explanation - you don't need the negative energy interacting with her seems to evoke for you. Alternatively, you could have occasional surface level exchanges "Merry Christmas to you, too!" without too much labor and maybe eventually you'd come to feel a little better about that approach.

Either way, forgive the silly girl, she was wrong and made mistakes but all is under the bridge now.

So gross.

[Anonymous]

Are you able inclined to want to hash things out? If so, no point in engaging beyond what you are doing. These girls are never going to reflect and own up to mistakes snd their impact. So if that’s at all what you want, be honest with yourself and accept that it won’t happen

[Anonymous]

Hi OP. There is no right or wrong answer here. We are in a similar situation, though our AP was never that great to begin with. She has been reaching out a lot and I decided to keep up the contact because it seems important to her. I have to remind myself that I am an adult and that she is an immature 20yo. That being said, hearing from or interacting with this former AP does not have a negative emotional effect on me.

[Anonymous]

Our first ap was good with the kids. Her rematch request came out of nowhere and blindsided us. We were angry with how she handled that part, but had to remind ourselves that she was a young adult who was making decisions based on emotions. I gave her a good reference and parted ways on neutral terms. Now she's been reaching out to us b/c she really does seem to miss the kids. For me it's water under the bridge and I try to keep the communication channel open since the kids ask about her every once in a while. I couldn't stay angry with her b/c she loves the kids and had a connection with them.

[Anonymous]

I will take a not so popular stand: If an au pair is adult enough to make a choice to come here then we can't handle them with kid gloves. IF this was any other job, au pairs would not get the "understanding" that so many (including myself) have given them.

[Anonymous]

We had some really unpleasant exchanges with our otherwise excellent au pair towards the mid-end of her two year stint. She showed us extreme rudeness and entitledness, and mostly we chalked it up to immaturity. While I was upset at the time (and couldn’t even look at her for a few weeks) I’ve enjoyed having a cordial relationship with her after the fact. She’s great with the kids and talks to them as much as they want. She’s visited. We may visit her. Just had to chalk it up to immaturity and tensions running high.

[Anonymous]

My almost-6yo seems to be kind of, I don't know, hurt about how his last nanny just disappeared and ghosted us/him. We didn't have any big falling out but she did some kind of sketchy stuff in the separation process that made me personally kind of meh about keeping in touch, and now I think I should've done better to at least keep the lines of communication open so that he could reach out and not have it be like a big blank spot after so much time together.