Au Pair wants to find a family that will "sponsor" her

[Anonymous]

Our au pair has been with us about 1.5 years. She has another 6 months left. She is OK, not great. Today she came to us telling us she is thinking of re-matching to find a family that will "sponsor" her for a student visa. We told her we could not "sponsor" as technically it is illegal to pay someone on a student visa, plus we need full-time help. She says several of her friends have found new host families that are willing do this. This upsets me a lot since, if she follows through with it, it will leave us without an au pair and with the task of finding a new one during a tough time to find au pairs. I know it will greatly upset our kids since they love her. I feel a bit betrayed that she would consider leaving us to find a family willing to sponsor her. How would you react? I understand she is thinking about her future (her home country is a wreck right now) but also feel like she is putting her self-interest ahead of her commitment to our family.

[Anonymous]

I don't know what to tell you except I understand. Our au pair looked us in the eyes telling us how great and optimistic she is and 3 days later announced that she is leaving. There is no recourse because agencies/LCCs just say "Oh they are young or they are sweet", but that does not absolve them of responsiblity and committment. They think you can just find another au pair in a snap but have no idea how time intensive it is to screen and find a good match--especially now. Honestly, I am counting down the days I can be done with this program.

[Anonymous]

You could rematch now and start looking for a new AP. You need to think of your future as well. Take control of the situation so you are not left blindsided and forced to live with somebody that you resent.

(only of course if your current situation allows for this)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our au pair has been with us about 1.5 years. She has another 6 months left. She is OK, not great. Today she came to us telling us she is thinking of re-matching to find a family that will "sponsor" her for a student visa. We told her we could not "sponsor" as technically it is illegal to pay someone on a student visa, plus we need full-time help. She says several of her friends have found new host families that are willing do this. This upsets me a lot since, if she follows through with it, it will leave us without an au pair and with the task of finding a new one during a tough time to find au pairs. I know it will greatly upset our kids since they love her. I feel a bit betrayed that she would consider leaving us to find a family willing to sponsor her. How would you react? I understand she is thinking about her future (her home country is a wreck right now) but also feel like she is putting her self-interest ahead of her commitment to our family.

She is probably not telling the truth. Most families will not sponsor - universities require you to show proof of funds for an international student which are astronomical. She will discover this the hard way.

[Anonymous]

Interesting. So she is wants to declare rematch, get into the database, and take her chances she will find a family that will promise (and follow through) with this?

Can you see the question -- Hi, I am Larla, i am rematching because i hope to find a family that will act illegally, and open themselves to tax and immigration fraud issues. And all this without knowing me!

It is a long shot. If she does seek rematch and enter the databse, you should end it, even if she comes crawling back.

[Anonymous]

BTW, several of my old APs also had friends who told her the HF was going to sponsor. Guess what, none of them did. Wonder if the HF or AP was telling the truth.

Once families know the risks and costs, most don't do it. I do know one family that went through the effort, hired a lawyers, etc. AP got the visa. But guess what, she then got pregnant and left them.

Totally true story.

[Anonymous]

I think it is more likely that she is looking for a host family that is willing to house her illegally after her au pair term is up while she pursues studies and/or just works for them. Before we started hosting au pairs, we had a full time nanny and it was very difficult to find a good and reliable person in DC who was willing and able to be paid legally. It was also outrageously expensive. So I think there are a lot of families out there who are willing take the risk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is more likely that she is looking for a host family that is willing to house her illegally after her au pair term is up while she pursues studies and/or just works for them. Before we started hosting au pairs, we had a full time nanny and it was very difficult to find a good and reliable person in DC who was willing and able to be paid legally. It was also outrageously expensive. So I think there are a lot of families out there who are willing take the risk.

Interesting how APs are willing to throw state dept regulations out the window when it benefits them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is more likely that she is looking for a host family that is willing to house her illegally after her au pair term is up while she pursues studies and/or just works for them. Before we started hosting au pairs, we had a full time nanny and it was very difficult to find a good and reliable person in DC who was willing and able to be paid legally. It was also outrageously expensive. So I think there are a lot of families out there who are willing take the risk.

Interesting how APs are willing to throw state dept regulations out the window when it benefits them

Weve known host families who have sponsored their aupairs as students. We also know aupairs who have stayed illegally and with their prior host family. Let her do what she wants to do because it takes alot of chutzpah to stay illegally in a country as a young person or to ask a random family to sponsor your education visa.

I would take the reigns for your own childcare. She will leave when she finds a family. I have a feeling she was telling you this as a lead in for your response to be, "Oh no. Don't leave. We will sponsor you."

You can do research and see if that is something you feel comfortable with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our au pair has been with us about 1.5 years. She has another 6 months left. She is OK, not great. Today she came to us telling us she is thinking of re-matching to find a family that will "sponsor" her for a student visa. We told her we could not "sponsor" as technically it is illegal to pay someone on a student visa, plus we need full-time help. She says several of her friends have found new host families that are willing do this. This upsets me a lot since, if she follows through with it, it will leave us without an au pair and with the task of finding a new one during a tough time to find au pairs. I know it will greatly upset our kids since they love her. I feel a bit betrayed that she would consider leaving us to find a family willing to sponsor her. How would you react? I understand she is thinking about her future (her home country is a wreck right now) but also feel like she is putting her self-interest ahead of her commitment to our family.

I would feel betrayed too and why do APs keep comparing themselves to other APs and families? My current au pair has been continuously putting herself ahead of our family needs so we recently gave her 2 week notice. Sad but it had to be done.

APs are temporary. Family is forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our au pair has been with us about 1.5 years. She has another 6 months left. She is OK, not great. Today she came to us telling us she is thinking of re-matching to find a family that will "sponsor" her for a student visa. We told her we could not "sponsor" as technically it is illegal to pay someone on a student visa, plus we need full-time help. She says several of her friends have found new host families that are willing do this. This upsets me a lot since, if she follows through with it, it will leave us without an au pair and with the task of finding a new one during a tough time to find au pairs. I know it will greatly upset our kids since they love her. I feel a bit betrayed that she would consider leaving us to find a family willing to sponsor her. How would you react? I understand she is thinking about her future (her home country is a wreck right now) but also feel like she is putting her self-interest ahead of her commitment to our family.

I would feel betrayed too and why do APs keep comparing themselves to other APs and families? My current au pair has been continuously putting herself ahead of our family needs so we recently gave her 2 week notice. Sad but it had to be done.

APs are temporary. Family is forever.

+1 Our AP felt miffed b/c her friend's family had a private plane and they could travel for Christimas and she couldn't. She is gone.

[Anonymous]

I think this happens ALL the time. Our current AP has a friend whose current host family has apparently agreed to "sponsor" her which basically I think just means pay her tuition and let her continue to live with them in exchange for childcare. She is planning to return to her host country in Eastern Europe to seek a visa, so we will see if they grant it to her. I agree it is shitty for the rest of us who prefer to be legal and follow the regs, but I think its very common these days.

[Anonymous]

Find new childcare now, whether that is rematch with another AP, or finding daycare, or whatever.
She needs to be gone. She wants to do something illegal.

If you find out that she was able to help her do this illegal activity, you should report both of them (her and the new family.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is more likely that she is looking for a host family that is willing to house her illegally after her au pair term is up while she pursues studies and/or just works for them. Before we started hosting au pairs, we had a full time nanny and it was very difficult to find a good and reliable person in DC who was willing and able to be paid legally. It was also outrageously expensive. So I think there are a lot of families out there who are willing take the risk.

It’s absurdly easy. Just go through a nanny agency.

[Anonymous]

Let the LCC and agency know that it’s her plan when you rematch.