Visiting toddler during the day

[Anonymous]

My nanny is in the basement with my 1 year old. I need breaks from work and spend 5 minutes once or twice a day saying hi to my toddler. She cries when I leave. Does my nanny dislike it? She says she doesn't mind but I am not sure. I want to say hi to my baby but also enjoy being around my nanny because she's the only person other than my husband who I am seeing.

[Anonymous]

Once or twice per day is fine OP, provided that you're not going during the lead up to naptime or during a meal. Also, it's normal for children to cry if their parents leave at that age; leave quickly, don't respond to the crying, or it'll just go on longer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Once or twice per day is fine OP, provided that you're not going during the lead up to naptime or during a meal. Also, it's normal for children to cry if their parents leave at that age; leave quickly, don't respond to the crying, or it'll just go on longer.

What's wrong with during a meal? She eats at my kitchen table and sometimes I want to eat too so I sit next to her.

[Anonymous]

If you are sensing that this bothers your nanny it probably is. She won’t tell you out of good manners (plus you’re her boss) but keep in mind when your child cries when you leave she is the one left to handle the tears.

[Anonymous]

Most parents who are home, stay out of sight. I think if your kid is having meltdowns then you should probably stop because it’s not fair to him (or nanny) because he thinks you’re taking over for the day. Perhaps make your time with him right before nap and then put him to sleep and let him wake up to nanny for a smoother transition.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s better to stay away. I’m sure your nanny can handle it but why upset your child like that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once or twice per day is fine OP, provided that you're not going during the lead up to naptime or during a meal. Also, it's normal for children to cry if their parents leave at that age; leave quickly, don't respond to the crying, or it'll just go on longer.

What's wrong with during a meal? She eats at my kitchen table and sometimes I want to eat too so I sit next to her.

I meant during the child's meal. Many kids would be too interested in you and that could derail meal time.

Personally, I don't want to talk to my employer while I eat (if I'm eating while the children are napping). That's my one bit of free time to breathe.

[Anonymous]

If your child is crying when you leave, it is 100% bothersome and disruptive to the nanny. Of course she’s not going to say this if she is trying to stay in your good graces. My MB frequently comes in and out of our day (2.5 yr old and infant) but they don’t change their behavior or get upset when she leaves so I don’t mind it. If the toddler did get upset every time, I would likely ask her to stay away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once or twice per day is fine OP, provided that you're not going during the lead up to naptime or during a meal. Also, it's normal for children to cry if their parents leave at that age; leave quickly, don't respond to the crying, or it'll just go on longer.

What's wrong with during a meal? She eats at my kitchen table and sometimes I want to eat too so I sit next to her.

If you want to join your kid for meals then do it consistently each day and stay for the whole meal. But popping in to eat a yogurt for 5 minutes halfway through lunch is going to be really disruptive.

Overall, yes it is always disruptive to have parents coming in because the kid becomes focused on wanting to be with you and has to adjust every time you leave. It’s part of WAH though. Instead of asking nanny if it bothers her (she’s going to lie anyway), ask her to tell you 2 or 3 times during the day when it would be least disruptive/most helpful for you to come in. E.g., I am always happy to have parents play with the kids for a few minutes while I prep lunch.

[Anonymous]

Stay away OP. Why do you keep doing it knowing that your child is upset when you leave? Twice a day?!?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nanny is in the basement with my 1 year old. I need breaks from work and spend 5 minutes once or twice a day saying hi to my toddler. She cries when I leave. Does my nanny dislike it? She says she doesn't mind but I am not sure. I want to say hi to my baby but also enjoy being around my nanny because she's the only person other than my husband who I am seeing.

Of course she minds because you are making her job harder but she isn't in a position to tell her employer that she is a royal pain! Nanny is an employee, not a friend. If you want to see your child then quit your job and take care of her yourself!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s better to stay away. I’m sure your nanny can handle it but why upset your child like that?

+1. Seriously, OP, your baby was happy when you were away and sobs when you pop in and then leave and you’re worried about your nanny?! Worry about your poor baby and stay the f away until you’re ready to NOT leave her.

[Anonymous]

This would drive me nuts

[Anonymous]

I have to agree w/the PPs who suggested that your Nanny is simply being polite.
If she wants to keep her job, it is likely bothering her but she is afraid to let you know.

I understand your desire to see your child during the day - however if it is having an adverse effect on your child, it is best to avoid doing so.

When your child gets to the stage where he can be okay w/you coming + going, then perhaps you can pop in and out.
But until then, you may be making your Nanny’s job more difficult.

[Anonymous]

The best thing would be to have your toddler walk away from you, rather than you walking away from her. So arrange for the nanny to take her to go play in the snow so she can go away from you. Psychologically, she will be happier leaving you to go do something fun.