Am Feeling Low Job Morale Now ;(

[Anonymous]

I have been a Nanny for a family for around six years.
I care for a six & 1/2 year old boy along w/his 2.5 year old little sister.

I felt that after six years w/this family, trust had been fully established and that I had a great working relationship w/both parents.

Until the beginning of this year. Pre-pandemic.

>>> Okay, let me go back a little to add important context to my situation.
When the boy was about 3-ish years of age - a parent of one of his playground buddies (who I had known about a year or so) invited me + him over for a play date at their house.
I had asked my boss if it was okay to go (she didn’t know the other parent) and she gave us permission to go.
She told me it would be fine, as long as I would be there.

Later on, she also gave me permission to take my charge to the same house for a birthday party.

Then in January of this year, another family that I know from the playground invited us over for a play date.
Well since the Mother gave me permission prior to go to a play date, I thought it would be okay for us to go but I would still ask her if it was okay.
Well getting two kids packed up and ready to go took more time than I had planned & I didn’t want to be late to our play date so I didn’t have time to ask her prior.

It wasn’t until we all arrived at the play date’s home that I called the Mom.
She dryly thanked me for letting her know.

Later in the day, when she came home she was agitated at me.
She told me that I was not allowed to bring the children into someone’s home where she did not know the family.
She was concerned about guns in the home or possibly a sex offender, etc.

I mentioned to her that prior she had given me permission w/another family that she did not know.
She said it was “different” because now there were two of them (kids.)
???? Huh ??!! ~

She told me from now on, I could only take the kids to “public” places.
I apologized profusely for what I did, yet over time this has really affected me.
I admit almost a year later, it still bothers me.’

I feel as if fundamentally my MomBoss does not trust me and does not trust my judgment.
I also feel that since she was okay w/me taking her child to a play date at another home prior that this reaction was a little extreme.
Though I do realize I should still have asked her prior.

Her statement of only taking them to public places only also did not sit well w/me.

What do you think?
Was it a serious infraction of what I did?
Do you all think that deep down, she really does not trust me even after six years?

[Anonymous]

This happened last January? Ten months ago?

[Anonymous]

^^OP Here:
Yes, if you can believe that!
I have kept my anger inside this entire time & it has been eating me up inside.

I was going to ask my bosses if we could discuss the issue further, but I waited too long.

Then the pandemic hit.....

[Anonymous]

First, LET IT GO!

Second, as a nanny, I’ve had one employer who suffers from intense anxiety and questioned absolutely everything I did. She wouldn’t let me let my then crawling charge go off the sanitized play-mat much less ever allow me to take him on a play date. Then my next employer would basically let me make all decisions for my charge (classes, play dates, playgroups). I seriously could have driven that child to Mexico for a week and she wouldn’t have cared. Neither employer behavior had anything to do with me.

Our employers are our charges parents as well as our supervisors/bosses. We do as they ask unless it’s totally against our principles (then we quit). They have the final word. If your employer wanted approval before a play date, you should have asked her. But it’s not a reflection of you or her trust in you.

[Anonymous]

Let it go. It doesn’t mean anything.

[Anonymous]

It is clear from reading your post that your MB does not completely trust you caring for her kids.
Because if she did, then she would have trusted your good judgment regarding where you take the kids and given you full autonomy.
Since she allowed you to go previously to another child’s house, then she set up a precedent that as long as you were there, then that was enough to know her child would be safe with you.

I think she talked to someone after receiving your phone call and that that person influenced her, possibly telling her that her kids could be in danger.
Because her tune changed.
I could not work for anyone who did not trust my judgment.
My nf allows me full autonomy where to take my charge as well as what people are around us.

[Anonymous]

This is a perfect example of a parent who should quit her job and stay home and raise her own children.
If one cannot give their nannie complete reign for the day then her micromanaging should be a clear sign that she is not cut out to be a working mom of young kids.

I would look for another job where the parents trusted me.

[Anonymous]

1. This was ten months ago. Either let it go, or find a new position.

2. You made an assumption based on permission from 2 years prior, permission that was given for a different situation.
A. You only had one charge at that point, not two. If a parent is worried about an unsupervised child having access to weapons, that fear would be negligible with only one charge, but much higher with two charges, one of whom is now of an age that they might be in an adjacent room and not directly supervised.
B. You initially asked before going to the play date. The second time, you didn’t even notify her until after the fact!

For comparison, I don’t ask permission, ever. We have a google calendar, and every event outside of the house gets put into the calendar as soon as I confirm (for first time events, they’re put in as tentative as soon as the possibility is raised). First time events always have a minimum of 2 days lead time, so the parents have time to check anything and cancel it if they object. After the first three play dates with a specific family (playground, their house and my charge’s house, in no particular order), we can sometimes do spontaneous play dates. There is no way I would do a spontaneous play date with a new family, not even if it was my own child. Unless they had planned prior, they could have who knows what out.

[Anonymous]

^^OP Here:
Thank you PP above for the solid advice & different perspective.

I can see why taking two children can be a different dynamic than just one.

I like the idea of a mutual calendar re: outings.

I simply prefer to work for families that let me plan things I suppose.
I was quite spoiled w/ my first NF.
I was w/them for about five + 1/2 years (until their child began Kindergarten.)

That was my first Nanny position ever.
The family allowed me to drive my charge in my car and we got to go to a lot of different places.
I am a native of our city and

[Anonymous]

(Continued):
know of many kid-friendly venues in the area.

The only rule my bosses gave me was please no driving more than forty minutes away from their home.

With my current family, after six + 1/2 years I am still not allowed to drive the kids anywhere.
So even pre-pandemic I worked 5 days per week & got bored walking to the same playground every single day.
Sometimes the kids would ask to do “something else,” especially the older boy.

So when we were invited to play at a friend’s house, the kids had a blast.
We ordered pizza and made crafts and trust me, the kids appreciated the novelty of a new place vs. the same park.
Since I cannot drive the kids at all - I had to push them both uphill in a double stroller which was kind of challenging.

[Anonymous]

(Cont.):

Sorry!

Going to the same playground every weekday (5x/wk) is not just boring for the kids, but for me too!
Yet the parents are okay w/it.

Now during COVID-19, I take them outside around the neighborhood on their bikes or scooters for a hour each day yet the kids want a change of scenery.
I may need to look for a new family since I feel like I am stuck in a boring rut.
I prefer a position where I can drive so the kids and I can do different things.
I like to switch things up.

I have a 100 percent unblemished driving record.
Yet they still have not let me drive the kids.
I even offered to purchase a car seat I was so bored.

After six yrs, if they won’t let me drive or go to a play group, then back to my original thought....
They absolutely do not trust me as much as I had hoped.

[Anonymous]

Where exactly are you going to drive two young children in the winter during a pandemic?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^OP Here:
Yes, if you can believe that!
I have kept my anger inside this entire time & it has been eating me up inside.

I was going to ask my bosses if we could discuss the issue further, but I waited too long.

Then the pandemic hit.....

You need to let this go. You should have told the mom before taking her kids to a new house and given her the address.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where exactly are you going to drive two young children in the winter during a pandemic?

OP Here:
Anywhere is better than walking to the same playground every single day, five days per week.

I live in SoCal so it’s not really ever winter here.
We have a ton of local beaches where we can visit.
We can walk along the seashore, the kids can bring sand toys and play in the sand.
We can walk on the beach pier - even visit the La Jolla Children’s Pool and see the seals there.

I am very knowledgeable + creative and can find places for us to visit.

[Anonymous]

You would feel better if you stopped typing as if you were writing poetry.