Just started with a new family, now I need surgery
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Anonymous
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I was with my last nanny family for over 4 years. I just started with a new family last week. The week after signing the contract with my new family, 6 weeks before my start date, I injured my leg.
I am very active; I hike, swim, kayak and bike frequently, and am in good shape. When I first injured myself, I had spent the day hiking and figured I'd just pulled a muscle. But after two weeks I realized it was more serious than that. After a couple of doctors appointments, I had an MRI this past Saturday, which confirmed a massive muscle tear and associated hematoma, which my primary care doctor is referring me to an orthopedic surgeon for. I haven't mentioned my injury to my new nanny family. I have been taking a high dose of ibuprofen each morning before arriving and powering though the pain. I have a 30 day trial written into my contract, and I am terrified that they will let me go if they find out that I'm going to need time off for surgery and recovery soon. The orthopedic surgeon only sees new patients Tues-Thu 9am to 3pm, and I work Mon-Fri 8-4. I called to make an appointment today, and they can get me in for a 9am consultation appointment on the Tuesday after next -- one full week before my 30 day trial period ends. I am also hoping to do the surgery before the end of 2020, both because I am in a lot of pain and also because I am finally approaching the deductible on my high deductible insurance policy so they would likely cover more of it if it is done this year. Additionally, the transition from Mom to nanny hasn't been very easy for their infant; he has not taken well to the bottle, and he was used to nursing to sleep and was held for naps, so naps and feedings have both been a bit of a struggle. I know we are on the right track and in the next couple of weeks I think we will be in a much better place on both fronts, but I'm especially worried about being let go right now, as baby is still adjusting to life with a nanny. So, what do you think I should do: 1. Tell my nanny family that I need the morning off the Tuesday after next for a doctor's appointment, but don't say what it is for exactly? 2. Tell my nanny family that I need that morning off AND tell them what the appointment is for and that I may need surgery, even though they may decide to let me go before my trial period ends? 3. Call the surgeon's office back and reschedule my appointment for 3-4 weeks later so that I don't have to request off for any appointments before my trial period ends, even though this may mean that the surgery gets pushed out to 2021? |
Anonymous
| #2. I expect honesty from my nanny and vice-versa. |
Anonymous
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Ask for the morning off for your appointment but do not tell them why. There is a chance you won’t need surgery so don’t rock the boat. Also ask the orthopedist to tell you honestly the risks involved in not having the surgery until later.
Make your decision and then tell the employers if you’ve decided on surgery. Prepare to be fired. I’m sorry, OP. That’s really bad luck. |
Anonymous
| Yeah what the last person said! |
Anonymous
| I am a nanny going through a similar situation. Just like OP I want to be as open and upfront with my employers and vice versa. However keep in mind nannies don't work for corporations that can offer health care, sick time past a few days, gym memberships, etc. No blame on individual families; we realize you are trying to make ends meet as well. However, given the current situation, and I think this goes for many workers in many fields, sometimes we are hesitant to be honest about a health threat if we think it might jeopardize our income that we need to live on. |
Anonymous
PP here and this is particularly relevant during Covid. |
Anonymous
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We have no way of knowing if you work for a crazy family or a compassionate one or a reasonable one, or ...?
I have a nanny. If you came to me and said "I can only get a dr appt tuesday at 9am - I can be at work by 11am, is that okay?" I'd say "Sure, health comes first.. I can't pay you for those three hours, but definitely take care of your health." If you came back from that appointment and said, "I am so sorry but I need surgery and will need 2 or 6 or whatever weeks to recover. I am torn on what to do because I really like you and want to keep this job, but am also in a lot of pain ...." I would say "Go get your surgery, I will get temporary help, and we will just re-start your trial when you're ready to come back." Then, if you actually did come back, I'd tell you we were re-starting your 30 days trial and if my husband and I felt like this surgery thing was a total fluke we'd cut it short so you could start accruing PTO and benefits. |
Anonymous
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Our nanny has sick time and pto time in her contract because we assume that at some time she will need to see the doctor, have her car repaired, have a family emergency (since all of those things happen to humans and she is human). The fact that you are giving them a week or two notice is time for them to make arrangements.
The surgery is trickier in that I am not sure I can fine 6 weeks worth of coverage for you but if the recovery is a week or so, that feels NBD. Perhaps you can schedule it during your vacation (I know that sucks but is "nice"). My previous nanny needed a small procedure and scheduled it the week of Thanksgiving so there were fewer days without coverage (she already had Wed -Fri off). It was a great compromise and felt respectful. I know why people do 30 days of trial but I know by the end of week one of I trust you with my kids. By now, your family should know if you are working out and this wouldn't be the thing. |
Anonymous
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Ahh....Murphy’s Law!
I would be straightforward w/your employers & let them know that you had to schedule an important Dr.’s appointment in two weeks and let them know why. Do not mention surgery until it is time to actually cross that bridge, however depending on your comfort level w/your bosses you can always mention it could be a possibility in the future. Be prepared to be let go. Since depending on how understanding the family is - this can go one of two ways. Your bosses may also be empathetic to your situation + may want to work it out between you both. Life can be unfair at times. Hopefully this is not one of those times. Wishing you only the best! |
Anonymous
| BE HONEST AND TELL THEM THE TRUE, AND WHAT EVER COME UP! FIRST IS YOUR HEALTH |
Anonymous
Why would you not pay your nanny sick time for her 3 hours of sick leave? |
Anonymous
+1. We give five days of sick leave per year. |
Anonymous
Most nannies don’t accrue pto or sick leave during a trial. |
Anonymous
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Your health is your most important thing to consider. I would get a 2nd opinion but if surgery is necessary then you take care of yourself! If they fire you (a distinct possibility) then you still make your surgery is still more important.
I speak as someone who has had 4 back surgeries. Don't ignore. Good luck. |
Anonymous
| Spinal surgery recovery is considerably more than two weeks. Six weeks is more than likely but listen to your surgeon and you will also need physical therapy. Do not skip PT as this is what gets you back to normal and it is vitally important. |