Who are the rematch families?

[Anonymous]

Just read a couple of threads about rematch. My wonderful au pairs friend is pretty unhappy in her current situation. My take is she doesn’t like the long hours. But I also think her host family is not very sympathetic or emotional or supportive during these trying times. She is thinking of rematch, but is worried she won’t get any better of a situation. She would be available for 14 months. My take is the only families looking for rematch right now are families with young kids and asking 45 hours or more per week. If You have older kids like I do your au pair is probably fine. My au pair is working less than before and with no driving no cooking because I do it she is barely working. We love her and she has is great roommate. My point is that if her friend is looking for a rematch, she isn’t going to get any better in terms of hours and about working. Am I wrong? She is also looking for a more emotional family but that is probably hard too with what families are going through.

Are there new families entering the AP pool?

She is with APIA.

Thanks

[Anonymous]

There should be more families entering the pool if there are no camps, but I doubt they will bite the bullet until the quarantine is lifted. We only have had au pairs (luckily our current AP is extending) who understand that they will have an inflexible 44 hour a week schedule with 7:30-4:30ish hours. Our APs have their own car, with all nights and weekends free, however, they know that are doing 1:1 with a toddler all day. We are very supportive of our AP (or at least we work hard trying to be) - but some APs think they will be fine providing child care all day and then realize how hard it is to really do. Encourage her to stick it out and use this time to do classes online - APIA is letting them do all of these cool classes online until August - so she can knock out her credits.

[Anonymous]

If she has 14 months left that means she only has 2 months left with her current family and then plan to extend? She should finish with her current family before looking for extension, she will have more chance of getting exactly what she want, although she is kind of late in the game. Most APs extending in 2 months already matched with family. Some families are still hoping things will open and are looking for APs but yeah most families with older kids are no ready to get new APs now, they might keep current AP or extend with them but lot are not getting new APs.

[Anonymous]

We are considering leaving the program all together, which would put our AP in the rematch pool if she chooses.

Our current environment is 2 WFH parents with 3 kids under the age of 5. It's not pretty and it's tough. Before COVID, she had an enviable 4-day per week schedule plus an additional 3 weeks of vacation. We were incredibly flexible with nights/weekends. We were a dream family, but now everything's changed and I feel awful for APs. I can't say we'd be a great host family at this point, which is why we may leave the program.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are considering leaving the program all together, which would put our AP in the rematch pool if she chooses.

Our current environment is 2 WFH parents with 3 kids under the age of 5. It's not pretty and it's tough. Before COVID, she had an enviable 4-day per week schedule plus an additional 3 weeks of vacation. We were incredibly flexible with nights/weekends. We were a dream family, but now everything's changed and I feel awful for APs. I can't say we'd be a great host family at this point, which is why we may leave the program.

I am in a similar situation but our AP is done in July and next AP is scheduled to come in August, she probably won't make it so we are considering our option. I was wondering what you are doing now that you don't have an AP, are you getting a nanny?

[Anonymous]

We are technically a family in rematch with two older kids. Our AP decided to go home, so we currently have no AP. We are just trying to make it work without because I understand the rematch pool to be pretty competitive right now. It seems APs have a lot of power there now.

[Anonymous]

There are families with older kids (preschool and up) who need help, but it’s usually with managing schoolwork. Since that’s not an AP’s strength, many are looking to teachers, college students or nannies.

[Anonymous]

We have a toddler and a Kindergartner and put our au pair into rematch two weeks after schools closed (and about a month after she arrived). From the beginning, it was clear that she had greatly exaggerated her experience with kids - she was stiff and uncomfortable with ours and had to be reminded of basic things, like needing to hold our toddler's hand in the parking lot. She had never changed a diaper or given a child a bath, despite telling us she had babysitting experience with toddlers, and was very uncomfortable performing these tasks. We tried to give it some time, but things were not improving. She just didn't seem to like little kids very much. After schools closed, we tried to provide as easy a schedule as possible to accommodate her skill level, only 4-5 hours a day, four days a week, only caring for the youngest, while we managed our jobs, our Kindergartner's homeschooling, and cared for both kids in the afternoon. But she still seemed overwhelmed and miserable, and was impatient and joyless with our toddler (who was equally miserable). She frankly also wasn't a very pleasant or considerate roommate. We've now been without childcare for six weeks and I don't regret our decision. It's been much easier without her, even though my husband and I are working from 6 in the morning until late at night, between our jobs and childcare responsibilities. We had great relationships with our previous au pairs and I naively thought that we'd never need to rematch. But I learned my lesson. She rematched within just a few days with a family with older kids, and I do think that will work much better for her. We interviewed some rematch candidates and ultimately decided to take a little break from the program rather than bring in someone new during this stressful time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a toddler and a Kindergartner and put our au pair into rematch two weeks after schools closed (and about a month after she arrived). From the beginning, it was clear that she had greatly exaggerated her experience with kids - she was stiff and uncomfortable with ours and had to be reminded of basic things, like needing to hold our toddler's hand in the parking lot. She had never changed a diaper or given a child a bath, despite telling us she had babysitting experience with toddlers, and was very uncomfortable performing these tasks. We tried to give it some time, but things were not improving. She just didn't seem to like little kids very much. After schools closed, we tried to provide as easy a schedule as possible to accommodate her skill level, only 4-5 hours a day, four days a week, only caring for the youngest, while we managed our jobs, our Kindergartner's homeschooling, and cared for both kids in the afternoon. But she still seemed overwhelmed and miserable, and was impatient and joyless with our toddler (who was equally miserable). She frankly also wasn't a very pleasant or considerate roommate. We've now been without childcare for six weeks and I don't regret our decision. It's been much easier without her, even though my husband and I are working from 6 in the morning until late at night, between our jobs and childcare responsibilities. We had great relationships with our previous au pairs and I naively thought that we'd never need to rematch. But I learned my lesson. She rematched within just a few days with a family with older kids, and I do think that will work much better for her. We interviewed some rematch candidates and ultimately decided to take a little break from the program rather than bring in someone new during this stressful time.

I am in a very similar situation.. our AP clearly had no idea how to make it work and while we were able to struggle through while the kids were in school it is not ideal now.. I keep thinking it would be easier to work full time and take care of the kids and lessen all of the stress of keeping her happy.

[Anonymous]

I think parents are trying to keep it together themselves and honestly don't have too much left over to emotionally support their au pair. I know at the end of each day I am totally spent. If I had to spend time making my au pair feel better every day, it would officially break me.

[Anonymous]

I am an AP with a 3yo and a baby I do 45hours (and more right now, though volunteeringly!) and I absolutely love my host family and wouldn't swap them for a 20hours one if I could.

I have been an AP before and while the schedule and number of kids/age might have an impact, the relationship with the parents/family is what's make or break for me in my opinion.

In quarantine working 50 or 45 hours don't change much for me right now, I have nowhere to go and I love my host kids so if I can volunteer to do extra hours and get extra cuddles while they finish to work I will. In exchange my host family has always been super generous and inclusive with me, even way before quarantine and it's the little details that have determined and sealed our relationship.

The fact that when they go to the store and see something they think I might like they buy it, the fact that if they are doing something as a family or going somewhere they think I might enjoy, they will invite me, the fact that when they realized quarantine was hard on me, they offered for me to take time off to get a break if I needed, the fact that the dad knew I wanted to learn piano so bought one to put on my side (have my private studio by their house), and give me piano lessons twice a week. The fact that when quarantine hit, they organized themselves so that one of them would almost always be available to help with one of the kids if need be and still make sure I get an hour and half break each day, it's the fact that they told me to take the car and drop a package off for my former host kid last weekend because they knew I hadn't seen him in 2 months and I was inwardly hurting over it.


It's the little thing a family does that make you feel welcome, I don't need emotional support from the family, but knowing that a family thinks about you and ways to make life better for you and want to include you when they do something means a lot and it makes it soo much more easier for me to want to go the extra mile or two and make their life easier during quarantine.


I would advise her to focus on the connection with the parents when she talk to them. I had the chance to meet my current host mom before I picked them for my extension and I just knew it was the family. (and now they are trying to convince me to stay on a student visa).



My last host family wasn't as nice and while I don't regret having stucked by them because it allowed me to meet my current hf, I would definitely suggest she takes the next two months to find her perfect extension familly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are considering leaving the program all together, which would put our AP in the rematch pool if she chooses.

Our current environment is 2 WFH parents with 3 kids under the age of 5. It's not pretty and it's tough. Before COVID, she had an enviable 4-day per week schedule plus an additional 3 weeks of vacation. We were incredibly flexible with nights/weekends. We were a dream family, but now everything's changed and I feel awful for APs. I can't say we'd be a great host family at this point, which is why we may leave the program.

I am in a similar situation but our AP is done in July and next AP is scheduled to come in August, she probably won't make it so we are considering our option. I was wondering what you are doing now that you don't have an AP, are you getting a nanny?

Honestly, we want to keep our circle small so will not have another AP or nanny. I think DH and I can work from home for the rest of the year (hopefully anyway). My in laws are retired and we'd be willing to include them in our social circle to help out here and there.

[Anonymous]

We would have been a rematch family if we had not recently left the program all together. Our needs now are much more than when life was normal so we moved to a nanny. I don't think our needs were fair to our AuPair. We need someone for the full hours, someone who is highly organized, someone who can provide educational opportunities, and simply need someone who is a professional.

Also sue to being stuck mostly in the home we wanted someone who goes to their own home at night and weekends.

We had a nanny when the kids were little so this is not exactly new.

[Anonymous]

20:44 poster - just curious what discussion you had the nanny about how she is handling life in the time of corona - did you discuss how she is social distancing when she is outside your home? This would make me worried - when she goes home, is she being vigilant? Thanks!

[Anonymous]

I would think that any family looking to upgrade would be a candidate.