Wine + such...

[Anonymous]

My au pair ALWAYS keep an open bottle of wine in her room. I'd like to think she drinks after work hours and never cared much but it's starting to annoy me with all the other unprofessionalism she displays. I also realized she is using my expensive skin care items and I kindly asked her not to do that without permission. I feel as though I have to correct her about everything everyday since there is zero commonsense with this person. The skincare is fixed but should I weigh in about wine? She is 25. She was drinking wine the first night I left her alone with the kids. Kids were sleeping so I thought, ok, maybe it's ok. She was in bed though. Her door was open at least. Still, someone on duty, shouldnt be drinking wine. No?

[Anonymous]

What country? Im less worried if its France or Italy.

Also, obviously there is a difference between enjoying a glass of wine after a long day vs. pound a whole bottle of white zin in an evening. Do you have a sense of consumption rate?.

I am SO curious how she was gaining access to your skin care products, perhaps a shared bath. That seems odd tome - a boundaries issue that it sounds like you've handled.

My general thought is - as is often the case when a HM posts here, and usually understandably so - you don't like your Au Pair and that sounds like a good enough reason to rematch to me, for both your sake and hers.

[Anonymous]

No common sense. Imagine the stupid she she does when u are not looking

[Anonymous]

Im french. We dont keep wine always on hand.
I think she is an alcoholic ...
I wouldnt trust her with children.

Former ap

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What country? Im less worried if its France or Italy.

Also, obviously there is a difference between enjoying a glass of wine after a long day vs. pound a whole bottle of white zin in an evening. Do you have a sense of consumption rate?.

I am SO curious how she was gaining access to your skin care products, perhaps a shared bath. That seems odd tome - a boundaries issue that it sounds like you've handled.

My general thought is - as is often the case when a HM posts here, and usually understandably so - you don't like your Au Pair and that sounds like a good enough reason to rematch to me, for both your sake and hers.

Errrrr, I'm french and grew up in Paris and came to the US for my MBA. I've never had a friend or known someone that needed to store wine in their bedroom.

This is not normal French behavior. You Americans do have some funny views about the world though. I blame the two big oceans that sandwich the country off from much of the rest of thr world.

This AuPair would concern me.

[Anonymous]

About the wine thing...

I drink a glass of wine at night when my kids are asleep and don’t think twice about it.

So really think hard about this...
Is it the amount? Do you think she drinks to the point where she could not handle an emergency?
Is it that it’s in her room? Would you rather her drink your wine in your living room?
Do you just not want her drinking wine because you think she should be “working?”

[Anonymous]

No one stores wine in their bedroom unless they're alcoholics.

You should have fired her when you noticed she was drinking while babysitting your children.

[Anonymous]

I have a drink when my child is around, I would not expect someone I am paying to babysit to do the same though.
I would talk to her and make it clear that she is not to drink alcohol when the children are in her care, including when they are in bed.

[Anonymous]

I think this is a total overreaction. Who cares if she drinks wine at night? I drink a glass (or two!) of wine at night before bed. This behavior wouldn't concern me at all (unless she was drinking my wine).

[Anonymous]

9:27 - sorry - I just read the last part about her being on duty. That part wouldn't work for me, but is otherwise OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My au pair ALWAYS keep an open bottle of wine in her room. I'd like to think she drinks after work hours and never cared much but it's starting to annoy me with all the other unprofessionalism she displays. I also realized she is using my expensive skin care items and I kindly asked her not to do that without permission. I feel as though I have to correct her about everything everyday since there is zero commonsense with this person. The skincare is fixed but should I weigh in about wine? She is 25. She was drinking wine the first night I left her alone with the kids. Kids were sleeping so I thought, ok, maybe it's ok. She was in bed though. Her door was open at least. Still, someone on duty, shouldnt be drinking wine. No?

It sounds like the real issue is the lack of common sense. As for the wine, I frequently have a glass of wine myself after the kids are in bed. I don't consider it a problem and would not consider it a problem if my au pair did the same. You also seem to be irritated about her being in her bed. Again, this would not be an issue for me. Get an cheap monitor and ask AP to turn in on when she is on duty after the kids are in bed. You can then turn it off when you get home.

[Anonymous]

People saying « she is an alcoholic because she stores alcohol in her room» she is an AU PAIR where else should she store her alcohol? I am also a former Au pair from France and whilst I didn’t store wine (I don’t like wine), I definitely stored alcohol in my room. The thing is I NEVER touched it when on duty and never at night if I was working the next day (I guess one glass of wine or a beer after work is different though). I did drink it in the weekends if I was going out to party or whatever else, but then again I was off. It could also go untouched for weeks/months. Though yes, if you stepped into my room you would have found a bottle of alcohol, maybe half full who had probably been sitting untouched for weeks, not that you would know that just by looking at the bottle.

Most households (French or not) have an alcohol cabinet. APs usually don’t, so I stored all non-essential items in my rooms (snacks/candies/ alcohol) didn’t mean I was an alcoholic and drinking every night!

Why you would assume someone is an alcoholic because they store alcohol in their room when their room is their only private space is beyond me!

Now sure if she downs a bottle of wine every night, address it but if you just so happens to see a bottle of wine in her bedroom and have no notion of how much she drinks/doesn’t drink then I would be cautious to assume the worst when there is no reason to believe she is an alcoholic.

[Anonymous]

It's ridiculous to store alcohol in your bedroom when you're an Au Pair. Yes that makes you look like an alcoholic.
You can have drinks with other Au Pairs when out on weekends, in bars or restaurants.
Storing alcohol in your bedroom shows you want to hide it.
You could have found a place for it in the kitchen.
We don't buy your story, French AP.

[Anonymous]

I think all of my au pairs have stored alcohol in their rooms for when their friends dropped by or when they went to a friends house. It really didn't bother me. I am actually more bothered by the chips in their rooms that can lead to mice. If she is drinking on duty that is one issue, if she is saving a bottle of wine because she shares it with friends on the weekend then that's really not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's ridiculous to store alcohol in your bedroom when you're an Au Pair. Yes that makes you look like an alcoholic.
You can have drinks with other Au Pairs when out on weekends, in bars or restaurants.
Storing alcohol in your bedroom shows you want to hide it.
You could have found a place for it in the kitchen.
We don't buy your story, French AP.

Disagree. Storing wine in your room means that this is yours and not the host families. I mean honestly do you really expect AP to keep their wine in the kitchen and have to come upstairs every time they want a glass of wine. Give the poor girl some privacy, as long as she is waking up on time for work and not drinking to excess on while on the clock who cares what she does at night in her room.