Not sure I can do it...

[Anonymous]

We have 3 more months with what will be our final Au Pair. She's nice. She's sweet to the kids, they like her. She is also super annoying to my husband and me. She's needy and she sings constantly. Constantly. And she was on vacation all last week which made me realize that we don't need her. Life was actually easier without her. She makes the kids lunches in the morning but isn't able to do that and manage getting the rest of the morning tasks done so I end up having them brush their teeth, etc. When she was gone it was like only an extra 10 minutes per morning to do the lunches. She can't handle even simple discipline and she can't do anything independently. We have to write out a checklist for everything for her. And she still forgets. She is looking to extend (not with us....we told her it was our last year when we matched). Does anyone know if it's possible to let her go early and match with a family for 3 months and then extend? Do we get any kind of refund? We have hosted for 9 years and never had a rematch or an au pair who was so unable to anticipate our needs.

[Anonymous]

Yes she can match with a family for 3 months and extend. I did it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 more months with what will be our final Au Pair. She's nice. She's sweet to the kids, they like her. She is also super annoying to my husband and me. She's needy and she sings constantly. Constantly. And she was on vacation all last week which made me realize that we don't need her. Life was actually easier without her. She makes the kids lunches in the morning but isn't able to do that and manage getting the rest of the morning tasks done so I end up having them brush their teeth, etc. When she was gone it was like only an extra 10 minutes per morning to do the lunches. She can't handle even simple discipline and she can't do anything independently. We have to write out a checklist for everything for her. And she still forgets. She is looking to extend (not with us....we told her it was our last year when we matched). Does anyone know if it's possible to let her go early and match with a family for 3 months and then extend? Do we get any kind of refund? We have hosted for 9 years and never had a rematch or an au pair who was so unable to anticipate our needs.

We have one like this minus the singing. We have until July 30th and I cannot wait. This happened this weekend (My kids are older, our AP is 18, which is the first problem). We all went out to dinner. We were driving home and DH and I said, we are going to drop you all home and head out and get a drink. WE pull into the driveway and the kids get out and she stays in. I'm like "what are you doing?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 more months with what will be our final Au Pair. She's nice. She's sweet to the kids, they like her. She is also super annoying to my husband and me. She's needy and she sings constantly. Constantly. And she was on vacation all last week which made me realize that we don't need her. Life was actually easier without her. She makes the kids lunches in the morning but isn't able to do that and manage getting the rest of the morning tasks done so I end up having them brush their teeth, etc. When she was gone it was like only an extra 10 minutes per morning to do the lunches. She can't handle even simple discipline and she can't do anything independently. We have to write out a checklist for everything for her. And she still forgets. She is looking to extend (not with us....we told her it was our last year when we matched). Does anyone know if it's possible to let her go early and match with a family for 3 months and then extend? Do we get any kind of refund? We have hosted for 9 years and never had a rematch or an au pair who was so unable to anticipate our needs.

We have one like this minus the singing. We have until July 30th and I cannot wait. This happened this weekend (My kids are older, our AP is 18, which is the first problem). We all went out to dinner. We were driving home and DH and I said, we are going to drop you all home and head out and get a drink. WE pull into the driveway and the kids get out and she stays in. I'm like "what are you doing?"

sorry got cut off. and she says "I thought I was going with you two?". My DH said, no, scram. Why would she think she is going out with DH and I for a drink on a Saturday night?

Her social ques are non-existent. She will sit in the kitchen staring at DH and I while we have a private conversation. I have to be all awkward and ask her to leave the room...like she's a child. AUPAIR FROM HELL.

[Anonymous]

Ditto in many respects - no singing, not really needy, but lordy lordy lordy even after 6 months she can't follow clearly laid out lists in an app, ignores written instructions that are clearly left for her on her part of the whiteboard, forgets how to make the kids' beds the way they like (or just can't be bothered), pays no attention to whether they have brushed their teeth ... etc. As with PP another issue is that she is a child and has zero authority over our 12 year old daughter. My annoyance started to show clearly about two months ago and I let her know I was finding it very stressful to micro manage her. We had a hard reset where I actually suggested the end was nigh, and a few weeks later things went downhill yet again and I pointed this out. She has decided to go home early but will be with us for another month. While we would so love to have another au pair who will be a valued member of the family and genuinely helpful, as has been the case in the past, we think we're out as the the high chance of stress and disappointment means it is not worth it for us anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 more months with what will be our final Au Pair. She's nice. She's sweet to the kids, they like her. She is also super annoying to my husband and me. She's needy and she sings constantly. Constantly. And she was on vacation all last week which made me realize that we don't need her. Life was actually easier without her. She makes the kids lunches in the morning but isn't able to do that and manage getting the rest of the morning tasks done so I end up having them brush their teeth, etc. When she was gone it was like only an extra 10 minutes per morning to do the lunches. She can't handle even simple discipline and she can't do anything independently. We have to write out a checklist for everything for her. And she still forgets. She is looking to extend (not with us....we told her it was our last year when we matched). Does anyone know if it's possible to let her go early and match with a family for 3 months and then extend? Do we get any kind of refund? We have hosted for 9 years and never had a rematch or an au pair who was so unable to anticipate our needs.

We have one like this minus the singing. We have until July 30th and I cannot wait. This happened this weekend (My kids are older, our AP is 18, which is the first problem). We all went out to dinner. We were driving home and DH and I said, we are going to drop you all home and head out and get a drink. WE pull into the driveway and the kids get out and she stays in. I'm like "what are you doing?"

sorry got cut off. and she says "I thought I was going with you two?". My DH said, no, scram. Why would she think she is going out with DH and I for a drink on a Saturday night?

Her social ques are non-existent. She will sit in the kitchen staring at DH and I while we have a private conversation. I have to be all awkward and ask her to leave the room...like she's a child. AUPAIR FROM HELL.

This made me laugh. So funny. What on earth!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ditto in many respects - no singing, not really needy, but lordy lordy lordy even after 6 months she can't follow clearly laid out lists in an app, ignores written instructions that are clearly left for her on her part of the whiteboard, forgets how to make the kids' beds the way they like (or just can't be bothered), pays no attention to whether they have brushed their teeth ... etc. As with PP another issue is that she is a child and has zero authority over our 12 year old daughter. My annoyance started to show clearly about two months ago and I let her know I was finding it very stressful to micro manage her. We had a hard reset where I actually suggested the end was nigh, and a few weeks later things went downhill yet again and I pointed this out. She has decided to go home early but will be with us for another month. While we would so love to have another au pair who will be a valued member of the family and genuinely helpful, as has been the case in the past, we think we're out as the the high chance of stress and disappointment means it is not worth it for us anymore.

Why aren’t the kids doing it then? How old are your other kids, if you have a 12yo? While I do think preteens need one reminder, that reminder could easily be given as a list if this is a preteen who forgets daily things like brushing teeth...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 more months with what will be our final Au Pair. She's nice. She's sweet to the kids, they like her. She is also super annoying to my husband and me. She's needy and she sings constantly. Constantly. And she was on vacation all last week which made me realize that we don't need her. Life was actually easier without her. She makes the kids lunches in the morning but isn't able to do that and manage getting the rest of the morning tasks done so I end up having them brush their teeth, etc. When she was gone it was like only an extra 10 minutes per morning to do the lunches. She can't handle even simple discipline and she can't do anything independently. We have to write out a checklist for everything for her. And she still forgets. She is looking to extend (not with us....we told her it was our last year when we matched). Does anyone know if it's possible to let her go early and match with a family for 3 months and then extend? Do we get any kind of refund? We have hosted for 9 years and never had a rematch or an au pair who was so unable to anticipate our needs.

We have one like this minus the singing. We have until July 30th and I cannot wait. This happened this weekend (My kids are older, our AP is 18, which is the first problem). We all went out to dinner. We were driving home and DH and I said, we are going to drop you all home and head out and get a drink. WE pull into the driveway and the kids get out and she stays in. I'm like "what are you doing?"

sorry got cut off. and she says "I thought I was going with you two?". My DH said, no, scram. Why would she think she is going out with DH and I for a drink on a Saturday night?

Her social ques are non-existent. She will sit in the kitchen staring at DH and I while we have a private conversation. I have to be all awkward and ask her to leave the room...like she's a child. AUPAIR FROM HELL.

This made me laugh. So funny. What on earth!?

It was so weird. But this is just one of many awkward situations.

[Anonymous]

My 6yo has been making her own bed since she was 3. I cant believe you have a grown adult caterlng to your kids like this.

OP Can the au pair make the kids lunches the night before and then focus on the teeth brushing etc in the morning?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ditto in many respects - no singing, not really needy, but lordy lordy lordy even after 6 months she can't follow clearly laid out lists in an app, ignores written instructions that are clearly left for her on her part of the whiteboard, forgets how to make the kids' beds the way they like (or just can't be bothered), pays no attention to whether they have brushed their teeth ... etc. As with PP another issue is that she is a child and has zero authority over our 12 year old daughter. My annoyance started to show clearly about two months ago and I let her know I was finding it very stressful to micro manage her. We had a hard reset where I actually suggested the end was nigh, and a few weeks later things went downhill yet again and I pointed this out. She has decided to go home early but will be with us for another month. While we would so love to have another au pair who will be a valued member of the family and genuinely helpful, as has been the case in the past, we think we're out as the the high chance of stress and disappointment means it is not worth it for us anymore.

Why aren’t the kids doing it then? How old are your other kids, if you have a 12yo? While I do think preteens need one reminder, that reminder could easily be given as a list if this is a preteen who forgets daily things like brushing teeth...

Kids are 9 and 12. Older one has motor delays and finds doing things like tucking sheets under a heavy double bed very difficult, but is picky about how her bed is made due to sensory issues. 9 year old is small for his age and also struggles with the tucking, and also is particular. Both kids strip all their sheets in the morning on bed making day and take them to the laundry room. They also have other chores such as putting away their laundry, and 12 year old folds it sometimes too. Sometimes if we have a lot going on after school/in the evening and its bed day or laundry day, I ask the au pair to do all those chores or they won't get done. Older one is sometimes anxious to leave and forgets to brush teeth. 9 year old is, well, 9, and more interested in beyblades than toothbrushing.

Anyway, these are just examples. She has also forgotten medications, water bottles, mittens, school agendas and even lunch bags. Having said that, I find it interesting that this and another poster feel the need to give me advice as if it's not valid for me to expect an AP to do the child-related tasks that I have clearly and repeatedly requested.

[Anonymous]

You won’t get any money back, but you won’t have to pay her stipend either, or pay for food for her etc. I’d go ahead and cut the cord. She doesn’t sound good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ditto in many respects - no singing, not really needy, but lordy lordy lordy even after 6 months she can't follow clearly laid out lists in an app, ignores written instructions that are clearly left for her on her part of the whiteboard, forgets how to make the kids' beds the way they like (or just can't be bothered), pays no attention to whether they have brushed their teeth ... etc. As with PP another issue is that she is a child and has zero authority over our 12 year old daughter. My annoyance started to show clearly about two months ago and I let her know I was finding it very stressful to micro manage her. We had a hard reset where I actually suggested the end was nigh, and a few weeks later things went downhill yet again and I pointed this out. She has decided to go home early but will be with us for another month. While we would so love to have another au pair who will be a valued member of the family and genuinely helpful, as has been the case in the past, we think we're out as the the high chance of stress and disappointment means it is not worth it for us anymore.

Why aren’t the kids doing it then? How old are your other kids, if you have a 12yo? While I do think preteens need one reminder, that reminder could easily be given as a list if this is a preteen who forgets daily things like brushing teeth...

What does it matter? She has been instructed to make the kids beds in a certain manner. YOUR issue with OPs parenting has no bearing on this dud of an AuPair who cannot follow simple instructions. Making kids beds are well within the program rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ditto in many respects - no singing, not really needy, but lordy lordy lordy even after 6 months she can't follow clearly laid out lists in an app, ignores written instructions that are clearly left for her on her part of the whiteboard, forgets how to make the kids' beds the way they like (or just can't be bothered), pays no attention to whether they have brushed their teeth ... etc. As with PP another issue is that she is a child and has zero authority over our 12 year old daughter. My annoyance started to show clearly about two months ago and I let her know I was finding it very stressful to micro manage her. We had a hard reset where I actually suggested the end was nigh, and a few weeks later things went downhill yet again and I pointed this out. She has decided to go home early but will be with us for another month. While we would so love to have another au pair who will be a valued member of the family and genuinely helpful, as has been the case in the past, we think we're out as the the high chance of stress and disappointment means it is not worth it for us anymore.

Why aren’t the kids doing it then? How old are your other kids, if you have a 12yo? While I do think preteens need one reminder, that reminder could easily be given as a list if this is a preteen who forgets daily things like brushing teeth...

Kids are 9 and 12. Older one has motor delays and finds doing things like tucking sheets under a heavy double bed very difficult, but is picky about how her bed is made due to sensory issues. 9 year old is small for his age and also struggles with the tucking, and also is particular. Both kids strip all their sheets in the morning on bed making day and take them to the laundry room. They also have other chores such as putting away their laundry, and 12 year old folds it sometimes too. Sometimes if we have a lot going on after school/in the evening and its bed day or laundry day, I ask the au pair to do all those chores or they won't get done. Older one is sometimes anxious to leave and forgets to brush teeth. 9 year old is, well, 9, and more interested in beyblades than toothbrushing.

Anyway, these are just examples. She has also forgotten medications, water bottles, mittens, school agendas and even lunch bags. Having said that, I find it interesting that this and another poster feel the need to give me advice as if it's not valid for me to expect an AP to do the child-related tasks that I have clearly and repeatedly requested.

Just trying to figure out why you’re having AP do things the kids are old enough to do.

Sounds like you need written lists for the kids. One in the bedroom or bathroom for morning routine, one by the door they exit to go to school. Possibly one in the kitchen or bedroom for afternoon/evening, depending on when you get home.

While I think your AP is falling down on the job, it doesn’t sound like you’re requiring your kids to take responsibility for everything they should.

Forgotten lunch or agenda? That’s on the child. Every elementary school I know requires kids to take responsibility for their backpack, lunchbox, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ditto in many respects - no singing, not really needy, but lordy lordy lordy even after 6 months she can't follow clearly laid out lists in an app, ignores written instructions that are clearly left for her on her part of the whiteboard, forgets how to make the kids' beds the way they like (or just can't be bothered), pays no attention to whether they have brushed their teeth ... etc. As with PP another issue is that she is a child and has zero authority over our 12 year old daughter. My annoyance started to show clearly about two months ago and I let her know I was finding it very stressful to micro manage her. We had a hard reset where I actually suggested the end was nigh, and a few weeks later things went downhill yet again and I pointed this out. She has decided to go home early but will be with us for another month. While we would so love to have another au pair who will be a valued member of the family and genuinely helpful, as has been the case in the past, we think we're out as the the high chance of stress and disappointment means it is not worth it for us anymore.

Why aren’t the kids doing it then? How old are your other kids, if you have a 12yo? While I do think preteens need one reminder, that reminder could easily be given as a list if this is a preteen who forgets daily things like brushing teeth...

Kids are 9 and 12. Older one has motor delays and finds doing things like tucking sheets under a heavy double bed very difficult, but is picky about how her bed is made due to sensory issues. 9 year old is small for his age and also struggles with the tucking, and also is particular. Both kids strip all their sheets in the morning on bed making day and take them to the laundry room. They also have other chores such as putting away their laundry, and 12 year old folds it sometimes too. Sometimes if we have a lot going on after school/in the evening and its bed day or laundry day, I ask the au pair to do all those chores or they won't get done. Older one is sometimes anxious to leave and forgets to brush teeth. 9 year old is, well, 9, and more interested in beyblades than toothbrushing.

Anyway, these are just examples. She has also forgotten medications, water bottles, mittens, school agendas and even lunch bags. Having said that, I find it interesting that this and another poster feel the need to give me advice as if it's not valid for me to expect an AP to do the child-related tasks that I have clearly and repeatedly requested.

Just trying to figure out why you’re having AP do things the kids are old enough to do.

Sounds like you need written lists for the kids. One in the bedroom or bathroom for morning routine, one by the door they exit to go to school. Possibly one in the kitchen or bedroom for afternoon/evening, depending on when you get home.

While I think your AP is falling down on the job, it doesn’t sound like you’re requiring your kids to take responsibility for everything they should.

Forgotten lunch or agenda? That’s on the child. Every elementary school I know requires kids to take responsibility for their backpack, lunchbox, etc.

Again, irrelevant. Its the AuPairs job. This is within the program rules. If the OP wants the AuPair to do it that's what shes to do.

Guess what? We have a full time housekeeper, plus a deep cleaning service. Think we make our beds? Do out laundry? Or make our lunches? No. This is someone else's job and if they don't like it they are welcome to find another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ditto in many respects - no singing, not really needy, but lordy lordy lordy even after 6 months she can't follow clearly laid out lists in an app, ignores written instructions that are clearly left for her on her part of the whiteboard, forgets how to make the kids' beds the way they like (or just can't be bothered), pays no attention to whether they have brushed their teeth ... etc. As with PP another issue is that she is a child and has zero authority over our 12 year old daughter. My annoyance started to show clearly about two months ago and I let her know I was finding it very stressful to micro manage her. We had a hard reset where I actually suggested the end was nigh, and a few weeks later things went downhill yet again and I pointed this out. She has decided to go home early but will be with us for another month. While we would so love to have another au pair who will be a valued member of the family and genuinely helpful, as has been the case in the past, we think we're out as the the high chance of stress and disappointment means it is not worth it for us anymore.

Why aren’t the kids doing it then? How old are your other kids, if you have a 12yo? While I do think preteens need one reminder, that reminder could easily be given as a list if this is a preteen who forgets daily things like brushing teeth...

Kids are 9 and 12. Older one has motor delays and finds doing things like tucking sheets under a heavy double bed very difficult, but is picky about how her bed is made due to sensory issues. 9 year old is small for his age and also struggles with the tucking, and also is particular. Both kids strip all their sheets in the morning on bed making day and take them to the laundry room. They also have other chores such as putting away their laundry, and 12 year old folds it sometimes too. Sometimes if we have a lot going on after school/in the evening and its bed day or laundry day, I ask the au pair to do all those chores or they won't get done. Older one is sometimes anxious to leave and forgets to brush teeth. 9 year old is, well, 9, and more interested in beyblades than toothbrushing.

Anyway, these are just examples. She has also forgotten medications, water bottles, mittens, school agendas and even lunch bags. Having said that, I find it interesting that this and another poster feel the need to give me advice as if it's not valid for me to expect an AP to do the child-related tasks that I have clearly and repeatedly requested.

Just trying to figure out why you’re having AP do things the kids are old enough to do.

Sounds like you need written lists for the kids. One in the bedroom or bathroom for morning routine, one by the door they exit to go to school. Possibly one in the kitchen or bedroom for afternoon/evening, depending on when you get home.

While I think your AP is falling down on the job, it doesn’t sound like you’re requiring your kids to take responsibility for everything they should.

Forgotten lunch or agenda? That’s on the child. Every elementary school I know requires kids to take responsibility for their backpack, lunchbox, etc.

I don’t understand why you feel the need to give me parenting / AP job description advice. My kids know the routine and have responsibilities, the AP is there to help keep them on track. If she forgets to make sure they have their lunch bags, it’s me who gets the phone call and has to drive to the school with it (she doesn’t drive).