Male au pair arrives shortly - appreciate any tips!

[Anonymous]

This is our seventh au pair but our first male au pair. Any tips from those of you who've had a male au pair? Are there differences that I may not have anticipated? I know my food bill is going to go up! I have a 14 year old DD, who doesn't need an au pair, except to pick her up periodically, and a 10 year old DS with special needs, who is very excited for a male au pair.

TIA

[Anonymous]

They eat a lot.

[Anonymous]

Give him a little time to rest before he begins at pairing you.

[Anonymous]

*au pairing*

[Anonymous]

Make sure that DD isn’t snarky to him, just BC all she needs is a ride.

[Anonymous]

Ha - I had to check and make sure that this post didn't originate back in 2013, which is when we switched to male APs though after six years of hosting, and also with an older DD and a younger DS with spec needs. We have now been hosting males for 6 years, and it's been awesome. Some have indeed eaten more - and by more I mean doubled our grocery bill. Others have eaten the same as any of the females or less. Our current BP is German, 20, and 6'3" and he eats exactly what I eat. I simply buy a bit more of everything I otherwise would buy and he eats it. Our favorite BP, though, ate 6 waffles every morning along with 5 bananas, 2 scoops of chocolate icecream, all covered in both maple syrup and chocolate syrup. I am not exaggerating.

What do you need to know? Nothing you don't know about female APs. Some have been good at laundry and others not. Some have been good at wiping down the sink and keeping their shared with our DS bathroom clean, whereas others have not been. Some have been great cooks and cleaned up without asking whereas others have struggled to make pasta and tried to clean an induction stove with a knife. They need training, same as your female APs.

I would make sure they have a space to host friends, as some of their female friends won't be allowed to have them over. I would make sure they have access to someone - your DH, a male relative, whatever - in case they have questions about anything they are uncomfortable raising with you (one of our BPs had a urinary issue he had to deal with). Some have been comfortable hugging me and being affectionate, whereas others were more stand-offish, which is fine. I always ask if I can hug to say thank you - I never assume - and of course I wouldn't do this until I know them. I would say most of our BPs have hugged me hello and shaken my husband's hand. All have been warm with my children.

Our 17 year old daughter and our 20 year old BP don't have much interaction at all, but what there is is fine - polite, helpful, etc but definitely not friendly. When our daughter was younger, I worried about a friend of hers having a crush on one of our BPs and used to talk to the BPs about this, but it's been years since i have worried about that.

Best of luck and feel free to ask specific questions if you find you could use any guidance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ha - I had to check and make sure that this post didn't originate back in 2013, which is when we switched to male APs though after six years of hosting, and also with an older DD and a younger DS with spec needs. We have now been hosting males for 6 years, and it's been awesome. Some have indeed eaten more - and by more I mean doubled our grocery bill. Others have eaten the same as any of the females or less. Our current BP is German, 20, and 6'3" and he eats exactly what I eat. I simply buy a bit more of everything I otherwise would buy and he eats it. Our favorite BP, though, ate 6 waffles every morning along with 5 bananas, 2 scoops of chocolate icecream, all covered in both maple syrup and chocolate syrup. I am not exaggerating.

What do you need to know? Nothing you don't know about female APs. Some have been good at laundry and others not. Some have been good at wiping down the sink and keeping their shared with our DS bathroom clean, whereas others have not been. Some have been great cooks and cleaned up without asking whereas others have struggled to make pasta and tried to clean an induction stove with a knife. They need training, same as your female APs.

I would make sure they have a space to host friends, as some of their female friends won't be allowed to have them over. I would make sure they have access to someone - your DH, a male relative, whatever - in case they have questions about anything they are uncomfortable raising with you (one of our BPs had a urinary issue he had to deal with). Some have been comfortable hugging me and being affectionate, whereas others were more stand-offish, which is fine. I always ask if I can hug to say thank you - I never assume - and of course I wouldn't do this until I know them. I would say most of our BPs have hugged me hello and shaken my husband's hand. All have been warm with my children.

Our 17 year old daughter and our 20 year old BP don't have much interaction at all, but what there is is fine - polite, helpful, etc but definitely not friendly. When our daughter was younger, I worried about a friend of hers having a crush on one of our BPs and used to talk to the BPs about this, but it's been years since i have worried about that.

Best of luck and feel free to ask specific questions if you find you could use any guidance.

Op here, thank you for this! It is very helpful. I'm also encouraged. Ours that is arriving today is German too!

[Anonymous]

I have a male Au pair for my preschooler. He is great with DS, he cooks (I invested in cooking classes for him) and generally cleans up after himself although I do sometimes need to remind him to do this.

He does eat a lot so our grocery bill is higher but I don’t mind this at all as he is great with DS and I come home to a home cooked meal every day.