AP has lewd social media

[Anonymous]

My au pair has several social media accounts with lewd photos and sexual commentary.
Has also joined bumble and tinder.

Would this bother you?
I wonder about the motivation and how it would affect anything, other than an addiction to being online and contacting people that are following her.

Would it be / could it be traced to my house somehow?

This has affected her/us because she is online all the time. I also have young boys.
She is not interested in spending any time with us outside of working hours.

I’ve had au pairs with all kinds of hobbies but never this.

[Anonymous]

Talk to her about your expectations about spending time with family when not working or being on the phone/social networks when on the clock. But you can’t really tell her what content to post on social media or what she does in her private time if it does not affect her work. If she starts going out a lot during work nights-establish times she has to be back by. You don’t know what other au pairs did on their free time if they don’t want you to. This one seems to be more explicit.

[Anonymous]

She probably came to the US to find a husband, I'm sorry for you, OP.

Your children deserve better care.

Former AP.

[Anonymous]

I would rematch. It is a lot of drama you do not need. We had a beautiful AP who got enough attention in real life and when she became an online “influencer” she asked for a new mobile number within a month as it some how got out on social media.
After that we gave her the option to stop the account or rematch, she chose to rematch. I think she lasted a month at the next family and then went home.

[Anonymous]

You can talk to your AP about her phone use during working hours but you absolutely cannot control her social medias or what she does on her free time.

Talk to her as well about safety regarding her dating life such as, meeting in public and not being picked up at your place/not divulging your address or other information about your family.


You can invite her to join you and your family during her free time but she has every right to say no and you shouldn't begrudge her for it, I personally wouldn't fancy hanging out with my boss after my working hours and while she does live with you as long as she does her job appropriately and has bonded with your boys (has she?) then I would let her use her free time as she see fit and enjoy the family time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can talk to your AP about her phone use during working hours but you absolutely cannot control her social medias or what she does on her free time.

Talk to her as well about safety regarding her dating life such as, meeting in public and not being picked up at your place/not divulging your address or other information about your family.


You can invite her to join you and your family during her free time but she has every right to say no and you shouldn't begrudge her for it, I personally wouldn't fancy hanging out with my boss after my working hours and while she does live with you as long as she does her job appropriately and has bonded with your boys (has she?) then I would let her use her free time as she see fit and enjoy the family time.

No.
She doesn’t seem to like my kids or kids in general.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can talk to your AP about her phone use during working hours but you absolutely cannot control her social medias or what she does on her free time.

Talk to her as well about safety regarding her dating life such as, meeting in public and not being picked up at your place/not divulging your address or other information about your family.


You can invite her to join you and your family during her free time but she has every right to say no and you shouldn't begrudge her for it, I personally wouldn't fancy hanging out with my boss after my working hours and while she does live with you as long as she does her job appropriately and has bonded with your boys (has she?) then I would let her use her free time as she see fit and enjoy the family time.

No.
She doesn’t seem to like my kids or kids in general.

Then you have bigger problems than her social media use. Why would you let your kids with someone who obviously doesn’t like them (or kids).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can talk to your AP about her phone use during working hours but you absolutely cannot control her social medias or what she does on her free time.

Talk to her as well about safety regarding her dating life such as, meeting in public and not being picked up at your place/not divulging your address or other information about your family.


You can invite her to join you and your family during her free time but she has every right to say no and you shouldn't begrudge her for it, I personally wouldn't fancy hanging out with my boss after my working hours and while she does live with you as long as she does her job appropriately and has bonded with your boys (has she?) then I would let her use her free time as she see fit and enjoy the family time.

No.
She doesn’t seem to like my kids or kids in general.

Then it's time for a reset conversation or rematch. The only AP we had who didn't seem to like us lasted the year...but it wasn't fun. In retrospect I wish we'd rematched: who wanted to come home to someone in the house who doesn't like you? And...it's even worse for your kids!

[Anonymous]

Truthfully, I would rematch for "mismatch in expectations."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can talk to your AP about her phone use during working hours but you absolutely cannot control her social medias or what she does on her free time.

Talk to her as well about safety regarding her dating life such as, meeting in public and not being picked up at your place/not divulging your address or other information about your family.


You can invite her to join you and your family during her free time but she has every right to say no and you shouldn't begrudge her for it, I personally wouldn't fancy hanging out with my boss after my working hours and while she does live with you as long as she does her job appropriately and has bonded with your boys (has she?) then I would let her use her free time as she see fit and enjoy the family time.

No.
She doesn’t seem to like my kids or kids in general.

Then it's time for a reset conversation or rematch. The only AP we had who didn't seem to like us lasted the year...but it wasn't fun. In retrospect I wish we'd rematched: who wanted to come home to someone in the house who doesn't like you? And...it's even worse for your kids!

+1 Being "friends" with me and DH is optional; bonding with my kids is not.