Nanny doesn't seem warm and fuzzy

[Anonymous]

When we were looking for a nanny the one thing we really wanted was someone very warm and nurturing. We settled on a nanny who seemed very sweet, which her references confirmed, but I am just not seeing it with my kids. I have observed a few situations that bothered me and started making me think maybe she isn't the right fit. Last week when heading home from work my nanny was taking the baby on a walk and I saw them together (I take the Metro and we live a couple blocks from the stop so I ended up behind them and hung back to observe). The baby was hysterically crying and my nanny was barely engaging with him to try to calm him down. Something just bothered me about the interaction, or lack thereof. Second, my older one tripped and hurt herself this morning. I was getting dressed in the other room and she was with our nanny in the kitchen. The nanny never really tried to hug or comfort her, she just kept saying "don't worry, you're ok" while standing near her.

Would this bother you? I know not everyone cares about their nanny being super warm and fuzzy, but since it was important to us should we look for a new nanny even though she does the rest of her job well - kids are on good schedules, fed well, bathed, etc? She is not mean at all, she just isn't overly warm if that makes sense. I think it's just her personality now that I have gotten to know her better. WWYD here?

[Anonymous]

It doesn’t sound like this nanny is right for your family.

Yes, warm and nurturing are extremely important to me too.

[Anonymous]

Yes, both examples would bother me.

We have an amazing nanny who does all your nanny’s listed positives and then some. She also loves my child and is such a source on constant security and love for him.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she is just not the right fit.

Not pointing the blame at you or her.
It’s just not a suitable match.

I would let her go & start a new Nanny search.

[Anonymous]

Yes, that would bother me as well. It's just not a match. I agree the nanny isn't necessarily doing anything wrong but I prefer a different approach.

[Anonymous]

I’m a nanny. I am in this field because nurturing children comes naturally to me. There is zero chance I would try to move forward with this nanny. Not a good for, give proper notice.

[Anonymous]

To me, those are very different.

An infant doesn’t care on unless they need something and aren’t getting it. There’s no reason for an infant to get to the pint of hysterical before the caregiver tries SOMETHING. Now, the infant may build to hysteria even if the caregiver (parent, nanny or other) is trying to find the issue.

On the other hand, toddlers and preschoolers can start to learn to differentiate between small, big and in between. I offer an ice pack for bumps, not stubbed toes, just like I offer bandaids for bleeding but not scratches. By assuring a young child that it’s a small pain, but it’ll be over soon, I acknowledge that it hurts and assure them that it won’t last. A kiss on the forehead and “I know your toe hurts, but it’ll be okay soon. Do you want to get out the kid dishes or silverware first?” redirects their attention to something else. However, repeating the same phrase over and over, never redirecting attention is counter-productive, as the child focuses on what you are saying.

However, I work with families who have the same views. To me (and my families), being loving doesn’t mean large reactions to small situations. If you prefer a different view of loving attention, interview again. Ask open-ended questions about situations which would bother you (baby starts crying while on a walk with nanny and nanny needs to get home quickly, older child has various levels of pain, etc). Don’t give your views, listen to see what the applicants say.