Would you say something or just let it go?

[Anonymous]

Venting - AP often asks to borrow an item of clothing like a coat and hat, or a scarf - things from the shared coat closet. No problem, I haven't minded. She asked to borrow my water shoes (chacos) for an au pair tubing event. I have had my chacos forever and they are super sturdy - I told her sure. Well, she just got back and the shoes she took are the Merrill athletic sandals I bout for work 6 weeks ago - and I am pissed. They aren't water shoes and they're practically new. Pissed at myself for leaving them in our common shoe box (we drop all shoes by the door when we come in) and not moving them so they wouldn't be accessible. Pissed at her for not clarifying before taking. She didn't make things better by coming in the door and throwing her wet river clothes on top of my boys just finished back to school clothes in the washer. Would you say something or let it go?

[Anonymous]

what do you want to say? it could be an honest misunderstanding. My question: do you really wants to keep doing this? because there will be more "misunderstandings". I would only said something to stop this craziness. I.e. no borrowing. Full stop.

[Anonymous]

Say something. Just tell her she took the wrong shoes and ruined the sandals that were never meant to be water shoes. To prevent further misunderstandings, you would like her to show you what she intends to borrow or no borrowing anymore.

[Anonymous]

Seems like an honest mistake. You have two options: (1) stop the whole borrowing, or (2) ask her to show you the exact item she wants to borrow to avoid future miscommunications.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To prevent further misunderstandings, you would like her to show you what she intends to borrow or no borrowing anymore.

And you keep things you don't want ruined out of AP's/DH's/kids'/dog's reach. Always. At all times. Your new, expensive sandals do not go into the common shoe box ever. (Just as your new, expensive $100 cashmere sweater does not go into the laundry basket in the bathroom because for some reason hubby might decide to start the laundry, to surprise you, and may throw said sweater into the wash together with the towels, making sure it wouldn't even fit a 2-year old Now let's all take one guess how I learned that.)

[Anonymous]

Sandals look like water shoes. How tf was she supposed to know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Venting - AP often asks to borrow an item of clothing like a coat and hat, or a scarf - things from the shared coat closet. No problem, I haven't minded. She asked to borrow my water shoes (chacos) for an au pair tubing event. I have had my chacos forever and they are super sturdy - I told her sure. Well, she just got back and the shoes she took are the Merrill athletic sandals I bout for work 6 weeks ago - and I am pissed. They aren't water shoes and they're practically new. Pissed at myself for leaving them in our common shoe box (we drop all shoes by the door when we come in) and not moving them so they wouldn't be accessible. Pissed at her for not clarifying before taking. She didn't make things better by coming in the door and throwing her wet river clothes on top of my boys just finished back to school clothes in the washer. Would you say something or let it go?

I just can't wrap my ears around sharing these personal items with my AP. You have opened a door and left it wide. Personally, would buy her a couple items. I will not share mine.

Of course you should say something.

[Anonymous]

As a doctor, would not recommend sharing shoes with anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sandals look like water shoes. How tf was she supposed to know?

Agree. She asked to borrow and you said yes. I think the shoe thing is on you.

But I also agree with the previous two posters that allowing people to borrow your shoes (especially ones you wear without socks!) is gross. You can get water shoes for less than $20, she should have bought some.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a doctor, would not recommend sharing shoes with anyone.

What about buying secondhand from the thrift store

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a doctor, would not recommend sharing shoes with anyone.

What about buying secondhand from the thrift store

I agree, I love thrift store but shoes always look gross, unless they look new, I don't even bother.

[Anonymous]

Next time, just say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a doctor, would not recommend sharing shoes with anyone.

What about buying secondhand from the thrift store

There are numerous disinfectants/antifungals sold for this purpose and lots of internet tutorials regarding how to clean second hand shoes. Not sure if all these methods are actually effective.

[Anonymous]

Lol at the way this thread is going.

What happened to all the people who claim APs barely have money and shouldn't have to spend it on anything if the HF can provide it?

HM was being nice. She got burned for it. First time families especially get taken advantage of because they don't know the issues to hold firm or say no to. HM now learns that borrowing is not ok. End of story?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol at the way this thread is going.

What happened to all the people who claim APs barely have money and shouldn't have to spend it on anything if the HF can provide it?

HM was being nice. She got burned for it. First time families especially get taken advantage of because they don't know the issues to hold firm or say no to. HM now learns that borrowing is not ok. End of story?

OP here and thank you. I am a first time HM. Shoes have been moved to my closet!

Venting again. My 4 yr old pulled the garage door opener out of the car over the weekend and it remains missing. I haven't replaced yet, so AP has to physically push the keypad on outside of house (which she has used many times) to close the garage door. Neighbor texts me today to let me know garage door is open (and house is unlocked) and car has been gone for an hour. So. Explained it this evening as unsafe (have had issues and discussion previously about loxkinf doors before leaving - other doors have been left unlocked in the past). Not so much as an apology from AP but at least I got an "okay." I did not anticipate some of these things happening. Certainly have learned a lot and will have a much more detailed handbook if we do this again!