Worried I made a mistake

[Anonymous]

My nanny of 3 years, who we adore more than anything, just left us so we had to hire someone new. I interviewed more than 25 candidates and didn’t really LOVE anyone, but found someone I liked much more than the others and hired her. She is currently working with another family and finished that job this past Wednesday, so she agreed to do a trial day with us yesterday and then she starts on Tuesday.

Now that I spent a day with her yesterday I am really second guessing whether she was the right choice. Of course she is different from my current nanny so I don’t know if that’s the issue and we just need time to adjust, or if something rubs me the wrong way. She was very nice (a bit too chatty but she may have just been trying to get to know us) but I didn’t find her to be as warm as I was hoping for with my kids, age 3 months and 3.5 years. My older one wanted to play dolls with her but she seemed a little disinterested and only played for a couple minutes before trying to convince her to do something else on her own, like a puzzle. Another thing, we all went for a walk to the playground and she was pushing the baby and rather than use the dip in the corner of the sidewalk to cross the street she just pushed the stroller off the curb which jerked the baby a bit and she started crying. It felt a bit aggressive or maybe not cautious is the right word. One more - around lunch time I offered her a break since the baby was napping and she said she was going to grab some lunch and then come back (she didn’t bring anything) and was gone for a full hour. I didn’t specify when exactly to come back but that seemed a bit excessive. These are just a couple examples and I know they are totally small things. There were more but no major red flags.

That said, she did get my 3 month old down for a nap - which is no easy feat - and she gave me some other good tips that I appreciated. And, my 3yo said she really likes her.

I guess I am feeling a bit disappointed in how things went. I think my expectations were too high, but now I am worried she is t the right fit for our family and wish we had more time to keep looking. Like I said, something about her just rubbed me the wrong way but I can’t say exactly what.

Would you proceed as planned and have the nanny start on Tuesday and give her a chance, or keep looking and go with your gut? So torn.

[Anonymous]

I would absolutely proceed as planned. Your 3 year old liked her. She's good with the baby.

None of the things you describe are red flags. The lunch was miscommunication (she may have come from somewhere where they took hour long breaks).

It's hard to move on from a good nanny, but if you keep up your attitude, you'll be going through nannies like crazy

[Anonymous]

Nanny here:

my standard would be whether you think you can put up with her for at least a year. If you think there’s a very good chance that you will switch nannies before the year is out, then IMO, that is bad for your kids. You don’t want to get into a situation where they aren’t able to bond and connect with an important caregiver in their lives because they get a new one every six months. If you think you can make it for at least a year, then I would ride it out and see what happens. If you can’t see yourself putting up with these sorts of things for that long, then I would pull the plug now before your kids get attached.

[Anonymous]

She will need a few days to bond and connect with your children without you there.

She may be used to a different stroller that handles curbs smoother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nanny of 3 years, who we adore more than anything, just left us so we had to hire someone new. I interviewed more than 25 candidates and didn’t really LOVE anyone, but found someone I liked much more than the others and hired her. She is currently working with another family and finished that job this past Wednesday, so she agreed to do a trial day with us yesterday and then she starts on Tuesday.

Now that I spent a day with her yesterday I am really second guessing whether she was the right choice. Of course she is different from my current nanny so I don’t know if that’s the issue and we just need time to adjust, or if something rubs me the wrong way. She was very nice (a bit too chatty but she may have just been trying to get to know us) but I didn’t find her to be as warm as I was hoping for with my kids, age 3 months and 3.5 years. My older one wanted to play dolls with her but she seemed a little disinterested and only played for a couple minutes before trying to convince her to do something else on her own, like a puzzle. Another thing, we all went for a walk to the playground and she was pushing the baby and rather than use the dip in the corner of the sidewalk to cross the street she just pushed the stroller off the curb which jerked the baby a bit and she started crying. It felt a bit aggressive or maybe not cautious is the right word. One more - around lunch time I offered her a break since the baby was napping and she said she was going to grab some lunch and then come back (she didn’t bring anything) and was gone for a full hour. I didn’t specify when exactly to come back but that seemed a bit excessive. These are just a couple examples and I know they are totally small things. There were more but no major red flags.

That said, she did get my 3 month old down for a nap - which is no easy feat - and she gave me some other good tips that I appreciated. And, my 3yo said she really likes her.

I guess I am feeling a bit disappointed in how things went. I think my expectations were too high, but now I am worried she is t the right fit for our family and wish we had more time to keep looking. Like I said, something about her just rubbed me the wrong way but I can’t say exactly what.

Would you proceed as planned and have the nanny start on Tuesday and give her a chance, or keep looking and go with your gut? So torn.

You are crazy. I can guarantee this nanny will leave within six months because you will drive her as
crazy as you.

[Anonymous]

I guess that I am in the minority here, but I say go w/your gut on this one.

You can never be too careful when it comes to your precious children.
Ever.

Being that it was her first day AND that you were present - I would think she would be on her best behavior around you.
If that is her best behavior, then I would hate to see what she does when on her own.

I advise you to keep looking.
There are many good Nannies out there.
Why stick w/one you are not 100% sure of?

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here.

You are bothered by every detail because you miss your former nanny. Give her time to adjust. Just like anybody she can't be perfect from day 1 at a new job. Plus you were around and we all know it's not easy to be natural and goofy with the children like we do when we're alone with them.

You picked her among many candidates, so give her a chance.

Nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess that I am in the minority here, but I say go w/your gut on this one.

You can never be too careful when it comes to your precious children.
Ever.

Being that it was her first day AND that you were present - I would think she would be on her best behavior around you.
If that is her best behavior, then I would hate to see what she does when on her own.

I advise you to keep looking.
There are many good Nannies out there.
Why stick w/one you are not 100% sure of?

Good luck.

If her children were that precious to her then she would stay home and take care of them herself.

[Anonymous]

Have you thought about spending another day or two with her to see if things improve? Maybe try some direct feedback. Starting a new job is always hard for everyone involved. Hope it gets better!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess that I am in the minority here, but I say go w/your gut on this one.

You can never be too careful when it comes to your precious children.
Ever.

Being that it was her first day AND that you were present - I would think she would be on her best behavior around you.
If that is her best behavior, then I would hate to see what she does when on her own.

I advise you to keep looking.
There are many good Nannies out there.
Why stick w/one you are not 100% sure of?

Good luck.

If her children were that precious to her then she would stay home and take care of them herself.

Not the OP, but you are really stupid.
Rotten to the very core.
Go away.

[Anonymous]

Did you also write the post that's titled "good but not great"?

The story about the doll and then she got her to do a puzzle is the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess that I am in the minority here, but I say go w/your gut on this one.

You can never be too careful when it comes to your precious children.
Ever.

Being that it was her first day AND that you were present - I would think she would be on her best behavior around you.
If that is her best behavior, then I would hate to see what she does when on her own.

I advise you to keep looking.
There are many good Nannies out there.
Why stick w/one you are not 100% sure of?

Good luck.

If her children were that precious to her then she would stay home and take care of them herself.

Not the OP, but you are really stupid.
Rotten to the very core.
Go away.

The truth can hurt.