Not getting AP a gift: Sin or Sound?

[Anonymous]

So we are on our second au pair and we have never given a gift, and we have an au pair arriving this week and are now debating what to do. We have an extraordinaire, so we pay that minimum ($250/week) and have that for her in her ADU when she gets here. We also stock the bathroom in the ADU with toiletries (shampoo, conditioner, etc.), stock the fridge and pantry with staples (which are of course required by the program) and treats (which we don't normally buy for ourselves, but would buy for AP if she requested them, so we have them when she gets here, too). We do a Target trip where we buy anything for her space that she wants over the weekend. During the year we buy all cleaning supplies, toilet paper/tissue, and kitchen/pantry staples and treats on request. We also pay for a dedicated car and all gas. So, we think that this puts us in the middle of HFs, but we try to de-incentivize gift-giving to the AP, to the kids, and among ourselves, we prefer to invest in experiences, to which we always invite the au pair (beach weekends, nice meals out on holidays, day trips). Of course, all of our friends with APs do these elaborate gift baskets or gift cards, which I guess we could run around and do, but it feels forced for us...

[Anonymous]

gift card for an experience. Boom.

[Anonymous]

Our APs always show up with gifts for us and I'd feel weird not to have gifts for them. It doesn't have to be extravagant: Tshirt from your local sports team, water bottle, gift card for Sbux or an experience (movies?)..even some picture frames they can use. We're also likely in the "middle of HFs" but this is a small thing that makes for a good start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our APs always show up with gifts for us and I'd feel weird not to have gifts for them. It doesn't have to be extravagant: Tshirt from your local sports team, water bottle, gift card for Sbux or an experience (movies?)..even some picture frames they can use. We're also likely in the "middle of HFs" but this is a small thing that makes for a good start.

Do you have older kids, because we have a toddler. Our previous au pair brought us a small decorative item for the house, but nothing for the then infant. So, it wasn't like a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Our Out of Country AP got lot of small gifts for us and the kids, I am glad we had gifts for them as well. But yeah I wasn't too fun of the idea of gift basket at the beginning but this is one of those thing they probably talk about. I remember our last one taking some pictures of the gifts for her family back home and i thought that was sweet.

[Anonymous]

Former AP here.

We are told before we leave to bring gifts for the family (or at least the children). So it's nice when you get something as well to make you feel welcome
It doesn't have to be pricey at all.
A lovely card signed by the whole family and a little basket with toiletries goes a long way.

[Anonymous]

We got our ap a basket of toiletries, an insulated water bottle, and an orchid. She brought gifts for all members of our family, plus snacks from her home country. I was embarrassed by our paltry offering, to be honest.

[Anonymous]

The orchid is a nice idea, 15:02~ I like the idea of some flowers or a plant to beautify her room. We do a basket of toiletries, new set of target wash cloths (our AP tend to use these up with messy make up removal), water bottle, and I do the photos from her application framed in her room. We also do some spending money.

[Anonymous]

Our APs have always brought some gifts. Some were elaborate personalized gifts. Some brought sweets from their home countries, but they all brought something. We typically buy toiletries for the AP, a water bottle, a (loaded) metro cards, and a Starbucks cards. It’s not elaborate, but I would feel weird not having anything for the APs.

[Anonymous]

You’re really overstating the work of putting the things you’re already buying in a basket. The treats, the toiletries, the target budget on a gift card, in a basket. Done.

[Anonymous]

So, we didn’t end up getting her a gift but she didn’t bring anything, either. Instead, I’m going to get her a gift certificate to a nail salon for Labor Day.

[Anonymous]

It's weird she didn't bring anything.
Where is she from?

[Anonymous]

I’m just here waiting for trolls to berate you for not giving whatever lavish gift your AP desires!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, we didn’t end up getting her a gift but she didn’t bring anything, either. Instead, I’m going to get her a gift certificate to a nail salon for Labor Day.

She waited a couple days to give us small gifts, actually. So we took her to Ikea and spent a hundred or so on accessories, makeup mirror, etc.