Extension Au Pair--red flag?

[Anonymous]

Our extension Au Pair arrived 2 days ago. She seemed fine at interview time, but I was really put off by the fact that she did not bring my children a token gift. I am not asking for anything expensive, but just a small thing because even though it's her second year, we are still a new family. She also added a bunch of what I would consider gourmet/specialty ingredients to the grocery list. Starting to wonder if this was the right choice....What were your red flags for extension au pairs?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't read too much into it yet. She may have been used to the grocery items in the previous family and may not realize it is excessive for you. I would find a way to tactfully say we don't normally buy xyz but that you believer there are plenty of good food choices available.

The no-gift thing is a little annoying but she is young and this is likely her first time as an extension au pair so it may not have occurred to her.

But I would give it a change - I think an extension au pair might be harder to navigate than a new one in some ways because they have spent a year adjusting to another family.

[Anonymous]

Agree, talk about the grocery items. The gift thing is annoying and not thoughtful. If she has time to put together a "gourmet" grocery list, she can pick up a box of sparkly crayons or bubbles from 5 Below.

[Anonymous]

Our 2 rematch pool APs and 1 extension did not bring any gifts either. Only our OOC APs have bothered.

Say no to gourmet items ASAP. Sometimes extensions feel more entitled to other forms of "compensation." This kind of attitude also might lead to a hard "senioritis" syndrome later in the year. I laughed at the one profile of an extension that demanded a credit card to do whatever activities she wanted with the host kids and a suite set up only. Hell no...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our 2 rematch pool APs and 1 extension did not bring any gifts either. Only our OOC APs have bothered.

Say no to gourmet items ASAP. Sometimes extensions feel more entitled to other forms of "compensation." This kind of attitude also might lead to a hard "senioritis" syndrome later in the year. I laughed at the one profile of an extension that demanded a credit card to do whatever activities she wanted with the host kids and a suite set up only. Hell no...

Same here, our extension AP didn't bring any gift either (I never thought about until this post). She was great though, bought lot of gifts fot the kids throughout her stay even when I said no gifts. Our OOC AP brought a LOT of gifts!

[Anonymous]

The her not bring gifts is not very thoughtful but it could be because APs normally bring gift from their own countries initially and extension APs don’t get to go home in between. I am an AP about to extend and I will bring gifts but feel a bit silly gifting American things to American people who could easily buy them themselves. I don’t mind buying toys from here for birthdays etc... But the initial gift always feel like it should be cultural but so I have been trying to look for gourmet gift from my country here but they are rare and far between and extremely expensive!

[Anonymous]

Her not bringing* gifts

[Anonymous]

What do you consider gourmet food?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you consider gourmet food?

I am French so food is the main cultural thing to gift, but finding actual French food is complicated and usually extremely expensive.

I have to try and not cry when I wander around the cheese isle at the lack of selection and it still being 10 time more expensive than what it would cost back home.

I would not gift crackers to the host family and things I really enjoy and would want the family to discover are usually expensive here (I can't even afford to eat them myself anymore unless I feel like treating myself, once in a blue moon!)

[Anonymous]

For French food gift: Macaroons from Trader Joe’s. They are frozen, $5.99 for 12, my French AP thinks they are authentic, and my kids absolutely love them (OK I do too

[Anonymous]

That's absurd you expect her to by your family gifts. If you don't want to buy the food say so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's absurd you expect her to by your family gifts. If you don't want to buy the food say so.

A token would be appreciated. It just sets the tone for a cultural exchange and the thoughtfulness. I don’t think OP is asking for a diamond ring.

I don’t think you should be too concerned. Just see how open she is to feedback about grocery items. I assume you had a mental detailing the grocery process

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's absurd you expect her to by your family gifts. If you don't want to buy the food say so.

A token would be appreciated. It just sets the tone for a cultural exchange and the thoughtfulness. I don’t think OP is asking for a diamond ring.

I don’t think you should be too concerned. Just see how open she is to feedback about grocery items. I assume you had a mental detailing the grocery process

* manual

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The her not bring gifts is not very thoughtful but it could be because APs normally bring gift from their own countries initially and extension APs don’t get to go home in between. I am an AP about to extend and I will bring gifts but feel a bit silly gifting American things to American people who could easily buy them themselves. I don’t mind buying toys from here for birthdays etc... But the initial gift always feel like it should be cultural but so I have been trying to look for gourmet gift from my country here but they are rare and far between and extremely expensive!

Very good point! All our au pairs came with small gifts from their home countries. This was much appreciated and set the tone for the cultural exchange. This is tough for extension APs. So, I would not interpret anything into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The her not bring gifts is not very thoughtful but it could be because APs normally bring gift from their own countries initially and extension APs don’t get to go home in between. I am an AP about to extend and I will bring gifts but feel a bit silly gifting American things to American people who could easily buy them themselves. I don’t mind buying toys from here for birthdays etc... But the initial gift always feel like it should be cultural but so I have been trying to look for gourmet gift from my country here but they are rare and far between and extremely expensive!

Very well said. And you sound like a great au pair being so thoughtful!